I'm going insane..... Help?

So am 14 now and I have been going insane for awhile ago. I am constantly dark minded and have thoughts of murdering poeple for action of cruelty. I always carry a weapon at hand and am ready to attack for the slightest reason.My temper is very short and I am always looking behind myself.I had depression for... show more So am 14 now and I have been going insane for awhile ago. I am constantly dark minded and have thoughts of murdering poeple for action of cruelty. I always carry a weapon at hand and am ready to attack for the slightest reason.My temper is very short and I am always looking behind myself.I had depression for awhile but my tears have turned to anger and rage......I have a love of physical pain and my emotional pain is disappearing..... I don't have many emotions either.......my mom pressures me to hide my feelings and says keeping them in is important.....she say I should quit my dreams of animation or robot design because a few years after college I will get marred and have kids to take care of.......she always harps on me and says I should just agree with her that us woman were designed by god to kids and raise them. She always pressures me into things........and she banished me from my best friend ......I think she is causing this in a way ....help pls
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