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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 year ago

I am getting divorced, how much details about my husband's mistakes do I fill the kids in on so they know how rotten he was to me?

I want them to know the truth and the 13 year old I have told. The 10 and 7 year old I don't want to confuse with the adultery stories. I want them to know their father is a liar so they see the truth and why I had to leave him.

Update:

You all who told me "don't do it" don't know my husband. He deserves to have his children resent him, we all should. It is called being a family. I am the parent now, not him.

Update 2:

Thumbs down to all, including best answer person.

27 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 year ago
    Favourite answer

    The truth is that the two of you have agreed to divorce. That's all they need to know.

    The rest of it is private.

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  • 1 year ago

    I disagree with most here-- first its a matter of the ages of your kids-- over 20-21 ish.... tell them, not in a hateful way just matter of the way it was--

    My mom passed away in 07-& my father lived for 3 years after- only then did I find out the extent of his BS- I wish my mom had shared with me it would have explained so much and helped me understand what he really was- he betrayed me & my sibling out of our inheritance- all to his gold digging secret new wife he cheated with while Mom was still alive too-- after the deep recession and I lost my job and was devastated

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  • 1 year ago

    none of their business

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  • Anonymous
    1 year ago

    You really need to watch more Dr. Phil

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  • Lita
    Lv 6
    1 year ago

    You don't bring it up at all. He may have been horrible to you but that doesn't give you the right to be horrible to your children by telling them everything. You had no reason to tell the 13 year old and should be ashamed that you're burdening a child with this information.

    My Mum left my sperm donor because he was a p.o.s. in every conceivable way. She also went out of her way to try to get him to spend time with us and never, ever bad mouthed him to us because she wanted us to form our own opinions of him. She may well have hated him later, I never asked but she made sure she never told us if she did and she never blamed him for the divorce.

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  • Kelly
    Lv 7
    1 year ago

    Absolutely none of it.

    Your ex is not your kids' ex, they don't need to know the details of your relationship. By doing so really all you're doing is putting those kids in the middle all while trying to alienate them from their other parent which is detrimental to their well being. Those kids need to see both of their parents in a positive light.

    I don't care how old they are or how mature you think they may be, these are straight up adult issues they shouldn't need to worry about.

    My ex and I divorced when our kids were toddlers, they're 17 & 19 now and still don't know exact details, just vague stuff.

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  • 1 year ago

    You NEVER bring the issues to the kids. NEVER. A real mother (or father) would not be so petty. Whatever destroyed the marriage is non of the kids business.

    Now, I won't lie. I did tell my 12 year old daughter what her dad did to me. But she asked and I told her he cheated and abused me. But I didn't tell her to hate her dad for what she did to me. She doesn't really want him in her life (for different reasons. He got remarried, and he shows love to his new daughter more than her. He barely calls at all. Never really asks her how she is. So she is already seeing for herself how much he values her.) Let your kids decide how to feel about your ex. Don't bring your issues to them. To me, that is being a shitty parent.

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  • 1 year ago

    I suggest NOT filling the kids heads with your complaints about their dad, move on with your own life apart from him, allow them to have what relationship with them that he (your ex) is able to maintain and let them come to understand the truth for themselves.

    Parents trashing each other is REALLY bad for kids. They love both of you, they are biologically programmed to love both of you, and if the two of you are trashing each other it’s hurtful, confusing and damaging to the kids. And I suggest you immediately cease talking to the 13 year old about it as well. You aren’t talking to her about it for her, you are doing it for yourself and there are better, adult outlets for your frustrations. Your 13 year old has enough to deal with with typical teenager stuff without parental drama and enmity piled on top of that.

    I suggest you see a counselor or therapist and learn some tools for how to manage your frustration, dissapointment and anger with their father without damaging your children.

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  • David
    Lv 7
    1 year ago

    But will they believe you if they know about your boyfriends?

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  • Anonymous
    1 year ago

    DON'T DO IT !!

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