I have a relationship Problem?
I've been dating this guy on and off for about 3 years. We met in summer 2009 & I found out i was pregnant in November 2009. I didn't know much about his family then, we mostly hung out at my house. When we first met I was about 175 pounds, had a tan blonde hair, and i looked halfway decent. At time of us 1st dating i worked at daycare full time, He worked part time at best buy. I lived at home & had no bills. The money I had went towards us partying, eating out, or clothes. After I found out i was pregnant i was enrolled in school, and i had a part time job asa pharmacy tech. He quit his job in October and didn't work when I found out I was pregnant, I gave him afew chances and then eventually broke up with him. I was due in July so in the end of May we started talking again & dating again. We had a healthy baby boy in July. At the time he worked part time, I was working part time and graduated from school 2 days before the birth of our son. Long short Short when our son was 5 weeks old I took the initiative e to get an apartment. He got a job full time and i got to stay home with our son. This lasted about 6 months. Then i worked full time to support the 3 of us. At this moment our son is almost 2. I just landed a job at a local hospital making half decent money, I pay the rent, electric, car insurance, gas money, for food, diapers and house stuff. I'm always broke. He is supposed to pay court ordered child support but barley makes any payments. He is living with me at the moment. He goes to school Monday-Friday but takes 2 classes a day.. being finished with school at 11am. I work from 8-4ish.. I have to pay for a babysitter all day.. when he's home from school by 12. He doesn't have a vehicle and expects me to pay for his bus ticks and cigarettes. & meanwhile i cant afford anything i want! His family is horrible. His dad is a recovering alcoholic that wants barley anything to do with him.. he comes around on holidays. His mother doesn't drive, has no job, still lives with her mother, and is a drug addict. His brother has been in and out of jail for years and hes only 21. & His grandmother raised him, but at the moment is an alcoholic, and her house ( where my Bf/baby dad) grew up is dirty and gross. I feel bad for him. He never really had holidays, food in the fridge, or a loving family. But I feel like i have 2 children. My BF/Baby dad is LAZY. Hes never done a dish, never vacumed, never dusted, never does laundry... I dont think I love him for the right reasons, I love him b/c i feel bad for him, and I feel like he needs me. I think my son needs his dad in his life, but my BF/BabyDad doesn't do much of anything for him anyways. HELP! anyone's opinion will help! I'm 21, I have my own independence... apartment, car, job, and i raise my son & he's spoiled. Why am I with this guy still!? Is it time to tell him to hit the road!?
I didn't add I'm 21. He's 24. & Since I had my son & over the past 2 years, I gained weight. I went from 175 to about 250. He's constantly telling em I'm fat & lazy, & when i ask him to do things for me, like take the garbage out or to help clean up the baby's toys he calls me an orca whale when he's mad. I'm not writing this for a sob story or pitty party, This is my life, & its a sucky situation. I can't really ask my family's opinion b/c everyone hates him
- Anonymous8 years agoFavourite answer
yeah hun if your not happy and love him for the wrong reasons and you are relizing this i'd definetly let him go , if he wants anything to do with your son then he needs to grow up and pay the full amount instead of half *** , to me as i was reading this it seems your a grown woman with alot of responsibility on your hands and if this guy that you with can't seem to grow up help then yeah girl your probally better off independent , or until you feel the need to get back out in the dating world (:
- RITALv 78 years ago
You do love him without which you could not have slept with him in the first place before getting pregnant and oyu only feel sorry for him after you discovered much about his family, so dont say you love him because you feel sorry for him, that is not what love is, you love someone for whom that person is and nothing else. its nice you decided to have the baby after the way he is behaving and still support your relationship morally , financially and why not spiritually.
You definitely want to be with him because after all his careless attitute you still support him, what you should do is to talk it out with him, make him realise things will not work between the two of you if he is not focused like a man should be, encourage him to look for a good well paid job or any job after his school and also help you in most of the house work like laundry, vacuum cleaning, cooking, and why not babysitting, after all its his son too. you don't need a baby sitter if he is not working, he should do the working while you are still working because you assist him in all his responsibilities as a man. talk it out with him in a calm and gentle manner, his changes will bring joy and happiness to your life again. you have tolerated too much from him, is high time he knows what he is supposed to do. you are still with him because you love him and he is your son's father, only dialogue between the two of you can change him and bring the life you both shared back in the beginning. but if after some time if he doesn't change in one way or the other, then escort him down the road.
if all girls were understanding like you , there will be no break ups or divorces.Source(s): movies
- 8 years ago
The problem you have is that one: you feel bad for him based on his family life but he is a grown man now and alot of us have rough childhoods and things in our past but as adults we get to make choices and we can rise up from where we came from and be better. It is not your job to raise him.
Your 2nd: He is the father of your child. I think sometimes we excuse things from men based on wanting them to be with their kids or to have a make shift family.
It sounds like you have had a rocky past pre baby and it isn't going to improve after baby.
The question you need to ask is Are you in love with him? or are you hanging on to him for the wrong reasons?
You are in an apartment, you have a job, you are providing for yourself and your child and you do the upkeep within the home...with no help from him. So, again why are you with him? It seems like you are already on your own and self sufficient. It sounds like it is time to break away. You dont want to set an example of an unhealthy relationship to your young son. If you continue it he will see it.
Look within and you will know what is right for all involved. It wont be easy either way but do what you feel.
- 8 years ago
its definitely time to tell him to hit the road! You are independent and you can take care of yourself and that baby! you dont need him in your life and your baby does not need a role model like that. You should find yourself someone who will love and help you with your baby and with bills. Dont stand for his laziness or for his family. Don't feel sorry for him. if he wants to do that tell him to go back home! Be strong and stand firm. Hope i helped. :)
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- Bomb DiggityLv 48 years ago
I have four words for you.. Get rid of him!
Clearly he doesn't appreciate a lot of things. One of them being you & your child. The other the gravity of the situation the two of you are in. He's a Father. Or at least he should be, hes clearly not acting like it. Why should you bust your *** all day. Pay all the bills + a baby sitter when he's done class at 11am? How does that make sense? He's getting a free ride man. I'm normally against ultimatums, but since hes the father of your child I think rather then just walking away, you need to give him one.
Tell him he needs to pitch in more by either babysitting your son after he finishes class or getting a freakin part time job. If he doesn't agree to this and follow through with it I'd end it. Tell him he can see his son whenever he wants but you'll no longer support him. Tell him you feel taken advantage of and your sick of it.
If he doesn't change kick him out. Simple as that. Also, don't let him get away with not paying his child support. Your son deserves that money. He is entitled to it. Take him to court again and make sure you get it out of him.
I know this is a tough situation, but its not fair to you or your son. This guy needs to step up and be a man and a father.
- 8 years ago
Tell him he needs to get a job ! If he is in school till 11 he could get at least a part time job from 1 PM or something, or work night time. If not that then he has to take care of your son when you are at work!
He has to do laundry clean the house do everything to help you out!
Give him a month to find a job and everything else if he doesnt show effort kick him to the curb!
- steuckLv 44 years ago
nicely you already know what to do... you basically go with a 2nd appinion huh?.. you reported your self that "i'm head over heels in love" with your bf!! hi.. you in love with the guy you're with. so stay with him of direction.. never take income of what you have.. its continuously extra valuable to maintain what you know you have then to interchange it for a secret field.. in case you know what i mean.. you never now what's going to ensue in case you flow with yet another guy and in case you do you will injury what you have now.. you lovehim stay with him.. your ex weigh down. is basically that.. your EX weigh down ok.. plus he had the nerve to assert he hated you.. thats harsh .. and im specific with a fact like that he certainly doesnt love you extra then the female he's with.. or that ought to never got here out his mouth.. he basically ought to be getting bored to death in his female. and go with to alter.. and thanks to the previous he believes you nonetheless like him... and he thinks you're a definite factor.. so tutor him incorrect and tell him no.. which you dont like him anymore.. and that your in love already with a great guy. reason he ought to be in case you like him.. and this entire time you have had a great pal thats a boy and he concept he ought to be extra then acquaintances.. and has been attempting to mutually as you concept you jsut acquaintances.. so wht you ought to do is confirm to make clean with him which you 2 will purely be acquaintances.. and which you like his friendship and love him as a brother.. and which you will never be extra then acquaintances.. he needs to renowned this so he can flow on and attempt to get a woman which will actualy love him decrease back... even if you tell him this he will nonetheless think of he has a great gamble with you for a mutually as.. yet optimistically he will come to understand presently... goodluck and that i'm hoping all of it works out for you.. dr icebreaker