How can you retain what you study when you constantly have social problems, financial problems and very deep family problems?
How can you think of what mitochondria is up to when, very often, a family member goes crazy and needs caring? And always some friend of yours decides to be fake, causing physical fights and serious drama between you and others? Then you got the constant fear that something will happen again that will make you unable to pay for your own rent and basic needs, just like happened not long ago, and you will be given an eviction notice with nowhere to go and no welfare benefit help available to you? The fear is constant there because it happened more than 4 times in the past.
Can I win this if I ignore close family members? If I let one of them go crazy and let the very elderly one get abused mentally and financially until he dies? Then cut all contacts with the drama queen friends I have and be on my own; go to restaurants, cinema and shopping all alone? Always be seen on my own? And let others notice that I do everything alone? Then work in jobs that cripples my back overtime and leave me too tired at night to revise and retain what I study?
Some would say that science isn't for me if my life is so crap. But I know I am really good at it when I have no troubles in my mind. I have serious potential, I am calm and I have the patience to study. And I am great at science when there is momentarily no problems going on in my life. But when I have these moments now, I get filled with fear that something very bad is about to happen.
- Lisa ALv 71 year ago
You need to get your priorities straight and do what you have to do