Anonymous asked in Social SciencePsychology · 8 years ago

i have a fear of getting to the bottom of important matters incase i get told bad news , what do you call this?

im mid thirties now, i have a very bad anxiety disorder ive lived with for all my adult life...this particulr fear as developed over the years and grown stronger..

i get fearful of going through the process of getting to the bottom of matters ?

whether its ringing up a utility company to find out about my bills, or how much is owed? incase they shock me with some expected news..

whether its a government letter a fear of opening it incase its some heavy, serious news...or anything unexpected out of the blue ?

whether its phoning up a place like a computer repair shop to enquire about my computer they fixed...ongoing enquiries...incase the repair guy is impatient or short with me.....or tells me some bad news about my computer......things haven't run smoothly.

i keep getting told by a family member ; face your fear your a man, no one can do you nothing....when you find out what it is then you can deal with it....dont be frightened of that..

great words, but at times when i try to do that...panic over what i might here or find out when i investigate something, overwhelms me..

this fear is growing quite a lot i just wanted a simple strategy to face it and combat it, get over the fear. thanks

8 Answers

  • 8 years ago
    Favourite answer

    It is called an avoidant personality. I have it too. You might have developed it as a defense mechanism against a legitimate stressor but now it has turned into a habit. You have to deal with this, or it will continue and cause problems. Those problems in turn will feed your avoidance.

    I found that if I have to deal with something I don't like. I have to stop thinking about it and do it. Find something to distract yourself before you do the thing you don't like. I listen to my favorite music. I alos reward myself after I do the thing--a hot bath or something good to eat. I feel that a big part of the problem is too much time to think about what could go wrong. The funny thing is that when you avoid doing something out of irrational fear, you can end up making an OK situation bad.

    An example. I was having a lot of problems, including money woes. I kept getting letters from the tax agency, but I had no money to pay, so after the first two I dumped the letters into a pile, unopened. Well, to make a long story short, I had applied for a job with the tax agency, and one of the letters from them was an invitation to write a competency test. So my fear based on having no money to pay my debts actually helped ensure that I would not get a job, and therefore not have the money to pay my debts. Actually, I have so little money now, I am paying 90% of my disability income on rent.

    I would suggest that you get a therapist to help you with this, and see if you can find some kind of support group. Don't let your imagination get the better of you, and try to put things in perspective. Just remember: things are rarely, RARELY as bad as we imagine. You also have to believe in your own ability to deal with problems, and realize that you are much stronger than you think.

  • 8 years ago

    The unexpected is gonna happen whether you avoid it or not. There is only one way you can get over it, and its by answering the phone, opening the letter, etc. I think everyone gets nervous about that but its only when they know they did something to csuse it to happen. If you get a letter from the government, what could it possibly be? It could be good news. Phone calls could be good news. You're a pessimist. You think negative. Instead of thinking negative, think positive. You don't seem too worried about posting this and reading our answers, because you have a feeling we might be able to help you. The only thing you can do is open the letters and answer the phone. Who knows what's on the other end? No one does. But we do have ideas, oh this is probably my tax returns, this is probably a letter from my friend, etc. Plus if you avoid things that are bad news, you could get yourself in trouble. Its not the bad news you need to worry about, its how you handle it. If you think the guy is gonna say he can't fix your computer, have a plan in your head for it. Like think, if he says my computer broke, I can always get a new one. You're reading my answer right now. Do you think there's gonna be bad news a few sentences later? Or are you reading it without being worried? Don't second guess yourself, answer honestly. Before you read those questions, what were you thinking? If you weren't thinking negatively, you have nothinf to worry about and go on with your day just like this. Face it head on.

  • 8 years ago

    Okay, i'm 22, and i suffer with something quite similar (although perhaps a little less severe). I find it difficult to deal with the things in life that i percieve as threatening or potentially harmful to my wellbeing.

    Examples include: inability to listen to feedback about performance (be it education, work or sports), difficulty in sharing my concerns about things in case i seem too neurotic, a fear of asking for help with things incase i look like an idiot.

    My main problem however, is my fear of the future. I am at a stage in life where I need a good career, a place of my own and just generally to move forwards in life. The problem is, I have little luck in finding better jobs, despite completing open university corses, NVQs, management training schemes etc. Because of this, I find it difficult to think about the future, as i am scared that i will never move forward in life due to my past experiences, so i have started avoiding the thought completely.

    I know that our problems are slightly different, however, we share some similarities in our fear of negative outcomes and bad news. I think that the only way to get to the bottom of these problems is to charge into them headfirst, expecting a negative outcome. This way, if you get a negative outcome, you will not feel so disapointed. If your problem is much more serious and life affecting than that, then I would suggest therapy of some sort. Good luck pal, I hope that you can sort out your issues.

  • 4 years ago

    Sure - that used to be an actual hoot - I cherished it - in particular with the brief sudden clipped one line ending. ROTFALMFAO. But quite - in case you suppose about it, that is not "unhealthy news." I would really like to grasp that i might be going to heaven - but not so quickly. I've too much unfinished industry down right here that I have to entire first..

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  • Naguru
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    Pl. don't over exert your mind. You should not go very deep in search. It is a kind of fear. Consult a professionally qualified doctor and take treatment.

    Source(s): own
  • 8 years ago

    dont blame you but the crap has to be faced eventually, you put it off - you'll still hear about it eventually or worse, your fear is justified but you have to face it/ deal wth it, thats life

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    It is negative thinking, especially when there is no evidence to support what you believe. This opposite may help:

  • 8 years ago

    sounds like me, scared to see results... get to the bottom of things.. and outcome

    my dreams reflect my behavior too like I never come to the conclusion of my dreams.. somthing chasing me, im running for someone, or a meaningles dream it never finishes, or i never figure out what happend in aspect of results.. hmmm

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