My two sons were finishing up grade school when my husband and I separated. It was a time for all of us to adjust to our new lifestyle. The last thing I wanted was another man in my life at that time. We were lucky enough to have a calm after the storm that lead us to divorce. Although our divorce was incredibly civil and fair (we both actually fired our attorneys when they worked together to get my husband and I to fight and drag the divorce out with nonsense bullshit), tearing the family apart was a big adjustment for all of us. Suddenly the tension and arguments were exchanged for calm moments and happiness and there was no way on earth I was going to put my children through any more drama than they already were dealing with.
I went out on dates without my children's knowledge when they were at their dad's house on the weekends. My children never met a man I dated because I had not found a guy worth keeping. I felt a responsibility to protect myself and them until someone earned my trust. When I finally did meet a stand up guy, over five years after divorce, even still, I did not let my children know about him for about six months, because I needed to be sure that he did as he said and said what he did. My boys knew how important my dad was to me, so when my father was in town, I invited my boyfriend to my house for dinner with my dad and the boys. This move made a statement to my children to let them know this man I was dating was worthy of them and my father. All approved of him.
I never wanted any new man living in my home to change the dynamics of my home life with my children. I thought the divorce was plenty enough drama for us all. I made the conscience thought to keep my children's emotional state safe because I only had a few years left of them in my care and I knew once they flew the coup, I could never regain those teenage years as I selfishly wanted them all to myself before being set free into the world. At which time I could also be free to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to do it. So, that is what I did. I have no regrets and I do not feel like I compromised or lost a thing by putting my children first.
I would have never even thought of having a guy live in our house without my boy's approval. But, I decided those last 5 to 6 years were more important to us as mother and sons than any man on earth could ever be.
I never moved a man into our house and if I did, I would tell a guy to leave my house before subjecting my children to being uncomfortable. This is THEIR home too. I cannot be that selfish.
To the nasty "linkus86" comments below: Wow, just wow. Our lives, all of our lives improved when we got divorced. You know not for which you speak. In our case, divorce was the best option. I am not lying to myself about anything. I do put my children first and THAT is why I got out of a toxic marriage. AND, I did not use my children as pawns or lie to anyone about anything. Again, you know nothing other than assuming things.. As a matter fact, I am still in a serious committed relationship with that gentleman who met my children and my father back in 2005. He actually supported my views when we met, hence the 14 year relationship. My situation is way out of your league to even comprehend. I can only base your off comments on your own unresolved personal experiences. I wish you well. I do.