Anonymous asked in HealthMental Health · 6 months ago

I hate talking to my mom should I feel guilty about it?

So my relationship with my mother is complicated, she wants us to be close, she wants to talk to me, spend time with me but I don’t want to.

Upfront this seems very harsh but the reason for that is I have quite a bit of resentment against her, I’ve only realized that recently.

Ever since I was 12 she forced me to wear hijab even tho I made it clear I didn’t want to and she would catch me without it behind her back and cry acting like I’m the one who has hurt her. If she ever finds me talking to a guy she breaks down and tells me guys only want me for sex, and that Islamic arranged marriage is the only way to go for true love (no dating permitted ever even tho I’m 18). She is homophobic, and she has to bring god into every single conversation. Since I’m born into it I’m expected to be Muslim by default, always listen to a male guardian (father and then when I’m married it becomes my husband) never move out until I’m married....

I’m not Muslim, I have to hide everything from her and the fact that I think I’m Bi... I can’t even be myself with her at all. I hate the fact that she forced me to wear hijab it scars me and my social life and her conversation topics which all somehow revolve around religion are of no interest to me. She is a nice person tho, like she tried her best to tell me I’m beautiful, by my nice stuff.... it’s just that she is way too into religion and I’m staring to seriously resent her should I feel guilty?

3 Answers

  • 6 months ago

    Join the Army (or Navy or Air Force.) You would be forced to move away from home and your homophobic mother, the hijab is not part of the uniform and you could become a Christian or Buddhist or atheist or whatever you wish and go to be with whomever you wish.

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  • 6 months ago

    It's very, very common for girls to have difficult relationships with their mothers. The problem is we are truly in indebted to our mothers, even when we're getting bad advice from them,

    When there's a big philosophical difference, it takes time for the two people to work out an understanding. I imagine your mother will always have her traditional beliefs, but maybe she'll learn to get along with you better. It will also take time for you to get along with her better.

    Feeling guilty about it doesn't help. It's like feeling guilty about not playing the piano very well when you're a student learning the piano. You're leaning the skill of getting along. Be patient with yourself and her.

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  • 6 months ago

    Not gonna judge you here, but here's a little bit of wisdom:

    When you finally have children of your own, raise them and see their achievements/failures, have them want to hold onto you and never leave your side....then you'll understand why your mom still wants to be in your life. Because you'll want the same thing when you are her age.

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