Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsEngagements & Weddings · 2 years ago

Do you need to ask for hand in marriage before proposal?

Hi All,

I need some help, do you need to ask your partners parents hand in marriage before you propose?

I know most people tend to do this but I'm struggling.

I love my girlfriend, she's the best thing that happened to me. We have been together now for just under two years and we are perfect for each other. She's helped me with so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

My parents advised me to ask for permission first before the proposal but the only problem I have. My girlfriend is always with me and I rarely see her parents on my own without her been with me.

Could I text my partners Mum and Dad asking for permission or would you avoid this?

I am 22 and I don't have a clue what to do haha, any help would be great.

Thank you.

21 Answers

  • 2 years ago

    It would be the right thing to do go to her father and ask him or ask both her parents

  • Liz
    Lv 7
    2 years ago

    A proposal IS asking for her hand in marriage. And you ask HER, not anyone else.

  • Trish
    Lv 5
    2 years ago

    I know you want to get their blessings not permission so tell your girlfriend you want to ask them and set up a time for it.

  • Lita
    Lv 6
    2 years ago

    No, you don't need to do so. It's an old fashioned notion that some people follow but that doesn't mean everyone does or that it has to be done.

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    2 years ago

    First know that unless you’re planning a three year engagement you’re going to get a no (because you’re far too young to get married). But when the time comes you can text the parents and ask them to meet you for coffee. Don’t ask permission via text.

  • Anonymous
    2 years ago

    If she's mature enough to be married, she's mature enough to make the decision without any input from her parents.

    I would be absolutely ticked off if you asked for my parents' permission. You need MY permission, not THEIR permission.

  • GB
    Lv 5
    2 years ago

    I think that while it is still usual for men to propose marriage, that they rarely do it, before the woman drops some kind of hint. Assuming your girlfriend is at least 18 (old enough to marry without parental permission) you do not need to ask for her hand in marriage. There are some women who like you to ask their parents though, even if the woman is - say over 30 or has been married before. However, most women see it as a formality, to make their parents feel good, and would be shocked if their parents said ,"No way!"

    You could ask you girlfriend for 'advice' about a friend. He wants to know if he should ask permission to marry his girlfriend. She might guess what you are hinting at, but at least you will find her preferences.

  • Anonymous
    2 years ago

    think about it some more. you're only 22 and don't even know how to ask her parents.

  • drip
    Lv 7
    2 years ago

    Her parents do not own her. You don’t need their permission. She can decide for herself if she wants to marry you.

    You both can go to them to ask for their blessings.

  • 2 years ago


    Wait until you're around 25 and better off financially and in terms of your maturity. It's fine to talk about how special she is to you- but marriage is a lot bigger than you realize, and you will stay together if you are meant to be lifelong partners. When you are ready, you will feel a lot more solid than you clearly do now. You may have made the right choice- but you're not ready to take the leap yet. Talk to her about how you feel.

    You are a bit young to propose still- and I would strongly suggest that this be a discussion between you and your GF first. Women were once considered property- first of their father's, and then of their husband's. Thankfully, that no longer exists, and your only request should be of your GF. It would be disrespectful to imply that she is not a whole person- and adult- who can make that decision for herself.

    If she is old enough to marry, she is old enough to make that decision on her own. Don't make her feel as if she doesn't make her own decisions by asking her parents' permission for anything, other than to use their house for a party.

    She isn't property- she is a woman. And if you haven't had discussions about the hard questions in life- whether or not she wants children, in which religion they might be raised, where you would live, whether or not you would take in a sick relative, whether or not you would move for a dream job of hers or yours, whether or not you would terminate a pregnancy of a terribly deformed child, what you would do if one of you were paralysed...

    If you haven't had those discussions, and this is more of a formality than a surprise, you aren't ready. So talk about all those things, and be mature about this- or you aren't ready. She can walk across the street without their help. She can make her own life decisions.

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