What to do about my depression? (I’m 15 and having suicidal thoughts)?

I honestly do not know what to do about this. 90 percent of my life I have been depressed. I get happy in short bursts when a friend tells a joke or just when we are chilling at each other’s houses. I don’t quite know why, but almost everything makes me depressed. When I’m listening to music that isn’t supposed to... show more I honestly do not know what to do about this. 90 percent of my life I have been depressed. I get happy in short bursts when a friend tells a joke or just when we are chilling at each other’s houses. I don’t quite know why, but almost everything makes me depressed. When I’m listening to music that isn’t supposed to be sad, a major wave of depression hits me. When I’m watching funny T.V shows-such as the office-, just seeing the teamwork, people in happy relationships, and just people who have good friends, makes me very depressed. Sometimes for no good reason I get depressed. Random suicidal thoughts come to me. For example, I was in math class doing an equation, and out of nowhere, a thought of me shooting myself came up. It doesn’t happen fast, the thought just sits there for hours, and I start to zone out. I feel alone for some reason and feel like i am treated differently. I am too scared to tell anyone, so what should I do?
Update: I have gone as far as holding a knife to my wrist. The only reason I don’t do it is because I am scared of the pain. I feel worthless and feel like no one would really miss me.
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