J asked in Family & RelationshipsFriends · 4 months ago

How do I politely tell a friend im annoyed at him?

Hey, so, my friend planned to stay at mine, I cleaned up so it looked spotless, bought a blanket, pillow and sheets, and got money out. He had confirmed all day "yes I m coming" but at the last second says "Im tired and my eyes hurt"

Which is understandable, I told him "it was fine," I get it, but it just made me really upset that I went though all this for nothing. I guess I m not specifically mad at him, just the situation but I don t wanna just let the feeling of annoyance build up and become a hate

15 Answers

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  • Edna
    Lv 7
    4 months ago

    Why are you annoyed at your friend? YOU chose to clean up your place and buy new blankets, pillow, etc. in anticipation of his visit (which he had to cancel). He didn't ASK you to do those things - you chose to do them on your own.

  • donnie
    Lv 4
    4 months ago

    If this was a isolated incident then I would just let it go. However if he makes a constant habit of making plans and canceling last minute then I would say something. I know two people who do this and it drives me up the wall. I mean all the time they make plans and flake.

  • peter
    Lv 4
    4 months ago

    You are a victim of your own kindness. You have taken ownership of your friends time because you invested in it by cleaning up and spending money. Next time just expect your friend to take you as you are and don’t go all out for him. That way you don’t feel a fool.

    You can also tell him what you did for him and explain that you are a little upset about him not staying. If he is a good friend he will apologise and remember. BUT, my experience with people like that is that they don’t know what they have done and rarely care... good luck

  • Alan H
    Lv 7
    4 months ago

    Far better not to make an issue of it; just say “sorry you couldn’t make it”

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  • Helen
    Lv 7
    4 months ago

    Of course you're miffed. Anyone would be. But don't forget - you went to those efforts of your own accord. Presumably he did not ask of expect it of you. I'm the same when anyone comes over, but I don't blame others for it. I'm lax with cleaning and if I did it a bit more regularly I wouldn't have to go nuts.

    You seem more disappointed about the efforts you went to (which gave subsequently left you with a nicer tidier home) than the fact you won't be seeing your friend.

    For all you know, he might be going through personal problems that you're not aware of. Maybe he has depression or anxiety. Even if not, I bet he feels awful for having to cancel last minute. So don't tell him. It's ungracious and will only make him feel worse. Instead tell him you hope he feels better soon and be annoyed secretly!

  • 4 months ago

    Well how did he know you would go crazy with cleaning up your place? Most guys just wouldn't care if things were a little messy or dirty. It's like my wife who now will never have guests over for dinner or a barbecue because she thinks she has to clean for three days before anybody comes over. So our social life has gone to Hell. And I'm the one who cooks, not her.

  • 4 months ago

    You did all that because you wanted to do all that. I seriously doubt he asked you to purchase him new things, make your house spotless and invest expectations. I suggest to you that his own expectations fall far short of your own.

  • Anonymous
    4 months ago

    You can't really say anything. It's one of those things. Just say I was so disappointed when you didn't come, next time you see him. See how he reacts. But don't be all over him and hang out with other friends too. On the plus side it's nice to have a clean place and you have clean sheets for when someone else stays over.

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    4 months ago

    the same way you told us

  • 4 months ago

    Don't tell him. Apparently he wasn't as excited nor interested in the visit as you were. That should tell you something. Maybe he isn't that into you and the hurt eyes was just some weak excuse.

    Don't mention it, see what he does. And don't text or reach out first, its his turn to apologize or not. See how it goes.

    • Jon
      Lv 6
      4 months agoReport

      I agree nothing should be said. I don't think we should speculate about his motivations, which we have no information about.

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