Disguted by sex after being raped.?

So when I turned 18 until I was almost 21, I was raped by my ex bf. I was a virgin when we met and I didn't know I was being raped until I read the definition of rape. There were countless times I would say no and try to fight him off me. I would cry sometimes and I became property, not a person. I ended the... show more So when I turned 18 until I was almost 21, I was raped by my ex bf. I was a virgin when we met and I didn't know I was being raped until I read the definition of rape. There were countless times I would say no and try to fight him off me. I would cry sometimes and I became property, not a person. I ended the relationship and two years later I decided to date. I was drinking one night and on a social media app I got a message from a guy asking for sex. I had not had sex in two years so I said why not. We had sex and honestly I was disgusted. I was disgusted through it all and I hated myself for doing it. It had nothing to do with him. It was all about me its been almost 3 years now I'm turning 26 in a couple of months and I haven't had sex since. I am going to therapy, something I have neglected for years. I am afraid to date and push away guys interested in me.
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