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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 7 years ago

I need Christian advice: I'm in a marriage alone.?

I am a Christian wife who prays for change in myself and in my husband daily. I believe God can work miracles. My husband moved to Florida from up north to be with me. We've been married almost four years. My husband seems emotionally dead towards me. He wasn't always like this. I do think I know why though. He has been scarred with a troubled childhood and multiple bad relationships with females starting with his mother and sister. When we met he understood I was a Christian. In the beginning he would initiate prayer with me and I loved that. He did wonderful things for my mom and I adored that. He is always a giving person still. Except with me. And now he shuts everyone out. Never violent or loud...just...nothing. I also have two daughters from a previous marriage. He initially told me of two children he has but... 6 months into our marriage I found out there were 2 more children he never told me about. And I only knew of one previous marriage. Turns out there were two. I found out all of this through old papers in the garage. I have since forgiven him for all that and I'm trying to move forward. But he's so negative that he allows work, and baby mama drama to come in between us. I asked him if he loved me. He told me he didn't even love himself. I mentioned therapy. He's not interested. I pray all day over him and about this situation. Now we rarely speak. Any touching, I initiate. He pulls away. Its hard getting my feelings hurt daily. God is carrying me and I thank Him! No one knows the depth of our issues. I know i had issues with how I handled things but I'm really trying and learning how to love my husband. Thinking before I speak...and showing him encouragement and letting him know I want to be there. He says he doesn't feel like a part of this family. My family loves him. He keeps shutting himself out. And without getting too graphic, intimacy lately..when it does happen is just...him laying there "ready" with a pillow over his head, waiting for me to do whatever. Now I've been called pretty even beautiful by many people and I try to stay attractive:? On top of that, he misses TWO of his kids, things aren't going well at work, we don't share finances (child support drama, we both agreed not to) so I pay for everything except light bill...To top it off...he wont see a counselor with me! just needed an outlet. Sorry its so long. What would you do in this situation? My God and my kids keep me going...thanks...

Update:

To answer why I divorced the first time. I found out my husband repeatedly committed adultery....grounds for divorce.

9 Answers

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  • 7 years ago
    Favourite answer

    If you are a Christian and he is not, then that is the problem. You need to share the Gospel with him so God can reach out to him.

    1 Corinthians 7:12-16 " 12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her.13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases.But God has called us to peace.16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?"

    Pray for him and treat him as a good husband whether he is right now or not. God can do amazing things with the right attitude from you. Also read Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Best marriage book ever!

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  • Holly
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    God wants you to be happy. The "rules" set by the Church are interpetations of God's will. At the same time, as a Christian, you need to look inside yourself and hear what God is saying to you. If you feel that this marriage happened under false pretenses, deception, then you need to break free before you have children. Bringing children into a home without loving, committed parents is the least Christian thing you can do. Go speak with a couples therapist. It would be easy to say go speak with a priest or pastor, but for now you need to speak with someone removed from the church and seek advice based on how you are feeling and not what other's interpet you should do. If you are not happy, then how can you celebrate the Lord? Do what your heart tells you.

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  • Anonymous
    7 years ago

    A pillow over his head? That doesn't sound good at all. I commend you for being so supportive and trying to make this work, but it takes two. It sounds like he's checked out of the marriage. You need to decide how long you want to go on like this. Life's too short to be in a loveless marriage.

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  • Anonymous
    7 years ago

    Read these books on marriage and apply them. Your husbands attitude towards you will change

    'How To Teach Your Husband to Love You' by Richard Doughery

    The surrendered wife

    And

    Fascinating Womanhood

    Source(s): Amazon
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  • Bobbie
    Lv 6
    7 years ago

    God Helps those who help themselves. You're not going to change your husband and I don't think that waiting for God to do it for you is the answer either. It's pretty obvious that this man has some things that he wants to keep a secret and in that secrecy, you will grow nothing but suspicion and fear. Perhaps it's time to quit hoping for a miracle and time for you to see life for what it is and take some steps to make things better. Your children are depending on you to fight for their happiness and not to be sitting on your hands, and hoping for a miracle.

    Also, I'm sick of this new phrase "baby mama". A far as I am concerned this is just another masking word/phrase for an unmarried woman cranking out little bastards with a man who has no responsibility ..except to his carnal pleasures.

    As far as your husband- -a man his..the things which he does in this life.

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  • 7 years ago

    His lies were fraud and you could have had the marriage annulled when you found out. I think you're fighting a losing battle i'm afraid. I'm Catholic myself, and I think you need to ask yourself what God really wants for you and your children and do that. I think God wants you to be happy and would be able to see that you were conned into this mess through no fault of your own.

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  • 7 years ago

    I beg to differ, since you say your christian I take it you know how much God hates divorce. The devil HATES a praying couple in marriage so he will try to break your'll in everyway so I'm saying hold on to your marriage, keep praying for your marriage for God will intervene. This must be hard for you but God can see your tears and he cares for you, don't give up, just hold on and he will wipe your tears away........

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  • Ocimom
    Lv 7
    7 years ago

    You and him need to have some serious marriage counseling to resolve the issues if the marriage is to be saved. Talk to your pastor about what to do and where you guys can go.

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  • 7 years ago

    if your Christian why did you divorce once already,,,till death do you part what god said

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