Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 5 months ago

Do you think the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater” is true?

I recently found out that my husband of 4 years cheated on me. He swears it was a one time thing and he will never do it again. I don’t want to give up on our marriage but I don’t know if I can ever trust him again. We just had our first child 7 months ago and he claims I don’t give him enough attention. Can people change or will he always be a cheater?

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  • Anonymous
    5 months ago
    Best answer

    I don't think that is necessarily true. However, I do find it troublesome that he has blamed you for what he did. When I felt like my husband was not giving me enough attention, I talked to him about it. At no point did I turn it into an excuse to cheat on him. You have a 7 month old baby. Of course you do not give your husband the same level of attention that you did prior to this. The fact he is shifting the blame from his own indiscretions onto you is a sign that he is unwilling to be held accountable for his own poor choices. I am not saying there is nothing there to save or that the relationship has no hope. I do think, though, that seeing a counselor- either just for you or for the both of you together, might help you to see things more clearly and to approach things differently. I hope that you and your new family are able to work through this. Congratulations on your little one.

    • Jerry
      Lv 6
      5 months agoReport

      Exactly, the unrepentant cheater who refuses to take responsibility for his own wrongdoing. Thumbs up!

  • Anonymous
    4 months ago

    Divorce him he's a loser looking for attention like a child when he is a grown man he doesn't love you obviously and will cheat again your stupid to stay with him. You can co parent and live separate lives.

  • 5 months ago

    I'm sorry but you need to get rid and this is why;

    Because of him, you will never ever trust him again

    Why should you spwnd the rest of your life worrying because of what he has done?

    You deserve better

  • Anonymous
    5 months ago

    Not true. There are always two sides of the story. I cheated on my fiancée and I never did it again but she got extremely insecure and eventually we broke up. Cheating is never a good thing.

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  • Anonymous
    5 months ago

    A lot of people cheat, men or women, like having a one stand, usually it's through drink and an opportunity they don't usually get. But to have an affair well that means there is something wrong with your marriage and if it has not be rectified, well then it'll just happen again.

  • 5 months ago

    Typical man, blaming you for his affair because you do not give him enough attention.

    His affair was not your fault, your lack of communication, as a couple is what caused the affair.

    Will he cheat again? I have no idea.

    However, he gave you a valid "reason" why he cheated.....he said you did not give him enough attention, which translates to -- he did not get enough sex. So, give him more sex and see if that works. But, don't count on that to keep him out of other women's beds.

  • Joe
    Lv 5
    5 months ago

    People change. Don't condemn him forever. But counseling might be a good idea to open communication.

  • Anonymous
    5 months ago

    I deal with a lot of divorces in my profession. There are two categories of cheaters. Some men cheat, either get caught or don't get caught, either confess or don't confess, and NEVER cheat again. They learned their lesson once and decided that the guilt they felt was not worth the sex.

    Other men cheat, either get caught or don't get caught, either confess or don't confess, and go on to have other affairs.

    Only the person married to the cheater knows which category best suits her husband.

    I find it interesting that people seeking a divorce in MY State list the reasons as: 1, Children and disagreements on how they should be raised OR the wife becomes primarily a mom; 2, finances; 3, no communication; 4, sexual problems.

    I hear every day that "my wife and I had a wonderful relationship and then we had the baby and she had no time for me."

  • tony
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    There are two types of cheaters. Some people cheat once, feel absolutely awful and remorseful about it and would never consider it again once they realize the mental anguish wasn’t worth few minutes of pleasure. The second type is “the serial cheaters.” Infidelity can occur at any time in a relationship, with problems in the relationship being the main reason people cheat. However, it’s not always a sign that something is wrong in a relationship..Again, cheating always comes from a place of unhappiness within the relationship, whether that unhappiness stems from within the relationship, or within oneself.

  • Bleu
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    Well, I think people can change if they really want to. But if you forgive him with no consequences, he may think it's easy to keep cheating on you.

  • 5 months ago

    Well people do stupid things and regret them later on

    so it isn't always true

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