What do you think of these song lyrics I wrote?
Hi, I wrote a song called "I will get it". Here are the lyrics: Life is so pure, I don't know if i'm just standing here, though of this i'm sure, I have no time, that much is clear
I don't know what's gonna happen, although I keep reaching for it, i'm tired of doubting myself, I will wait again.
And with the night moon, this is my land
I'll be who I am
I only just begun
I know that my life starts today
And it can't go wrong, I refuse it, I will take control and let out these feelings, and it won't go wrong, I will get it, I will show them all nothing's gonna stop me now
This is what I say, Look at yourself, bring that plateau, It will be alright, today, we got to let it all go
And with the night moon, this is my world, I am who I am, I only just begun, and it can't go wrong, I refuse it, I will take control and let out these feelings, and it won't go wrong, I will get it, I will show them all I am unstoppable now
- 9 months ago
I get lost when you say "let out these feelings", because that is what the song is supposed to be describing in the first place. You also don't describe how come "Life is so pure", nor do we understand what "it" is when "it can't go wrong", "I refuse it", and "I keep reaching for it". What are you waiting for?
The English isn't tight. "I only just begun" is grammatically incorrect, and "bring that plateau" is a horrible metaphor since plateaus are bigger and must be reached.
In general, I get confused because you seem confused. I want to rejoice in what it is you are moving toward, but it isn't clear.