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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 9 months ago

How to get over a past incident?

My now boyfriend had a one night stand when we were just friends and he was on drugs and alcohol. We were in a stressful time because of his drug use, so we hardly talked. He told me about it when we were talking again and might become serious because the girl was claiming she was pregnant,but,I was skeptical but supportive because I knew a baby in his life would be more important than me. Well, she claims to had an abortion but she had no proof of either. Anyway, it rocked our relationship because he knew I had feelings for him and he claimed to have had them for me. I got over it once he assured me he never really knew her, liked her, and once he got sober he instantly regretted it and that he left the party alone. Well, fast forward to now 8 months later, he is drug free and does socially drink but nothing serious. He said I helped him change because I said I wouldn't consider anything more unless he got off the drugs. It became a whole conversation about trust and that "one night" again a few nights ago. It really brought back old feelings that I've kept hidden just to try to have a future with him. I feel sad and I don't feel anything positive about our future because of my low self esteem and how he did that knowing I liked him. He apologizes to the Moon and back. I understand he's sorry but how do I get it in my mind to move on? I think he really is great for me but that one situation really hurts me. I don't want to keep dwelling on that.

3 Answers

  • 9 months ago
    Favourite answer

    Therapy and a self esteem transplant. If this is going to keep eating at you there is no point being in the relationship so you are going to have to break the spiral somehow.

    This is what happens when people don’t communicate and the other person goes off and does something that ruins it. If you were “just friends” then you could hope and fantasise he was yours but in the throes of booze and drugs he probably belonged to booze and drugs.... and addicts do stupid things.

    So draw a line in the sand, put the f&@k up on one side of it and you on the other. And walk away and don’t look back. What happened has been and gone. Short of inventing a time machine you can’t change history so there is no point agonising over it.

    Look up CBT. Change your thought processes.

  • 9 months ago

    Your boyfriend isn't drug free... he's still drinking and a person with substance abuse problems needs to abstain from everything.

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  • 9 months ago

    First, he is NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! drug free. Your post said he had issues with drugs AND ALCOHOL (your words). So socially drinking is a problem.

    In regards to the sex thing with the other girl. You were NOT in a relationship, so he did not cheat. I really is that simple. And if you want to continue this relationship you need to accept this and move forward

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