Told Wife I wanted a paternity test. She freaked out. What do I do?

My wife is pregnant with our first. She is 13 weeks pregnant. I mentioned off hand that I would want a paternity test when the baby was born to verify he/she was mine. She did not take this idea well and said I didn't trust her. I told her that it was basically standard protocol. She has been giving me the silent treatment since I told her. Not sure what to do.

Her reaction is kind of suspicious. I think she has been faithful to me. I wasn't even sure if I really wanted one prior to her melt down over the idea but I am sure now. That said I don't want her to hate me until then. Should I apologize or insist on the test? If I apologize I would just do it later secretly.

Update:

@Tim I'm not planning on getting divorced. I am excited about the baby and starting a family. Why would I want a divorce?

Update 2:

I don't have no concerns. I think she has been faithful. I don't know that she has. There are no blatant red flags but I'm not a 100% sure. If I had no doubts I wouldn't even ask.

26 Answers

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  • 8 years ago
    Best answer

    Look, you are being wise. It is estimated that up to 25% of the children born to married couples are not actually the offspring of the husband.

    Women have been happy to scream about what they want, tell you how you are being mean or abusive or untrusting, unloving and so on when you do not want to go along with their wants, even if their wants offend or hurt you. So, reverse it and tell her that if she loved you and had nothing to be concerned about, this should not be any problem at all. Stand up for yourself. If the wife is mad, let her be. If she stays silent, let her. Men too often back down or give in, when they absolutely should not do so.

    To be honest about it, simply as a matter of protocol, I think that every man should insist upon a paternity test as soon as the child is born.

    By the way. Just read the comments you got from women and then tell me that they are not manipulative, self serving creators. Trust me, I bet at least one of those women who said you are wrong, knows for a fact that she has been passing a kid off to her husband and it is not his. And does she feel guilty about it or feel she is wrong? Of course not. That is just how women are. And when a man wants to stand up for himself and his rights and protect his interests, see how the females fangs and nails come out?

  • ?
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    Someone here has said you can't get a paternity test if you sign the birth certificate - I'll be damned if I know why that's so. Call any family law office and ask. But if I were you I'd apologize with a small arrangement of flowers and do the test secretly later - that is as long as it was legal. My take is that may be true in some states and not true in others. Well meaning people here spout off legal crap they heard from their Uncle Joe who is the floor man at the local high school.

  • A S D
    Lv 4
    8 years ago

    You`re an idiot! First off all she is your wife, and obviously you were sleeping with her non stop so 98% of the chance that baby is yours...now i only say 2% not if you know for a fact that she was sleeping around on you...

    Most husbands and wifes do not ask for paternity tests to their wives..?

    She has every right to be mad and give you a silent treatment - she is pregnant that is your fault, she is going to suffer for the next 9 months - her hormones are going to change and she is going to be sick some mornings and her feet are going to hurt etc.. and this is her first child and she is scared enough, now you come along and create a mess - is this how your mother raised you? to disrespect your wife?

    Also you can kiss your marriage and wife good bye...basically you are saying that i will only support my child if this and you do this...but lets say its not your child...you are or would still legally be responsible if its a step child born into your marriage...again...just leave if you can`t face the facts - leave her and her child alone, she could do better and i`m sure there is another man out there that will love her and her child.

    Its best she raise the baby under her name and you please stay away, cause now you just ruined everything even if things get better....this will always be part of the fight in years to come, and she will always remember what you said...and funny how its your own child and deep down you know it. but now it may be to late...actually you know it is.

    If i were her i`d leave you and sue for child support. after the child is born!

  • Paula
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    I don't know where you live, but if you are married to the baby's mother then you are automatically assumed to be the father. Unless someone else comes forward to claim paternity then you will automatically be on the birth certificate as the baby's father. If you truly think your wife has been unfaithful then you have bigger problems on your hands.

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  • 8 years ago

    You don't trust your wife if you think a paternity test is warranted. It is certainly NOT "basically standard protocol", and shouldn't be.

    If you have no suspicion that she has been unfaithful you ARE in fact telling her that you do think she may have been/is/was cheating by insisting on a test. Of course that is going to make your wife have a melt down. Any faithful wife would feel INSULTED by such a demand, I would and I have never even thought to cheat.

    "If I apologize I would just do it later secretly." so you aren't man enough to own your actions?

    I can see a lot of fault with your attitude towards her and this marriage. Maybe she should be asking YOU to prove your own commitment. I wonder how you far you would/could do that, or if you would feel insulted?

    ***For those who say she should be ok with it because some do that - foist another man's baby on a partner - I would wonder if he'd be ok with getting a sexual disease test every few months because some men do cheat, and she wants that protection, even though she doesn't think he is actually cheating. Oh and full access to all phone/internet/email communications, and all bank details, oh and anything else that MIGHT prove something "just in case"? Just for her peace of mind you understand, not because she's accusing him of anything, you uinderstand. Right?

    Would he/you be happy in a relationship having to PROVE your faithfulness? Because that is what this amounts to.

  • 8 years ago

    maybe you won't have to have a paternity test. maybe you can tell just by seeing the baby that it isn't your's. you know your wife never wanted you in the first place. she just needed the money and place to live while she gets all the BBC she needs

    tell her you will expect paternity testing with every child too

  • g
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    FYI ~ You can't do it secretly - for the most accurate testing, they take samples from all three of you (you, wife and child).

    If you think she has been faithful, why would you insist on paternity testing? I can see where she'd be upset, probably wondering why in the world you would question such a thing. It's not any standard protocol of which I'm aware, other than when paternity is in question.

    This is your wife we're talking about here - someone you chose to spend the rest of your life with. You need to learn how to talk with her, not hand down mandates or pacify her only to do something behind her back later. If you don't, you're in for a world of hurt in years to come.

  • 8 years ago

    OMG....... Her reaction was kind of suspicious? Are you for real? I would have pulled your pants up from behind you.. giving you the biggest wedgy there is as I threw you out the front door and then opened the window and threw out your clothes on the front lawn.. if you ever in "A Marriage" asked me if this was your child. That is saying yes.. you don't trust her and saying you think she is cheating. If that is how you feel about your wife you should not be married at all to her. No way . No how. That is not what marriage is about or means . No one says this to their spouse. Yes.................... you owe her an apology and much more .. you better be prepared to sleep down town if you know what I mean. You need to take her to dinner and buy her flowers and then the above. OMG again. I can't believe you said this to her. Don't ever bring this up again. Its not standard proto call to do unless your dating more then one person and not married. Or divorced and unsure. WOW.. You better tell her you were drinking .Your in the dog house big time.!

  • Wayne
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    Of course she is freaking out You as good as called her a slut and a whore. Where is it standard basic protocol? Mot anyplace I have ever visited. You are sick and I wouldn't blame her for leaving you and giving you your standard protocol when the lawyer asks for child support for the next 18 years.

  • Sue C
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    IF my husband said a thing like that to me prior to me having our child, I too wouldn't be one bit happy about it either! That IS out rite accusing her of cheating on you! I would be VERY hurt to say the least. I NEVER knew of any of my friends being asked that either. Has she given you ANY reason(s) to mistrust her, therefore this is the reason for your request?! It's just NOT the "norm" to be asking such a question of your wife unless your marriage was questionable. You now seem to want one more so than you did when you asked just by her reaction to this request. How can you not expect her to treat you in a loving way after accusing her of cheating on you as you did. I sure wouldn't expect her to be acting the same twds. you as she did prior to this situation happening. It's now up to you if you do or don't want the test as if it's your child, the damage is already done. And, HOW in God's name do you apologize to someone "secretly"?! All I can say is I HOPE this child IS yours, & I do wish you both the best...:)

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