mother in law over stepping boundaries.. help :(?
i am 23 years old i am 5 and a half months pregnant with my first baby... me and my husband are so very excited. due to financial problems we were offered to move into the in laws house. they have done renovations for us to have our own little palace in the basement of their home. the agreement was for them to help us. and since the renovations its been horrible. i needed a job so my mother in law offered for me to work with her at her restaurant i agreed under conditions that i did not work along side with her due to fear of bumping heads. everything seemed to be going smoothly until the other co workers started to feel as i would be getting special treatment being the bosses daughter in law. so they had made me do extra work that usually takes two people to do. problems arose in the job due to mother in law being stressed out about not wanting the company anymore. and with trying to rush renovations. i had lost my mother when i was 18 years old and my father who has neglected me for as far as i can remember is not in my life. i have learned to do things alone. unfortunately it started with the mother in law making comments about my eating habits, saying how i will be 300 lbs.. and so on, then it started with me coming into work earlier then scheduled because she had renos to do. then it was running erans for her. and when it came to doctors appointments she would rush me home because i had her vehicle call me periodically. sooner or later i started to loose my cool. and started saying no. she would walk away slam doors and cry to her husband which he would come to speak to me. never have i ever felt attacked the way i do now. with my back against the wall. she started making comments about everyone having to walk on eggshells around me because i was too sensitive. and i would get defensive. i tried explaining to her that having a father and step mother verbally abuse you for 21 years doesnt help my opinion on adults. she told me i would have to change. and get used to the difference. if anyone has been through what ive been through they know you cannot just turn that off. it started to progressively get worse with her getting drunk and forgetting to pick me up at work so i started to message my husband quickly during slow moments, and next thing i knew she would yell at me for being on my cell phone and then put up memos in the restaurant about no one being on their cell phone. when i would do something wrong at work she would tell me im doing it wrong and instead of explaining how to do it right she would tell me to read the directions. my feet started to swell and get very sore so i had asked for shorter shifts which was no problem but the last straw was the rent situation. the agreement was 400 or whatever we can afford. and now it was 1 50 every two weeks from both of us, so 600 a month. because of my shifts being shortened i tried to ask if there could be a price change but she would not have that. i tried explaining my expenses to her and she told me her son would have to pay the difference. to pay for the renovations they did. i went and told my husband and he said if they dont understand we will just leave. the last thing i want to do is move at 5 months pregnant and having issues with 600 a month. so i started to really stress out about all of this. he went and spoke to his father who had no issues with the money issue, but why the fuss in the first place? that night i could not sleep. i was up puking and stressing all night. so i did not go to work the next day. i decided to go to the doctors and he gave me off work for medical. so i basically quit the job. next thing i know my mother in law got a doctors note saying shes off for a month due to stress as well., but what im not understanding is is this an attention trip shes on? what do i do? i cannot talk to her because i loose my temper because she just cries and doesnt be rational. she makes hurtful comments without knowing it. my poor husband has to deal with this and i just dont know what to do. :( i want to pack up and go live with my grandmother so bad. i dont feel comfortable here at all. i go outside and she will run back inside. or i would go outside and she would say hi and i dont want to talk to her so i wouldnt answer her and she would go get in her car and take off. this uncomfortable feeling is really getting to me. i dont want my baby to be harmed. :(
- 8 years agoFavourite answer
It sounds to me that she is looking for attention. Maybe she isn't used to having another female in the house and it is driving her crazy. (kind of like when you have a girl dog for a while and then you get another girl dog and they don't get along because the first one is kind of like 'i was here first, this is MY house and now MY family is giving YOU attention?) I am five months pregnant and i had to go stay with my fiance's grandma for a little while. She acted the same way. I just thought maybe it was because she lived 4 hours away from her grandson (my fiance) and when he finally came to "visit", he was spending so much time with ME and not HER.
one time she actually came in and turned on all the lights in the room i was sleeping in, saying she was looking for something. at like 8am.there were 2 lamps, but nooo, she needed to let the sunlight in, and have the main light on, AND the lamps, because "shes old and her eyes are bad". when i had been up all night and then got like 4 hours of sleep, to wake up to this, i wasn't very happy. my boyfriend pointed out to her that this was kind of a rude wake up call, and she just said "so what? all she does is sleep all day anyways. she just lays in bed. doesnt have anywhere to be." coincidentally after that i could not go to sleep.
you should try writing out a letter to your in laws (specifically his mother), because some things you just have a hard time saying in person, and you might forget something if you talk in person, and you also can't erase something and start over. tell her how you are feeling that she is trying to get attention and maybe she is feeling a little bit alone because another female is in the house (try to say that as nice as possible! when someone says to a woman that they are looking for attention it almost never ends nicely.) you should tell her everything you said in this post, and explain to her how you are feeling.
Also, you should add in there that you all had already come upon a given rent and now they are changing it when you are five months pregnant, and that isn't really fair or reasonable. And if I were you, I would add something like this in that letter as well.. "I am five months pregnant. Me and my husband can not afford to live in our own place, how do you expect us to do that when the baby is here if you keep taking our money? we should be saving up for our baby so that we can move out of here when my baby is born, because i don't really want to raise a child in my husband's parent's basement. my baby should be able to have his or her own room or at least his or her own living room. a basement is not a great place to raise a child. i feel like we should be saving our money instead of giving it to you for rent, because then how the hell are we going to move out of here? if we didn't have money for our own place, what makes you think we would have money to give you $600 a month AND buy diapers and everything else a baby needs? as parents you should be trying to make this easier on your son and me, not harder, and the emotional things and stress this is causing are very bad. stress can kill my baby."
And it can kill your baby, so watch out! (although it's pretty unlikley, unless you are stresssssed out to the MAX!
and if that doesn't work, maybe just stay in the basement 24/7? i know it's not the ideal choice to have to be cooped up all day but at least you won't have to talk to your mother in law and deal with her crazyness. also you can try reading and being online or watching TV. if you arent around your mother in law then i'm sure you won't be stressed out that much, and maybe she will even notice your absence and think about what caused you to become such a hermit crab, hiding in your little shell! and she might even feel bad. she might even apologize.
And if that doesn't work, try talking to your husband's dad. maybe he can talk to his wife. i'm sure if anyone in the WORLD knows anything about this woman and how she can act, it would be him.
you can email me if you want to :) if you need any more advice or just need a friend to talk to.
i hope my advice helped you.Source(s): 5 months pregnant and i HAAATE my inlaws.
- 8 years ago
Hi Ellicia i understand your upset im currently 24weeks pregnant and have just had stress of my partners family my entire pregnancy. You can either be the adult and ask if you can all speak and say that you feel picked on, its too much money it wasn't the deal and say of course your sensitive your pregnant! She should understand that. If she is not willing to sort things then you and your partner need to find somewhere cheap too rent and say to your mother in law its probably best you leave to not cause anymore upset and it would be appreciated if u can keep your job.. shes not going too see you on the street. Or just hold out for as long as possible and when that baby comes she will be putty in your hands :)
- johannsenLv 44 years ago
With MIL's the delicate process doesnt paintings..speak in your husband first..if that doesnt remedy whatever..and if he is not gonna do whatever approximately the present crisis..take concerns into your possess palms. The direct process. Tell her to her face. Tell it loud. Tell it transparent. Spare not anything. Lay out your playing cards. You bought not anything to lose. If she's (MIL) no longer budging..or she invades your house as soon as once more...deliver her an ultimatum.. Sometimes..adequate should be adequate. Good good fortune