My mom is being so mean and I don't know how to handle it anymore?(long but im desperate please)?

When I was 11 years old my mom pulled me out of school to watch her other daughter, my sister.. I raised my sister while my mom worked, I am 22 years old now and I still watch my sister because my mom in a single mom and doesn't want to pay a babysitter to watch her. I pretty much stopped my whole life to help... show more When I was 11 years old my mom pulled me out of school to watch her other daughter, my sister.. I raised my sister while my mom worked, I am 22 years old now and I still watch my sister because my mom in a single mom and doesn't want to pay a babysitter to watch her. I pretty much stopped my whole life to help my mom. I have nothing going for myself.
My sister also visits her Dad once a year, my mom left her Dad (me and my sis don't have the same Dad) a long time ago when my sister was 1 years old.
My sisters Dad is mentally abusive and when my sister has to visit him she cries and threatens to kill herself so my mom is fighting him in court right now..

My mom is pretty consumed in everything going on with my sister she doesn't even know I exist.. I have become this slave to her and it has made me so depressed and insecure, after she pulled me outta school I never got my high school diploma so when my mom gets really mad she will call me a dumba** because I haven't finished school even though she was the one who pulled me out. She will tell me the only reason she even talks to me is because I am the only one who will babysit for her, she tells me later she was just mad and nothing she says is true but it hurts.
She has lost her mind I think, sometimes out of no where she will lie to me just to hurt me like she will tell me the real reason my sister wants to kill herself is because she has to be around me so much, which isn't true at all I am so nice to my sister I adore her but I am starting to kind of feel like I am a horrible person my mom will say the meanest things just to get to me and then she apologizes later for it but after hearing it so many times I can't help but not to be upset about it. Anything will set her off, even laughing too loud will get her to go off on one of these episodes wheres she says this stuff.

I feel stupid for not finishing school yet, I feel like a loser for being so far behind with my life to help my mom only to have her treat me like this, I have turned to pills now.. I don't want to tell my mom that because I don't want to make her feel guilty but I can't take it anymore. Please what should I do, when my mom puts me down, how can I not take it to heart? I want to get away from her but I know she needs my help and I love her, but I am so self destructive at this point cause I am so insecure I am starting to believe everything she says, I have no one to talk to, I really need some advice.
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