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Emily C asked in Family & RelationshipsFriends · 9 years ago

My friend told me she was raped, but I don't believe her?

A little over a week ago my friend sent me a message via text telling me she was raped by her ex boyfriend in April. I feel horrible because I'm having the hardest time believing her.

She's always been someone who does things for attention (like cutting herself, saying she has a mental disorder she doesnt have etc) but I really didn't think she'd lie about something this serious.

Apparently he raped her in april but she hasn't shown any signs of trauma. A week after the incident she had gotten a new boyfriend and she had done sexual stuff with him and she was fine (even slightly excited about it). Shes had a few boyfriends since then though. I thought most people that had been raped would be terrified of having sex, being intimate or having a boy brush up against their arm or something. She has a new boyfriend at the moment and she's only told me and him what happened. I don't understand why you would tell your boyfriend of 8 days something like that. I spoke to her at school last week about it and I was surprised by the way she told me what had happened. She was talking about it casually and there were a few contradictions to her story.

I feel like I'm being unreasonable about it because I don't see why anyone would lie about being raped and as her friend I shouldn't doubt her. I would confront her about it but accusing someone of lying about rape is pretty low. I don't know what I should do.

We're both 17 by the way if that means anything.

How should I approach her? Or should I believe her regardless? Im not completely sure how I'm supposed to handle the whole thing.

Update:

I've told her to go see the school counsellor (who she is comfortable around) and she just tells me she doesn't need to because it 'doesn't affect her' and it hasn't affected her when she has had sex after the rape. I've offered to go with her but she refuses. I'm just worried that if I end up dragging her to the counsellor and the police get told, that her ex boyfriend will get in trouble when he hasn't done anything.

And i understand that people react differently after it occurs it's just the way she's acting seems more like she likes the attention rather then wanting to get it off her chest.

13 Answers

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  • 9 years ago
    Favourite answer

    I think you may want to take a step back and evaluate this friendship.

    if you don't believe her how can you give her advice? And you certainly can't repeat this rape story. You are right to question her actions and to question what you should do. BUT to tell you the truth... you don't have to do anything. You made an offer to help her get counseling and she refused. I think you are off the hook.

    Be there if she wants a shoulder to cry on but otherwise drop it...and if you were smart you would distance yourself from this girl too.

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  • 9 years ago

    She doesn't need to show any signs of trauma! She was raped by a guy she knew and now it's just a memory that will stay with her forever. It may not effect her sexually but it did happen. you don't need to talk to her about it, but if it will make you feel better talking to her about it then just talk to her when ever you guys are hanging out. If you don't believe her, then no one else will.

    Source(s): When i was 10 years old my friend told me and another girl that she was raped by her brothers best friend, we were kids so we didn't know what to do. years later in high school she just casually told a group of kids in our class that she was raped and how she finally told her brother.
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  • 9 years ago

    *sigh* (I hate answering this)

    Ok, honestly, from what I read, I don't believe her either. Sadly to say, I HAVE been raped.

    So, yes, everybody acts differently to this kind of situation. Example: they might tell a friend/family member they trust so they dont

    have to live with it in them, they might tell no one, they might tell the police and they might tell the first person they think would help them; it depends. But I know that they would not tell everyone around them! That is something you would NOT like everyone to know!

    (I told no one, afraid of people being ashamed of me) Reason #1 I don't believe her.

    And, no, they don't always shy away from all men. They might go out with someone as long as it doesn't remind them of the rapist, they might take a while to trust guys again but they will, hopefully, go out again, or they might never date again; once again: it depends! But going out with someone a week after it happened? Ha! No!

    (I was raped 6 years ago and still don't trust guys!) THAT is reason #2!

    OK, about the being sexual part: Hell to the no! No way! Nope! There is no way she would let a guy touch her a week after that happened! I nearly scream everytime my best friend touches my shoulder! I just don't see that happening! (My poor BFF got a kick-in-the-balls once cause he scared the crap out of me and I acted on instinct) Thats reason #3 and the most important one!

    How to approach her about it? Well, that kinda up to you BUT if it were me I would tell her to go to the police about it. He could do it to another girl (if he really did do it).

    (I know, I know. Your probally thinking: Why should she go to police about her rape but not you about yours? Well, let's just say that I know my rapist, personally, and see him like 4 times a week. He knows where I live because he lives in the same house. If he ever got out of jail, I KNOW he would kill me. In case you haven't figured it out, my rapist is a family member.)

    Hope I've helped :/

    Source(s): Personal experience...
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  • 9 years ago

    everyone reacts differently

    some women feel they are worthless, and can only be used by men and so embark of self destructive relationships

    so it doesnt necessarily mean if she was raped she would be "off men"

    however, you know her

    if you are having doubts

    speak to her and just tell her that now she is talking about this, to other people, its going to get back to her parents, and the boys parents and its time to talk to someone official about this, and you will support her and go with her

    regardless of what has or has not happened

    she cannot go telling people casually

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  • hejny
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    Hon, you understand those statistics on sexual crimes - how one in each and every 4 would be sexually assulted of their life. those are incorrect. you understand why? using fact human beings do no longer checklist. you may desire to tell somebody approximately this. 2 of my acquaintances have been raped, and you understand what? they desire they might circulate back in time and tell somebody, so as that guy or woman might desire to harm the different ladies or boys. The data is there now, and it probably should not be whilst your chum is waiting. clarify this to her properly, and then head to the faculty counceler (the effective one. there is mostly a propose one and a effective one). She does not even might desire to communicate - you may desire to do it for her, if she wanted you to. purely tell somebody.

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  • 9 years ago

    If you really don't believe her, then don't force yourself to (Truth be told, I don't believe her story either). Ignore her apparent cry for attention (because she's most probably just looking for attention) and wait to see what happens next, because I personally know people who'd do just that so they'd be in the spotlight.

    But if you really want to confront her, then confront her. Ask her the truth, observe her reaction (example: See if she's indignant about your question, or exaggerating) and let her reaction be the final judge if you believe her or not.

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  • 9 years ago

    Hmmm.. it sounds to me that she could be lying but hey that's what i think when you said she didn't show any signs of being raped and got a new boyfriend afterwords i was a little confused.You are absolutely right though

    I think you should approach her as a friend

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  • 9 years ago

    You are right for doubting her. You aren't a moron - which is nice to see on Y! Answers.

    Tell her if she isn't going to the police, then there is nothing to talk about.

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  • Gunasd
    Lv 7
    9 years ago

    Don't bother about such chilly things if you really love her!

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    If she isn't showing any signs of hesitation towards sex then it looks like she's lying. Just walk upto her and say "i'll be your friend and always believe you and be there for you, but if I find out you're lying to me then you're not my friend anymore"

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