Lola asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 6 months ago

My partner keeps mentioning he wants to move abroad one day. I don't want the same.?

Me and my partner have been together for five years. We're young, both 24 years old. He doesn't have a lot of family and the family he does have he doesn't get on with very well so he would have no regrets about leaving his life here in the UK and moving abroad somewhere.

I, however, am different. I have a lot of family here who I am really close with. I don't like the idea of leaving them behind completely and starting a new life abroad. I'm happy with my life here - good job, family, friends and can travel abroad whenever I like. I don't have to move though.

He's said that he wants to leave the UK permanently one day and said "it'll be in the next 10 years or so" and I feel like he's being selfish? I feel like he's putting a time limit on our relationship and that I should prepare myself for us to break up one day because we both want different things.

I don't want to force him to stay here with me but I also don't want to be guilt tripped into leaving my life here behind.

Advice?

6 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    "I don't want to force him to stay here with me but I also don't want to be guilt tripped into leaving my life here behind."

    This is a very good way of putting it, because it illustrates the black and white nature of the problem. In other words, it's a dealbreaker for your long term relationship, cuz there's no compromise.

    I don't think he's selfish for wanting to return home, any more than you're "selfish" for not supporting his plans. Both of you have very valid reasons for wanting what you want. So there's no "bad guy". It's just a disconnect on one of the biggest relationship issues of all.

    The only surprising thing is that it's gone on so long. You were both young when this started, and that explains part of it. But now you're a grown adult, meaning this has to be faced. There's no shortcut, either. Tell him if neither of you can budge on your plans, you need to set each other free (easier said than done!)

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    If you don't have shared long term goals then you're not compatible as a couple. However, if Brexit goes through he won't have so many options to move abroad as outside of freedom of movement schemes like the EU most immigrants have to have advanced STEM degrees and high level professional skills to qualify for work visas. So unless he's a doctor, scientist of software engineer chances are he's going nowhere.

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    just let hirn go and stay behind if you dont want to go

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  • 6 months ago

    i wouldnt marry him...........

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  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    "I feel like he's putting a time limit on our relationship and that I should prepare myself for us to break up one day because we both want different things."

    You do want different things. The things you want aren't compatible and can't be compromised on. You ARE very young, still. He will resent staying and you will resent leaving.

    Don't make the childish mistake of thinking everything can be worked out 'if you love one another and communicate." You've laid out a perfect example of something that can't. Neither one of you is wrong to want what you want. This isn't an issue of ethics or morality or fairness. This is what dating is about, to make sure the two of you have goals and lifestyles that are compatible.

    He's not selfish, any more than you are for wanting to stay. You just want different things. As hard as it will be now, breaking up later will be even more painful. He's being honest. He loves you, and you love him, but in our lives we may love numerous people who we wouldn't marry, because we don't have enough in common to make a happy marriage. I knew a woman disappointed in her ex-boyfriend when she found out (after a year of dating) he didn't want children. She was mature enough to understand he wasn't being selfish in not wanting them. She was frustrated that he kept that fact from her for a year, knowing her desire to have them.

    I would suggest moving on from him now. I know that's not what you want to hear.

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    • Guardian
      Lv 7
      6 months agoReport

      Oh my gawd. 😏 Your crap advice is no different from what I gave her. Just extremely long, dragged out and boring. A time-waster.

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  • 6 months ago

    Let him go.

    If I were you, I'd start preparing now.

    He sounds like a prxck. It's rude to keep throwing this in anyone's face let alone the one who actually sleeps with him. And knowing your stance.

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    • Lv 7
      6 months agoReport

      I understand she's silly to stay, given his lack of commitment. I just think he's entitled to his own wishes. I don't hate men, and think women should face facts, not pretend men are there to fulfill fantasies for them, regardless of their own desires.

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