LOL...I know exactly what you mean. I don't have any "real family"(blood relatives) and neither does my husband (at least none that we will ever see again) .Our "family" is made up of the people we love and who love us. So, we don't usually have to deal with Holiday drama or issues like this.
But, this year, one of the boys in a band we've been helping out-letting them use our studio, teaching them the sound board, etc.- anyway, he was determined to have us over for the Holidays....Wow. We told him it was not really our comfort zone, hanging with his extended family at a family Christmas party . He so had his heart set on it, though, so we promised to put in an appearance.. He just didn't understand how "normal" people react to us, or that most of his family wouldn't be jazzed about the Gothic Pagan Anarchists at the family Christmas dinner. He thinks we're awesome, which is cool, but he's young and enthusiastic and somehow missed the part where "normal" people don't really want us around O_o.
It was the most uncomfortable dinner Ever. They did *try* to be nice....I guess. But, I don't think they knew How to be nice to us. Every convo we had was awkward as hell, because we just didn't fit into their world view at all. We were uncomfortable, his family was uncomfortable, and after he realized his family Wasn't totally excited to meet the people helping his band out-he was uncomfortable. It was pretty uncomfortable.
I can imagine that it's just as uncomfortable for you, even if it's Your Own family. Probably even more so, since you're "fair game" ,being a part of the family and not a stranger. Uhg! I can only imagine the tone of voice, and snide "compliments" you got! My strategy was just to be nice, even when they were kind of insulting, but also totally honest even if it was awkward to do so. My husbands strategy is to...well, be rude and obnoxious as hell. He's a master of back-handed compliments and blackened humor.
But, I don't know if that would work for you? Don't let it make you mad though. It's not worth it. Their opinions are all based on prejudices or misconceptions-just lies they carry inside and never explore or question-lies to themselves they can't let go of. So, being mad at them for lying to themselves won't do much for you. You'll just be mad your whole life, because there are people like that everywhere, you can't always avoid the haters. You have to decide how your going to deal with the negative people, without Becoming a negative person yourself. Whether it humor, or honesty, or just good comebacks...You need armor against the world. But, not anger. Not hate. That doesn't lead anywhere.
Oh, well...Here I went on and on, made this looong a$$ post and I probably didn't even help at all. I should probably just not even post this, but....Well, I wrote it all so...
Hope you find a happy place, and don't let the haters get to you:) Good luck & Blessed Be.