i can relate to how you feel, in many ways, i feel broken myself and I can't remember last time I was excited about life. I feel very much stuck in a meaningless life and every day starts with me not having the energy to care for whats gonna happen today only for it to end with me feeling like I've wasted the day completely and it has become an evil circle that I seem to lack the will to break.
I've always heard people say that once you reach rock bottom there's only one way to go, and that's up.
But I'm starting to think that maybe there's no such thing as a bottom, just an endless pit.
Another thing is the fact that many people suggest that one should seek help when feeling like this, but reaching out isn't always easy and speaking from how I feel myself, I really don't like the way I feel.. but at the same time, it's not quite severe enough for me to do anything about it.. like.. I want to? but I lack the motivation.
I find it easier to just talk to people, the only problem is finding people to talk to.
Cant really talk to "friends" or family about it, because they most likely wouldn't understand, and on top of it, I don't want to worry people whom might care for me with how I feel.
Sometimes it all feels hopeless, but I think the only thing that can be done about it is to power through or wait till it becomes enough of a problem as to where you're forced to seek help unless you can motivate yourself to look for it before that happens.
At least that's how I see it.
I know it can be tough finding someone to talk about things like this with, but id be open to talk to about it if you don't feel like you have someone else you can talk things through with.
I've always preferred talking to strangers over the internet because its not as hard to be open and honest about one's feelings with someone that isn't close enough to cause a backfire... And i only say that because I've had my fair share of false friends.
Also... Don't force yourself to paint unless it gives you joy or helps you feel better, doing things against your will is a fast way to stop caring about it all together, When what used to be fun turns into a chore and feels forced, that's when you know you have lost something along the way, and if you keep heading down the wrong path you might never find your way back.
It worries me that theres been 2+weeks now and theres been no update, i hope if you do read this that you're alrigth.