I Hardly Feel Pain Anymore?

Hey. I’m sure this has been asked a billion times before. I’m just itching to get it out. Ever since I was young, I’ve been dealing with severe, severe depression and 0 confidence. Way back in the eighth grade, I started up many bad habits: starving, burning, cutting myself. I’m littered with little cuts on my... show more Hey. I’m sure this has been asked a billion times before. I’m just itching to get it out. Ever since I was young, I’ve been dealing with severe, severe depression and 0 confidence. Way back in the eighth grade, I started up many bad habits: starving, burning, cutting myself. I’m littered with little cuts on my upper arms and deep scarring on my thighs. After all this time, it’s become second nature. I keep a razor in my phone case; I even found myself unconsciously making little lines on my thumb the other day on the train. I only noticed when I heard whispers and saw a lady giving me side eye; so embarrassing. I stopped feeling from self harm YEARS ago; but what concerns me is that I barely feel unintentional pain either at this point. No physical or mental pain really gets to me anymore. I fell down the stairs recently, ridding me of two toenails, giving me a sprained ankle, and earning me several gashes on my cheeks from the bannister at the bottom of my staircase. I hardly even flinched. I didn’t think about the pain; I really couldn’t feel it. My only thought was,”Damn. I’ve dropped my coffee.” It’s almost like I’m not even a human anymore; I’m practically void of the biggest part of humanity: feeling. I’m like a shell. Im starting to feel like I’m at the end of my rope. How do I feel again?
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