Sex before marriage with a prostitute, can i be forgiven?
well, first of all, i am a 25 years old male and i am a religious man, i believe in the teachings of Buddha, my entire life i have been thought in the family never to drink, smoke, even play around with a sexual misconduct..
but after all, we are all human, we are our own suffering to be born in this world, and also the desire of human pleasure which leads to wrong action
as for the case for me, i dont even know why but i never had a gf for almost 10 years and i guess that as a human, i am still not perfect to hold that urge to have pleasure and i give my own reason to finally have sex with a Massage masseuse for a couple of times in a year, of course that is using protection
i know, how many times i regret it, and how much i want to erase it from my memory in this life, it will never be erased anymore, i regret it that i didn't save it for the person that eventually will marry me.. there is nothing i can do to change what is done,
now recently i finally find the love of my life, i found a girl who i am dating now, and she's a devoted Christian and we are so far, very very happy being together
i recently talk to her about commitment and trust before we eventually will go into the stage of marriage and we agree that we can put everything that is in the past, stayed in the past, but she also said that we should admit what we done in the past for the trust in the marriage life,
so i prayed to Buddha and even ask for a forgiveness for my Karma and hope i can repay it with a good Karma,
and eventually i told her a part of me where i went to a Massage parlour and told her that i did something bad while i was there, with the mind that she would understand that it can be as bad as having sex with the masseuse there.. ( what else would i tell her? the complete story? )
she told me, that i am forgiven.. and she said every sin a person made, God forgives and she said what's in the past is in the past..
i feel so happy when i know that this girl accept my sex history ( if even she knew that what i meant when i told her that i did bad things in the massage place ) i just couldnt give her the line where i say you will not be my first in sex life anymore.. that i did it with a masseuse..
the question is.. i feel so confused whether i should get over with this thoughts that have been haunting me ever since i know the feel of a true love from this girl.. and i love her so much that it hurts me i didnt wait for her to lose my virginity
now what always think is that, yes, Love is not just sex, there is more to love than sex, maybe if i have sex with my future wife, it will still be special although i will already have a scar in me that she is not the first
but i always try to think, at least that i wore condom when i did it with the masseuse, and technically that although i did it, but i didnt touch the inside of the vagina of the woman that i dont even have love and affection to..
what do you guys think.. am i a failure in this life? i really cant sleep just because thinking about this.. i always try to make my self feel better.. by thinking that i havent done it with other people without condom.. and i shall only safe my whole body without the use of condom to my wife
i dont know.. just wish that someone can talk me into this.. i know in the end, it's still about me, none of you can change the fact that i already did what i did..
i have also taken an oat that i shall never do this again since i am with her, and i always believe that past is past.. i had a couple of sex with masseuse in my entire life and decided that it should be enough
really need advice because i really cant stop blaming myself and really depressed although i am sure that my gf somewhat forgave me
is sex with the person you love ( wife ) can eventually changed the way i think about this from my past dark history
is it still a sin if i told her that i did those stuffs without explaining to her the details? because what i told her is that i did something bad in a massage place, and i didnt mention exactly that i had sex, well, because i think that that alone she should get what i am ashamed and guilt from..
she might think that we only touched each other without really doing intercourse..
because in my teachings / believe.. that, what we done, is our own suffering and karma and people we know or love should not know especially that if this is the past before i even met her
so she is Christian, what would a Christian girl view on this? should i just say mention that i had sex like that or it's enough for her to know that i did "something" bad and just let it be in the past and that something that i only should know and not to let the person i love know more