Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 5 months ago

Do you think it's wrong my husband wants to leave me as we have been unsuccessful in having children?

My husband and I have tried for 10 years to have a baby and lost a baby in pregnancy many years ago. It was very traumatic. Now he tells me I am the wrong race and he wants to get divorced and marry someone else and have a baby to them. I'm shattered. I've suggested adoption but he wants a baby of his own, with his own genetic make-up and with someone of another race. We have been married 20 years. Should I just let him go and not fight for the marriage. I'm sad we don't have children, but I'm older now. He's also told me that he has been on dating sites looking for someone to marry and has seen a solicitor regarding a divorce. I"m shattered.

Update:

We are both caucasian.

44 Answers

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  • Tara
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    It sounds like he just wants out .. (for whatever real reason). He could be trying to tantalize you, too.

    If he wants to leave you so badly - he should have already walked away -- what's stopping him ? He may just be bullying you … you don't have to take this off of him.If it were me -- I'd tell him to hit the road and GO (find his other woman).

    You deserve better.

  • Orla C
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    Go out and get yourself a good lawyer, my dear. You are entitled to a percentage of his property.

    • Z
      Lv 5
      5 months agoReport

      It depends on the laws of the country. In many countries the woman gets nothing

  • 5 months ago

    Yes it's wrong because .. well first of all did he marry you or the thought of having kids if he wanted kids so bad why did he wait this long to tell you I mean WTF if I could have had all my kids with one woman it would have been with the woman I am with now but believe it or not she can't have them she had a hystorectomy and she can't but I've been with her for 15 years and I love her no matter what funny how those words hold more weight than I love you. I don't know what others say about this but if it were just kids he wanted adoption should cover it , if after 20 years thats the best he can come up with for a chance of a fling tell that shallow SOB TO GO F*** HIMSELF! but don't wait another 20 years show him you can make up your mind in 20 seconds

    • Z
      Lv 5
      5 months agoReport

      It's obviously not about kids, he was with her 20 years without children wasn't he? He's just looking for an excuse to leave because he's a selfish bastard, and this is one excuse that she can't change: her race or the fact that she can't have kids.

  • Anonymous
    5 months ago

    Lmao simps will be simps... Why would any man want a child?

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  • 5 months ago

    If he divorces you just stay single because remarriage is considered adultery. If he wants to divorce you and marry another than he will be committing adultery, unless you are dead. Death is literally the only thing that can release you from your spouse in the eyes of God. So pray that he doesn't try to get you killed.

    • Z
      Lv 5
      5 months agoReport

      Not everyone shares your same beliefs for sees God the way that you do.

  • B
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    my instinct is that he wants the divorce, but does not want you to fight it

    you need to get a lawyer immediately and seek at least half of everything, since it looks like he wants you to walk out with nothing

  • kristy
    Lv 6
    5 months ago

    10 years is a long time

  • 5 months ago

    Let the bastard go. There is a man out there that is not a racist slob. I hope he is the sterile one because another genetic example of him is not good for this world.

    Move on and leave that assaholic before he leaves you. Pack up your most prized possessions when he is at work one day and move out. Or, for now, at least pack up your stuff and move it out into a safe location until you can begin a new life without him.

    If possible, record him stating that your race is not satisfactory. I am sure a divorce judge would find that statement repulsive.

    • bluebellbkk
      Lv 7
      5 months agoReport

      I read the question and was scrolling down to the Answer box, thinking, "I'm going to open with 'Let the bastard go' ". They do say great minds ...

  • 5 months ago

    Poor you! Can you not adopt? This could be an excuse, of course, but he seems very selfish and not a good husband if he hasn't even discussed this with you in detail. Unfortunately fighting for your marriage could only postpone the inevitable...… Let him divorce you if he wants, but make very sure that you can stay in your home (I you want), that he pays all legal fees (including for your lawyer) and that you have that least an equal share of all money and possessions. He has probably been squirralling money away, so try to find out. Good Luck!

  • 5 months ago

    It would be wrong to give a definite opinion on what way you should move forward, even though you've asked. We don't know you or of your life so it's a complicated and heartbreaking thing for you.

    But I will comment based on instinct, as someone on the outside looking in. What love does this man have for you? Children are a by-product of a union between two people. No-one can predict whether you will actually be able to produce them, on the day that you enter into the marriage contract. It's between the two of you, not between you and any future children you might hope to have.

    Do you want to fight? If his mind's made up, it may be futile and I can't see any serious commitment to you as a person. No love. No consideration for 20 years of marriage. So, my instinct is to say let it go. He's not worth fighting for, in my opinion.

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