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Should I give up hope for my morbidly-obese sister in law?

My sister in law is mobidly obese. She doesn't seem to be serious about doing anything. She is suppose to get surgery but she keeps not meeting the expectation/requirements before getting the surgery (diet, exercise, some weight loss proof).

Her brothers live with her and some other people but they are doing everything for her around the clock. I mean EVERYTHING. The only time she gets up is to use the facilities or go out to eat.

I'm not one to enable her. I prefer tough love. Anytime someone calls her out, she blows them off and EXPECTS them to do what she orders so she's doesn't have to get up. I don't understand why ppl are jumping at her beckon call.

Anyway, I need to just give up hope at this point. I don't want to and it's not in my nature, but it's either give up hope, let go, or suffer in silence just watching her deteriorate and eventually die.

:( Is there anyone else that has a family member like this? How do you cope? It's so hard to watch. so very hard.

SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY PLEASE...I REALLY COULD USE POSITIVE FEEDBACK RIGHT NOW

38 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 year ago

    Just show her the benefits of being healthy and show you worry about her.

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  • 1 year ago

    Drop that hope immediately, she doesn't want to help herself, then you shouldn't either

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  • ron h
    Lv 7
    1 year ago

    Give up hope? No, you can hope. But clearly, there's nothing that you can do for her. There's nothing that you can tell her that she doesn't already know, so stop trying. I understand the tough love thing, but all that's doing is pissing her off and that makes her miserable for everybody else around her. I think your should see her as little as you can and when you do, talk about the weather or sports or something. She knows she's obese--you've got nothing new to say to her.

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  • e9601:
    Lv 6
    1 year ago

    Are you her care giver? If not, you have done all you can. She knows what the end result is and doesn't care. Distance yourself from her.

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  • kim
    Lv 7
    1 year ago

    Please remind her if her blood sugar is out of control the doctors will refuse her surgery

    • ron h
      Lv 7
      1 year agoReport

      the doc's have told her that.

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  • 1 year ago

    It’s a personal preference

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  • drip
    Lv 7
    1 year ago

    She is a grown adult and responsible for her own actions. Her doctors and therapists have told her all she needs to know. They can not force her to help herself or take their help. You need to stop thinking you are incharge of her. That this is something you need to be fixing

    Yes it is hard to watch.

    My mother has COPD and was told to stop smoking. She now has to have oxygen at night. She still smokes. She can also choose not to take a dose of her medications, becuase she didn’t feel like taking them. At a point I quit nagging and insisting. She knows what she should be doing and the consequences if she doesn’t. She knows I will help.

    If I don’t leave it at that, I will drive myself nuts.

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    • drip
      Lv 7
      1 year agoReport

      She may felt like you were trying to control her. You can stlil hope that one day they are ready

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  • 1 year ago

    not rnuch you can do about it but pray, you cant force sorneone to change

    • Beth F1 year agoReport

      I know I can't change her. I wish she knew what pain she's putting on all of us watching her put herself in the grave.

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  • 1 year ago

    The reason why people are just waiting on her hand and foot and listening to everything she says is probably because they don't wanna make her mad and if she doesn't get what she wants she probably guilt trips them. It can be hard to say no but they really need to because even though they dont want her to get mad at them they need to put her health first and right now she's knocking on death's door the human body can only do so much. But if she's not in therapy then she needs to get in there as soon as possible and hopefully she can get to the root of why she eats the way she does and why she doesn't seem to care that it's affecting her health. That's a really scary situation and i feel really bad for you because no one wants and no one needs to see someone they love suffering and slowly dying. The people who "help" her and wait on her like they do are literally helping bury her and they need to stop it. Yes it's gonna suck for them it's gonna get hard to deal with her and they will be tempted to give her into her but they need to make her understand that if they continue to enable her then they are only hurting her bc it really sounds like shes not thinking about that. She's not thinking long term and its dangerous that she isn't. So try to get her to go to therapy see if that might help because these people that let themselves go to the extent that its dangerous they have some very deep pain that they're dealing with and they're covering up their pain with food and they continue to do this because its how they cope and they dont want a new way to cope bc they probably think there isn't another way. They also don't wanna face their pain. Which is normal no one really wants to do that. But i hope she does get someone to talk to and that it gets better for her. If you have done all you can do and there's nothing left for you to do then it's up to you if you give up or not.

    • Beth F1 year agoReport

      Yes, she does guilt them and intimidates.
      She is in some kind of therapy which is required before getting surgery....I don't think it's really helping.
      It's true she doesn't want to deal with the pain.
      If she ever wants me to do things for her, I won't...I cant enable.
      Thank you for your comments.

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  • ?
    Lv 6
    1 year ago

    If you hoped that she'd be able to fit through a drainage pipe, then yes.

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    • ?
      Lv 6
      1 year agoReport

      You asked if you should give up hope. I'm just saying that very large people can do pretty much everything anybody else would want to, except something like fitting into a drainage pipe. If you do "give up," what does that even mean? Your question was unclear, so silly answers are only fitting.

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