Do I let my wife divorce me? Or do I grovel and plead to keep her even though I’m not sure I want to anymore. We have 3 kids and I just?

Found out today that she was talking to a divorce lawyer. This really caught me off guard. I knew things were rough with all kids being under 4. One 3 months old. But over all, I thought we were ok. I know I can be a jerk sometimes. I work hard and get little sleep. But I thought it was stuff we could work through. I’m kind of betrayed by this however. I don’t know what to think. She did this without talking to me or talking about counseling. What should I do. The most important thing in the world to me is my kids. It would kill me to not see them everyday. But is it worth it to stay for them?

11 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    5 months ago
    Best answer

    Tell your wife that whether she goes through with the divorce or not you'd like to do some couple's counseling just to make any sudden transition easier on the kids. Then in session you can tell her how you feel blindsided and that you'd like to work on saving the family. There's only so much you can do if she's not willing. But at the very least counseling would give you both tips on how to co-parent even if you end up separating.

  • mmm
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    ok - here is the thing

    obviously, you weren't listening

    you thought.

    and you thought wrong

    you feel betrayed? get over it - she feels betrayed by your lack of 'everything'

    1. she needs you home and present when you are not working

    2. she needs you to help her with the house and food and naps and dishes, and laundry and picking up and dinner sometimes

    3. she is exhausted beyond recognition and you have no idea what she is going through with 3 young children at home all under 4??????

    is it worth it to finally step up and become the dad she is asking for? YEP

    if this is not the case, and you are fully present and help her with the children at night when they take their baths, bring home dinner once in awhile and call her on the way home and ask her if there is anything she needs? then she have just fallen out of love with you

  • RP
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    If she wants to divorce, there's nothing you can do, but, from what you've indicated, it seems you wouldn't mind losing her.

  • 5 months ago

    Try convincing her, talk to her and promise her you'll change for her and the kids, it's always worth it man.

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  • Ana
    Lv 5
    5 months ago

    If you haven’t been violent to her or very emotionally abusive to her?

    (I say “very” emotionally abusive, because EVERY person who’s been in a relationship has said SOME mean stuff which could be used against them... the question is, are you consistently a lot meaner than she is, to the point her quality of life is affected?)

  • 5 months ago

    She seems to have made her mind about the divorce issue, so I don't understand what you mean by "do I let my wife divorce me"? She can and will divorce you without your blessing.

    You say you know you can be a jerk "sometimes" we don't have enough info here, but rarely a person divorces someone just out of all the blue. Time for some introspection, time to be real with yourself and ask "what did I fail to put in my marriage ?"

    If she's done her mind about the divorce all you can do is work with her to do the best co parent you can.

  • Anonymous
    5 months ago

    You have to do what is right for you both. When one wants to divorce and the other does not, staying together could emotionally affect your children. Take it from someone who’s personally experienced the affects it causes on a child. My parents finally divorced when I became a teenager, 30 years later, the bad memories of their fights still remain as if it just happened yesterday.

  • tony
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    dont give up,dont give in and dont listen to the naysayers.

    Please pray that God makes me into the husband my wife needs and wants me to be. That God will intervene and stop my wife from this separation and divorce. That she will give my wife the desire to take action and fight for our marriage and she will fall back into love with me. I’m feeling so hopeless but i know God can restore all things. I pray God place her in the center of His will and ,as he sis me, give her conviction of deep and sharp for understanding. I pray God take back control of our marriage and save it.. this my cry! Please pray with me. I want restoration for my family and a miracle in my marriage..

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  • Anonymous
    5 months ago

    Sorry you're going through this. If she's set on getting a divorce, unfortunately there's not much you can do at this point. You can try talking to her, but don't hold your breath about her being receptive to what you've got to say. It's not a good idea to stay just because of your youngins. They will pick up on the stress between your wife and you, and that wouldn't be good for them. You can always file for joint custody. I do think she should've talked to you first, but at this point it sounds like your hands are tied.

  • 5 months ago

    First thing...go find yourself a lawyer who specializes in divorce from the male perspective. She's already ahead of you in that; so you have some catching up to do.

    You'll need to protect our assets. For that you'll need that lawyer...and a good one. Otherwise you'll be taken to the cleaners.

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