Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 6 months ago

It's been a long time, but this "he said, she said" story has ruined my family. Who is right and who is wrong?

About 4 years ago, my adult sister Cindy calls me out of the blue saying that our mom(her name is Ann) blabbed a big secret to her kids (my niece and nephew who were 8 and 3 at the time). The secret that our Ann told was that my sisters husband (Derik) was abusing Heroin again (which is true). My sister told Ann not to ever tell anyone, but my sister claims that she told the grandkids.

Our mother Ann claims that is not what happened. Ann claims that my niece approached her and asked her why her daddy had been acting strange lately. Our mother claims that because her granddaughter asked her, she decided to tell her the truth because she felt that she needed to know.

Because my sister Cindy felt that our mother Ann told these kids a private home matter (that she felt the kids were too young to understand and also since she told Ann not to tell and she did anyway) Cindy went ahead and told Ann that she was never allowed to see her grandkids again.

This was 4 years ago, and our mother Ann has been a mess ever since. Cindy still doesn't let Ann see her only grandkids and claims that what our mother did was beyond horrible.

Their stories are different and its difficult to know who to believe. this has ripped our family apart. Any help you can offer us would be great as I still try to reconcile with my sister and mother to start talking again.

6 Answers

  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    The stories aren't different at all. Ann admits the told the grandchildren their father uses heroin.

    If this is true, Cindy is an idiot 1) For blabbing to her mother (or anyone) and expecting it to be kept a secret and 2)keeping her precious children in the same house as an active addict.

    The old joke is, three people can keep a secret if two of them are dead.

    I pray for your niece's and nephew's safety, while you and your family natter over whose fault it is they know.

  • ?
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    Your mother definitely should not have told her grandkids that their dad was using heroine. One of the main roles of parents is to protect their children from the realities of life until such time as they're mature enough to properly process them. So you don't show them violent movies, you don't expose them to adult romantic literature, and you don't sit them down and talk about hard drugs with them. Their father being part of the subject does not in any way invalidate that duty of care as a parent or grandparent. Of course, getting your mother to ever admit she was wrong is a different story altogether, but she needs to do so if she wants to have any chance of seeing her grandkids again.

  • 6 months ago

    It's a hard situation because neither are wrong. It sounds like your sister was trying her best to keep the situation normal in her household while dealing with a very difficult situation. Even so kids are very preseptive they can see the white elephants in the room their parents try to hide. I would not doubt the daughter asked her grandmother for guidance to something that she didn't understand. Which put your mother in the situation of either lying to her granddaughter who had noticed and felt uneasy enough to ask about the situation or tell the truth and try to help her get through the life situation she was already in. Both seemed to be doing what they thought was best I believe. Even though your sister feels betrayed it was not your mother that caused the original problem. And even though I'm sure your mother didn't try to escalate the situation she should have probably told your sister that the daughter had asked and that it was something that needed to be explained to her.

    • justjeans7776 months agoReport

      forgiving our mother to let her see the grandkids again. This is our mothers ONLY grandkids whom she loves more than anything in the whole world. It's heart breaking for all of us.

  • 6 months ago

    First off not really a "he said, she said" sort of deal when they both could be telling the truth. IE Ann admits to telling the niece the secret. There may be other details on which they disagree but what difference do they really make. Cindy is mad about Ann telling this secret, to which she admits.

    I suggest you advise your mother to simply apologize for divulging the secret (sounds like rather than apologize she is hell bent on telling everyone how she is right). She needs to make the apology nicely and needs to understand whatever other details there are that she did betray a trust and this situation is (at least mostly if not entirely) of her own making.

    If Ann can make the apology then maybe Cindy will forgive her, or maybe not. Maybe she won't forgive her at first but will down the road. Possibly Cindy will forgive her someday anyhow, but don't count on it.

    If Ann can't apologize or can't do it nicely (a bad apology could easily do more harm than good) then she probably isn't going to be seeing her grand kids anytime soon but that's the bed she made - now she can go sleep in it.

    For your own part, beyond advising your mother to apologize (if you go that route) you could talk to Cindy about forgiving your mother but if your mother is gong to continue fighting with Cindy (I'm sure Cindy isn't going to be stopping anytime soon) then it unlikely anything you say to Cindy will do any good and frankly I see Cindy's point.

    Whatever other details there are, your mother really had no right to tell the grand kids about this. No matter what extenuating circumstances there were she shouldn't have said anything and should've apologized for this a long time ago.

    • Slumlord
      Lv 7
      6 months agoReport

      If your mother had apologized nicely (and then not acted like the victim) then the fighting would be over, not saying she'd be forgiven but it would be a step in the right direction.Your mother made this bed and keeps it well made - now she can go sleep in it. Also nothing you can do, bow out of it.

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    rnaybe you should all get sorne counseling about it

  • 6 months ago

    Remove yourself from the situation

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