Carl asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 8 years ago

I feel intense loneliness. Am i being immature or what?

I'm a young adult. 21 years of age. Have a graveyard shift job and lost my girlfriend of 5 years.

My parents are separated. I stay with my Mom and my little brother. Sometimes I give a portion of my paycheck to them.

Lately, I can't get over this feeling of not being loved or cared for. I don't know. I honestly miss how my ex REALLY listened to how i feel (although she was violently abusive). My mom seems to be more distant now that I have a new step dad. She just cooks meals in the house and gives me allowance from time to time if i really need money.

Whenever I try to complain on how my job sucks and that I want to quit. All she says is "I feel sorry for you or poor you". Without doing anything about it. She doesn't have to tell me "Son, I will give you money for your needs and wants". Hell no! All i want is for her to at least REALLY FEEL what I'm going through. I don't get enough sleep. I basically feel unappreciated whenever I give my alloted portion to help my mom and brother. All i get is an empty "thank you". Our quality time is basically just talking about senseless things over the dinner table. But sometimes we do eat outside in the mall.

I hate how she gives me this kind of sympathy "the poor you, i feel sorry for you". Sympathy is for dead people. Empathy is what people need.

My girlfriend who I have been in love for 5 years is an abusive violent woman. Ironically, she's the one who knows how to listen to one's need. I feel tempted to contact her and make up with her but I know i'll just be in another dead end relationship.

My father is also basically living away from us.

I feel like i'm in a catch 22.

I do not know if i am being immature because I should "grow up" and become like an adult and start acting like one. I should toughen myself or be emotionally cold as well. I feel so lonely, I cry every time I get scared that no one really loves and cares for me after all despite of my efforts to love and care for them.

I feel so lonely that i just want to sometimes give up on my hopes and dreams and let someone murder me, or kill me unexpectedly. Then I won't have any thoughts of killing myself.

The intense loneliness is driving me crazy and I know you guys would tell me I need professional help. But please, all I need is just someone to love and care for me.

6 Answers

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  • 0
    Lv 6
    8 years ago
    Best answer

    Friend, I understand how you feel. I am deployed. My dad died one month ago and i miss him. My mom passed away a few years back from cancer. My wife is on and off thinking about leaving me and she had an affair during my deployment and told me she loved the other guy. being a Soldier ... I have not had alot of close connections for the last few years.

    I would suggest for you several things that might start to help. Note ... I said START to help. There are few magic pills to cure things.

    FIRST, realize the situation. Understand that your mom is depressed too and that is why she is shutting down emotionally. If you think about how you look to others ... you likely are shutting down too. With understanding comes the beginning of having power over things.

    SECOND, NO MATTER HOW YOU FEEL ... you need to get out and meet people. It is critical. You crave ... need ... want ... personal interaction. You need someone to care. New friends do not automatically care but they are a starting point. Also they are a distraction from what troubles you. Look under "meet up dot com" for activities to look into. Surf the web for a club or a group that might interest you. It sounds silly and I know you wont want to go the first 2-3 times but POWER through it and go anyway! You will feel better, you will meet people. You have to expose yourself (in a good way) to others to make friends.

    THIRD, You need to get out and do something physical. Exercise helps cure depression. It is a scientific fact.

    LASTLY, look for other NON-ABUSIVE people to date. Go on "plentyoffish" or somewhere. Do not look at only sex or only long-term relationships. Look to date. ALSO whatever you do ... put on a good show for them. NEVER talk about being down to a new date. You get the girl if you can make her smile, want to go out again, and have a good time. After a few dates you can let her see your hurt side once she has invested some of herself in you. Few women will date what they see as a social work project up front.

    I hope this helps! if you need someone to talk to send me a note on here.

    Source(s): Personal experience
  • 8 years ago

    She's your mom,she loves you in every single way and she's sorry for you.

    Being a single mom is not easy,I'm sure along the way she felt she has to get a little cold so she cold treat you the best she can and never show you she cries because it's hard being lonely without a husband and treating your kids alone.

    Decide changing,decide you are going to be the one that cares for others,and the one that give them joy and happiness instead of being the receiver,and actually implement it.

    Just give it a go,and tell me if you aren't feeling so so much better.

  • J
    Lv 4
    8 years ago

    When was the last time you had a conversation in person with someone? It's been about 2 weeks for me and this is not unusual in my life these days. Before that it was about 4 months. I don't think you know what loneliness is, no offense. I think you just miss your ex, which is normal.

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    I don't have any answers but I know exactly how you feel. You want to FEEL like part of a family but even though you try you don't feel anything coming back to you.

    I have the exact same problem.

    Lets hope we can both find help because it feels so miserable it's almost unbearable at times.

    Source(s): Me
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  • 8 years ago

    Dude! What gave you the idea you should ask your girlfriend out again?? Just talk to her as a friend!! Discuss your problems and stuff. You need to find a new job then quit your old job if its makin you unhappy. Go out more like seriously start a sport or martial arts! Go to your gym and meet new people! Fuu, i cannot stress how easy it is to make friends by joining clubs beause your a forced to meet and talk to them! Or you can talk to me man if you want my email.

  • 8 years ago

    I know how you feel, sit you're mom down and really talk to her, and ask her why is she being distant and dont worry you'll find that one girl who is made perfectly for you, you just have to wait.

    Source(s): Me
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