What do you think of my prologue? 10 points?

Please follow this link:

http://www.wattpad.com/5298680-twisted-sovereign#!...

I'd really like some feedback on my writing, as it is my first time writing a proper story in chapter form. Thanks in advance :) 10 points.

Update:

I posted it again due to the lack of response previously, its important to gain as much feedback as possible when writing?

Also, to advertise my wattpad account, which I have just made.

7 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    8 years ago
    Favourite answer

    It's very good. Your descriptions are full of life and help me picture the scene clearly. Your word choice is wonderful and your sentences flow. You might want to run it through Word because I think I saw a few grammatical errors. A few of the names are a little similar (to many names for a prologue really) so you might want to make them start with different letters. Keep in mind that a prologue is not the first chapter, so don't tell too much of the story right away. You gave away too much information about their powers and kingdom too soon. Let the reader discover the story at their own pace. You show a lot of talent and you should keep writing.

    My advice: Don't let anything go until you've edited it through a thousand times. The reader doesn't want to be thrown in right away, but they don't want to start off boring. Never write without refining it. Try not to lose your style while you edit, but polish it to perfection. Keep on writing! I look forward to hearing more.

    Source(s): I am a writer
  • 8 years ago

    Whilst is an old fashioned term. Just use while.

    Also toward the end, you say this is a surprise attack, but all through the story, you talk like they've had a while to prepare, or at least like they knew the possibility existed of an attack.

    I know this is supposed to be a prologue, but it still needs to be a story, not a summary. Us more dialogue, and since this is not modern day earth, more description of the surroundings would be helpful.

  • 8 years ago

    This is good, I've been trying to write like this but am never in a good place to get my story in my head if that makes any sense. Couple of things, you said her eyes met with the babies but then the baby was sleeping intently, also I think you could make the man bursting through the door more dark but that just my opinion. Not an expert by any means. Anyway love it, how can I read more?

  • 8 years ago

    Wow. Soooo descriptive, very beautiful. I like it a lot!!! Yeah deft pursue it more but don't go showing everyone cause that gives other people ideas :( good good job

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  • 8 years ago

    youve posted this before so why again? anyways its good a little overly descriptive but some ppl like that so yea.

  • 8 years ago

    That is really good. I'm thoroughly impressed. Thank you for this experience!

  • 8 years ago

    Sorry, but that is really poor.

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