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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 year ago

Is it better to be split the power in a relationship equally even if I have the power to make my husband do whatever I want?

We have a long history.

We married young and I spent nearly a decade married to the man where he lorded over me as his housewife. We split up for almost 2 years because of it, but never got divorced. He began dating another woman, and seemed to be happy with her, since she was the good little wife he had demanded I be. But when I began divorce proceedings he had a change of heart and came begging me not to divorce him and to get back with him. He admitted he was wrong to treat me how he did and in his views on women. He said that his new girlfriend was great, but he didn't love her like he loved me and ended the relationship on my demand in the hope I would take him back. I feel bad for her, because I know she loved him.

We've been dating for a few months, and I am much happier than I ever was. It's become clear to me that I have the power in the relationship. he is desperate to make things work with me. When talking about having children (which we both want soon) he said he would do whatever it takes even if he had to stay home to look after the children. He'd move wherever I want. Sometimes I do half the housework, sometimes I do none and he doesn't question it at all. In fact when I mention stuff like that he'll say "I'd do anything for you".

it's clear to me I have the power to demand he does everything or almost anything. So I guess my question is, why shouldn't I?

Update:

for the record he never treated me like sh!t. he always loved me and did a great deal to express it, He just would argue with me whenever I tried to escape his rigid expectations in that aspect of our relationship.

I'm hardly a naive teen when my husband is the one that begged and promised to do anything I needed and is living up to that promise.

Yes Marriage is a partnership, but not all partnerships are equal. In fact I doubt any relationship is 100% equal.

Update 2:

And I don't think I have become how he was. I would never allow him to become miserable like I was when he was demanding the relationship be how it was.

He is happy. The things I might demand would not make him unhappy.

9 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 year ago

    You didn't like it back when he had the power and if you turn into a tyrant he's not going to like it either. It would be great if you two could find some equilibrium in the relationship (this may require counseling). But what's most important is that you don't have children until you've resolved all this. Once you're molding little minds you forfeit the moral authority to just walk out because you feel disrespected.

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  • Anonymous
    1 year ago

    You will grow tired of a partner who is not your equal eventually. Either you will first or he will, y’all should just split up

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  • 1 year ago

    Sure you got the power NOW. But later? He will either come to realise you HATE him and are choosing to keep punishing him and he will leave again, or you will get away with it and cheat because you have so little respect for him. Will either really be a good place to raise those potential kids?

    Wouldn't it be better for them to be raised in a home where the parents had a solid and healthy relationship? Think about it before making any big decision either way.

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  • 1 year ago

    Nope.

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  • i + i
    Lv 7
    1 year ago

    Yes.

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  • Tepee
    Lv 7
    1 year ago

    You would have better harmony in your relationship if the power was shared as equally as possible.

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  • Steve
    Lv 7
    1 year ago

    Yes. If you want a milquetoast husband, hog the power. If you don’t, realize you don’t have any power over him he doesn’t give you.

    Be his queen, not his mama.

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  • 1 year ago

    You have the power? You let a man treat you like sh!t and then let him back into your life like some naive teen? Look how that has changed you for the worse. A marriage is a partnership. Each person has a role to play in that partnership. That's what it is all about, not who has power over who. It seems as though your mentality has become his and you really think that's power?

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  • Anonymous
    1 year ago

    We all recognize you, wee little troll.

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