Step-daughter says I verbally attack her; husband agrees?
I honestly beg to differ. Earlier today she and my husband were talking, and I decided to comment on what she said. Then out of nowhere she says, "You always have a comment on everything I say or do, even when I don't ask for your opinion and when it doesn't involve you." Okay, first off, I can comment on whatever I want. I don't care if you asked for my opinion or not. I always have problems with this child, and my husband had the nerve to tell me to "Leave her alone," for what reason? I just give my two cents, I don't care if she likes it or not honestly. I honestly have no idea why she thinks I'm always "verbally attacking" her.
What do you think? It seems like my husband is on her side, how do I deal with him?
- Liza2Lv 77 years agoBest answer
A healthy relationship requires 5 positives for each negative. How many positive comments do you make to her to counteract each negative? I doubt it's five! If you want her to value your opinion and value you, perhaps you should pick your battles, make negative comments only when it's important, and point out what you do like about her, too.
- Barb OuthereLv 77 years ago
I think its really sad that you got involved with a man who already had a child and don't care for the child as well. I don't think you are being "honest" with your opinion at all, I think you may well be being spiteful because you resent ANY other female in his life, sharing his attention. At least that is how you come across.
It isn't ALL about you, you know "...I can comment on whatever I want. I don't care if you asked for my opinion or not. I always have problems with this child...I don't care if she likes it or not honestly..." see how this says your attitude towards the child IS always negative? That maybe yours is a dominating, have to be right personality? Maybe you do need to do some soul searching?
- 7 years ago
, I think if your coming off mean to her then you are verbally attacking her but you didn't notice it but this girl also sounds like a ***** and the dad I see he would stick with his daughter he knew her MORE then you and probally LOVES her more but still ,, You should understand that maybe the girl is right that you are verbally attacking her but you don't know it yet , do you feel jealous of her? Or do you actually like/love her but you just want her to do the right thing and so you comment but she thinks your trying to be rude.. I don't know and well never know and nor well anyone else know cause this is YOUR problem and the situation we don't know but I still think you need to talk to her about it and your husband or File a divorce or just close your mouth around her cause if you don't she wont like you and your husband well resent you
ALSO - II THINK YOUR RIGHT you are now the ''second'' mother and for you being the mother you have to tell her what you think and whats right or wrong!Source(s): I'm sorry If I said stuff that were probally not true..
- sans sLv 47 years ago
Unless you two have a good relationship, it is best not to talk directly to her. Depending on the case, you can always talk to your husband and give your opinion on the subject. If he likes it, he will convey it to her as if it were his idea - she might listen.
It is not funny, it is not easy, and it takes years off a woman when she deals with her better half's offspring, but sometimes you just have to take a step back for your own sake.
As for your husband, tell him never ever to contradict or tell you off in front of anyone let alone the kid. Compromise saying that you will refrain from talking to her when you are not in the conversation, but you will still give your two cents to him - specially if it refers to family finances (in that case, you must be involved, heck with both of them).Source(s): Stepmom of one.
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- LaredoLv 77 years ago
You are in for a lifetime of misery. Your husband will always take his daughter's side whether you are right or wrong. I went through that with my husband's daughter, even when she asked him to make me give her my shoes, bras, clothing, etc., and he was stupid enough to try it. She even tried to separate us. One day while my husband was at work she started some crap with me. I told her that if she wanted to live in my house she had better clean up her act or she would be gone before he came home from work. I demanded that she apologize and told her if she ever did anything against me again she was out of there as fast as lightening.
She is married now but still thinks she has precedence. She came for a visit and tried to get into my office while I was sleeping one night but I had locked the door. She was stupid enough to ask me why I had locked the door. We went to her house for Thanksgiving 4 years ago and she stole a $125 garment bag from me. I refuse to go back to her house and she is not welcome at mine. Sometimes it's best to love someone from a distance.
- BobbieLv 67 years ago
She's a minor, and if you are the legal guardian, it's within your prevue and responsibility to instill guidance and direction. THAT'S what parents do.
There is no such thing as a verbal attack, she just trying to put you on the defensive, don't play..you only a retorted.
- Gaia’s GardenLv 77 years ago
It's not a verbal attack, but it's rude to put yourself into a private conversation, unless it's about you.
- AnonymousLv 77 years ago
Sorry I agree with them - if you are not part of the conversation or it is none of your business then you shouldn't offer an opinion. No one likes unwanted advice - think about how you feel about getting it from your own mom. Don't try to be this girl's mother...you are overstepping your bounds.
- 7 years ago
How do u deal with him? U grow up and ignore her when she acts like this. That's the ADULT thing to do! Don't but into her conversations from now on. It may suck, but it's really that simple. He is right to defend his daughter. Keep it up and u will be headed to divorce court!