Anonymous asked in Social SciencePsychology · 6 months ago

Should I date a wonderful girl that has a messed up past?

I know this girl. She looks like a model. She goes to an Ivy League law school. She’s hilarious and sweet. The sex is amazing. We’re in the early phases of dating.

I asked her how many people she’d slept with. She told me honestly, over 50. She said she’s a “recovering sex addict” and that this number was accumulated before she was 20 when she had a drug problem. From being 20, she said she slept with her ex boyfriend, then me.

I’m grossed out but I also feel bad because I can’t really say she’s a wreck anymore she clearly got her life together.

15 Answers

  • Anonymous
    6 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    She's honest. That's another keeper factor for her.

    It's said that a lot of women halve the number they've slept with when asked.

    The fact is you also don't realise how many men hit on even passably attractive women. I'm 48 and signifigantly over weight but since my husband died I went on dating sites and I get masses and masses of messages from men of every age group. Imagine if you were a man and had that many women interested in sleeping with you.

    I've been grieving too much even though it's four years later so I have only slept with one of them and I broke that off because he seemed to only care about sex and not romance admittedly he was only 29 lol God damn he was handsome though! I really cannot believe I'm the fattest and oldest I've ever been but I get so much attention and I couldn't even get a job without my boss sexually hitting on me.

    Don't blame your girlfriend. Blame men and their sex obsessions. When I was 19 and in my early 20s before I met my husband I didn't want to sleep with guys who didn't love me but every date the guy would push and push and bully and never give up until they got what they wanted.

    A worrying thing though is that one thing I know causes sex addiction is being sexually abused as a child but then again it may have just been the drugs. It sounds like you'd be a fool to not give her a chance although my sister married a sex addict man who'd been raped when he was seven and he cheated on her and broke her heart. But it sounds like unlike him like your girlfriend has done therapy and a lot of work on herself and she could have maintained her Ivy League image and lied to you but she is seriously honest! Why would you even ask her that question anyway.

    You do realise there is nothing to be "grossed out" about no matter how many men a woman sleeps with it does not change her body in any way so what is there to be grossed out about? It's over and gone.

    By the way by asking this question in women's studies you asked in a category full of extreme misogynists and sexist jerks who hang out here to rant about how they hate women so you shouldn't take some of the answers that seriously.

  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    "We’re in the early phases of dating",

    "The sex is amazing"

    You are already dating, its a bit late to ask "should I date" You are meant to find out the history before you take it for a test drive it, was she the town bike? have your friends ridden it,

    Mental health Women in the past or present are not always a good idea if you want a nice peaceful life

    Its entirely up to you fella, but I would run a mile:-O

  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    Its up to you so dont ask others

  • Elana
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    There is no way we can tell from here how likely she is to relapse. She is certainly more likely to relapse than women generally are but how much? Also, ANY woman you take up with potentially may end up suffering from sexual addiction in much the same way that anybody can become a drunk. Does the fear of that happening with a non-addicted woman cause so much fear that you stay away from women?

    And if she does relapse, how would it effect you? What would you do?

    This is a pretty standard risk assessment question (unfortunately with squishy numbers).

    With low but non-zero risk of the bad thing happening, how bad would the bad thing be and can you handle it?

    Only you really know what you can handle, and nobody knows what her probability of relapse is, though you probably have a better handle on it than most of us.

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  • 6 months ago

    Her history has nothing to do with you or how she’ll treat you. If you find that gross or are going to hold that against her I think there will be a respect issue on your end. You should be mature enough to realize and accept everyone has some kind of baggage including yourself just in different ways. If she likes you don’t break her heart by making her feel guilty or unlovable for her past that she was brave enough to tell you about. (If things go wrong bc of the issue oh well, but don’t let that define her or the relationship.)

  • 6 months ago

    The key word here is "recovering."

    Not recovered. That would imply that she has gotten over her addiction to sex and was going on with her life.

    "Recovering" means that she was still in the throes of her addiction, quite capable of falling off the wagon and damaging the lives of the people around her that have feelings for her.

    She's a bomb with what might be a a defective fuse. She might not go off, she could be safe to be around for a long time, or she could go "BOOM" any minute and take you with her.

    Steer well clear.

  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    Just use her as a F-buddy. Don't get emotionally attached to her and don't get serious with her. Lie to her if you have to.

    There's nothing "wonderful" about her and don't make her fool you into thinking otherwise.

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    You should only date her if you can stop fixating on this part of her past. If it's something that's going to bother you and serve as ammo during arguments you should leave her to find someone without so many sexual hangups.

  • Joe
    Lv 5
    6 months ago

    You can wait for the perfect girl, but she may be waiting for the perfect guy. You dig ?

  • It's your choice

  • 6 months ago

    All women have some kind of emotional baggage

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