Suicidal and socially messed up.... Any ideas what I've got?
Hi, I'm a 15 year old bisexual girl. I get a lot of comments about being bi and emo, so please don't say stuff like that.
My mother hates me. That is a fact. She pretends to be a caring mother who worries about her daughter when people are around but when they leave the facade leaves with them also.
I've been bullied as long as I can remember. I'm pretty much the personification of "social outcast". Even my supposed "friends" either backstab me or be completely oblivious to my existence.
When I came out as bi to a friend, they wasted no time telling everyone, which obviously lead to worse bullying. Once that calmed, I started dating a nice girl and when another friend spread that around, she dumped me and joined the side of the bullies.
It was pretty much like that for a while, it got to the point where I was petrified of walking to the end of the street, let alone face school. Then that died down also. This was when everyone started forgetting me, and I became invisible to their faces, but extremely visible to gossip.
A few weeks ago, I went to a party with a good friend (who's only just started forgetting me), and I was very nearly raped. The only reason he stopped was because he heard my friend walking over to us.
A week later I started dating a lad my friend was mates with. He'd also helped me out about the week before.... Then I found out he'd been sleeping around.
I cut, smoke, take painkillers, drink whenever possible (very rarely all in one day, smoking tends to stop me doing any of the others). I'm always thinking of suicide. I can't trust anyone. I've been seeing a counsellor in school and one out of school for three years. As you can probably tell, they are no help. I tend to not bother speaking to people unless I absolutely have to, because I don't want to be hurt again. I tend to have conversations with people I make up in my head to talk myself down from doing stuff (I don't hear voices, I make them up, though sometimes I do hear a voice say a single word to me when nobody's there). I'm down all the time. I'm constantly paranoid, tense and anxious, and always feel like someone's following or watching me, or talking about me, I'm constantly on edge. Nothing looks or seems real anymore, like it's all one massive nightmare. My mind is always fuzzy or numb. I always feel everyone is lying to me or are conspiring against me behind my back. It's a constant cycle of anxiety, numbness and anger, and I'm fed up of people in general. I'm constantly drained of energy, it is impossible to concentrate. For example, I used to be a great reader. Now it takes me forever just to focus on one word. I want to run away from everyone and everything really bad. I have a mental timetable and I panic more than usual when I feel it's been broken.I can't go to sleep within a two-hour period, so I usually don't go to sleep until a stupid time, and I can't get up in the mornings, and I'm overly hyper at times. I always think of suicide and death.
Despite all this and wanting it all to go away, I'm still scared of what it'd be like if I didn't feel like this, because I've been like this since I was twelve.
Please, can someone help me find out what I've got and how to deal with it?? As I've already mentioned, counsellors don't work, so anything else?? Please help me....
- Anonymous7 years agoFavourite answer
Visit blackdogtribe.com for online support.. Also if urselfesteem is very low right now. U need to find ways toimprove it, look online for tips. Also try learning and doingnew things; start small and this will give u a sense ofachievement. .. Visit yourlifeyourvoice.org to talk to a freeonline councellor.. Look up exercise and depression online itreleases endorfins which improve mood and brainchemistry. and Art Therapy; channelling what ur feeling intosomething creative helps ur brain process the negativity inur head: a good technique is to doodle when thinking aboutthe things that depress u, doodling brings ur thoughts intothe present and stops u dwelling on the things that depressu. also find some volunteer work; helping others or naturebuilds selfesteem, gives life new meaning gives perspective, u meet nice peopleand gives good karma... u dont have to believe in god but findingsome spirituality can really help and good karma is a goodstart... basically research all u can on depression then whenu find things that help come on here and share with theother deprrssed people, more good karma. Why not joinclubs groups and activities in ur community where you llmeet like minded people. Or challenge urself by joininggroups u wouldnt normally be interested in. and dont beafraid of going to ur doctor, be totally honest and they llunderstand and be able to help; medication or a change ofmedication can work wonders, like lifting a weight from urshoulders. people have all kinds of reasons for living. Thejourney of self discovery is half of the reward. Go on ajourney, tryng different ways of living until u find one thatmakes sense. The best form of suicide is to kill ur old life and build a new one. Change everything. Good luck and I hope u find better people in ur life soon. Just remember that things can get better. The older u get the more choice u have about ur life and the people in it and it will get better.
- demsterLv 44 years ago
No that may no longer a objective to now no longer visit training. I understand training sucks. I hated college whether it easily extremely has this is makes use of. One is.. To get a properly training so as which you ought to head aspects mutually as you detect your self older. this is.. pass to college which no person EVER regrets (this is soo lots a chortle.. ) and get a perfect technique so as which you mustn't have offered to slave away for the exhilaration of your life. something reason you're fending off college... properly you ought to opt to administration that. Are you unhappy via fact of school? provided that of the rigidity? the teachers? Bullies? no longer being social king/queen? If now no longer.. what's making you so unhappy? Can that is secure? Or one way or the different taken care of? the unhappy/depressed/suicidal is definitley an concern. that is tough, i understand.. And that is lots harder making an attempt to visual reveal unit of sorting out mutually as all which you would be able to believe approximately is that abyss you would be able to desire to bounce into to remember actual no longer something. Does your college have a counselor? Is there someplace which you ought to head to get some therapy? No you do no longer seem to be loopy. talking to a counselor specially helps.. and that they are in a position that may assist you with procedures to maintain your melancholy. have you ever talked to mothers and fathers approximately the type you experience? Are they the help sort? in the event that they seem to be a area of the predicament.. Then specific actual detect a counselor. which you ought to get greater advantageous from this hump. agency is complicated and interestingly ineffective however this is purely one rocky direction to something bigger. do no longer provide up on college yet. Or don't think of it as training and teachers. think of of it as a predicament to get carry of earnings of. To detect out greater suitable approximately your hobby. you have gotten a protracted-term purely before you and you'd be able to desire to take a glance at your great to make it a properly one even yet it seems rather a procedures away now. good good fortune with the melancholy and unhappiness. There are little steps to maintain it daily and a technique is to persevere regardless of it.
- 7 years ago
Keep your hopes up. Please don't kill yourself;
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem!!!
Just think that sooner or later you will be able to move away from home and start a different life. Go on a diet and eat healthy food to get more energy.
I may be a complete stranger, but I care about you, not what you look like; give me a chat; email@example.com
~Keep your hopes up, <<<helpful>>>~
- Anonymous7 years ago
Many people have testified that when they died in their hospital bed and came back to life later that they met Jesus, and He told them it is not time for them to be taken, and He sent them back into their body and they were miraculously healed... all to the doctors and nurses amazement. Others who died saw their bodies from above as they left and headed down a dark tunnel where they could see flames and the smell of sulfur ahead. They called out to the Lord Jesus to save them, and He did and sent them back into their bodies to tell others... the doctors and nurses could not believe they came back to life. I have several friends who prayed for such a man who died in a hospital bed, and he came back to life after 3 hours. I also know that man and that this was verified by the hospital as being all true.
God did not create you to commit suicide. Ask the Lord Jesus Christ to be your Lord and Savior, as He died on the cross for your sins. Start reading the New Testament of the bible. Go to the church God puts on your heart to. Live for Christ, and you will find peace and happiness.Source(s): www.jesusisreal.org
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- 7 years ago
i don't know what councellor you went to bu its clear you have clinical depression. please dont worry! its NOT YOUR FAULT! my niece has it and i do try to help her. please stop cutting and smoking boh won't help your mood as i found out myself. i have been depressed and it even got to the extent of i would just stay in bed i wouldnt communicate o anyone i wouldn eat r do anything. it was all because i felt let down with my friends and i was getting bullied every day i stopped going to school aswell. i only got bullied because people called me fat ugly and a whore which i am no. it took me ages to overcome there comments and finally feel some self worth! i changed my friends which ofcourse is easier said than done but it helped alot i focoused on thinking ppositively such as things like what do i want to do today? what do i want to achieve tomorrow? i still get bulied bu once i fnaly felt a small bit of confiedence i was amazing i had never feltt confidence a all since primary school. i still feel down a imes bu i try my best to beat it beecause if you give in to the negatives you can never see the positives! you are alot like me exetp i am not bisexual ut i jave frinds who are and i accept every one for who they are. i do have consisstent night mares and i understand that one simple night terror can ruin your mindset for a month and its awfull. eat more fruits and vegetables i know that its a boring thing and i am in no way implying your curren diet is bad but if you eat more it will help your enegy! i want to help i go through alot of what you do i really would like to speak to you do you have an email? dont worry i am 14 which is only year younger please i want to help you! or atleast attempt