Would a guy marry a girl who doesn't want children?
I am good, independent young woman who considers herself to be strong, kind-hearted, and patient. Not to brag at all, but quite a few guys see me as a catch... but the only thing that they don't like is that I don't want any children. So, does that mean I have less of a chance finding love in this world?
Serious answers please, not rude ones. :) I am 18, if that helps. Please, no phrases like "You may change your mind." I know of quite a few women who said exactly what I said at 18 and felt the same as they've gotten much older. I just would like to know if I will ever get to find a really amazing guy who feels the same way as me? I like children, but I know they are not for me.
Some of my friends (both guys and girls) said that most men want children. I am kind of feeling pressured to have kids, even though that's not what I want for me personally one day. I feel like I have to submit to society's standards, if you know what I mean? I honestly feel I won't find a nice guy if I don't at least agree to having one child naturally with him. Most guys say they prefer having their own blood children.
- 8Lv 68 years agoBest answer
Of course if he doesn't want them either. Yes, the majority probably want kids in their future, so that does limit your selection, but what desirable attribute (be it physical or emotional) doesn't?
As for changing your mind, I have found the reason WHY you don't want to have children is the biggest factor in determining if you will at some point change your mind. I have found this to be true in women who say they don't want children at a young age; if you look at babies and don't get that warm and fuzzy feeling now, that probably won't change. It didn't for me or friends/ other childless by choice couples I have known over many years. If you do get those feelings, then at some point, with the right person perhaps, or at some stage in your life, you are going to want to fulfill that desire.
As for feeling pressured by society to have children, a wise person does what they know is right for them. Some of the worst advice you get as a childless by choice female is that if you just have one of your own, you will feel 100% differently about it. As an animal lover, that is about as wise as me telling someone who does not look at dogs or cats and melt to get one. A properly cared for cat or dog is a lot of work and can run into the thousands, so if the joy doesn't outweigh the trouble they are, it would be a tragedy (for the dog and the owner) to take on that responsibility. Unfortunately, dogs/ cats are often given away or worse when the owners fail to take it as a serious responsibility. Those same people actually have children.
At 18, be focusing on your education and enjoying life. You will meet many different people in college and it will shape who you become. Once you know what you want from life, go get it and don't give into pressure on any subject because to be a mom or not, you still need to be strong emotionally and have a clear sense of who you are as a person and be proud of that. Good luck to you.Source(s): Married 20+ years and happily married/ childless by choice and yes, I felt the same as you at 18 and it never changed.
- 8 years ago
Most people are going to want children at a certain time in their life. That is the whole reason why humans as a species stay together for a long period of time (years and years), to raise their children. 18 is pretty young to decide that you don't ever want children, "maybe" you might change your mind after things in your life settle down. Like you said though, society does have a standard to make a family. Guys picture themselves having little boys that are going to play catch with or little girls that they can hold. It might take you a while to find a guy who is "nice"
- rob pLv 48 years ago
Girl after my own heart! My ex wife started wanting kids at 29, she lost her freakin' mind but I did not give in ( so now divorced no kids, thank God). I am admittedly too selfish for kids. I'll give my g/f anything and not selfish on that, but I'm no stroller pusher or diaper changer.
I had a g/f after my divorce who had a 13 year old and that was okay, we jogged together, played pool, threw football etc. That was more like a little bro and that was fine. But a baby, nooo..
I'm answering in example moreso than telling you what to do. I'm 44 and I have still not changed my mind. I love it with just me and whoever g/f I'm with and it's just us having fun. Kids not only slow things down, they disrupt a relationship.
In fact I had an idea for a dating website for people that don't want kids. I was going to call it DINKS.com. Which are initials for Dual Income No Kids. hehe, I still might if I can find some investors.
So in answer, yes there are guys that had rather play, have fun, and pay attention solely to his mate. I know I do.
- 8 years ago
Okay, here's the thing:
You have to find someone who share the same desires as you. There are men out there that do not want children. My best friend and her husband have been married for four years and they both don't desire to have children.
On the other hand, you are only 18. When I was 21, I thought I never wanted to have children. Now that I'm 25 and married, I know that I eventually DO want children. So don't be so sure that you DON'T want children. Things can change in five years.
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- mjmayer188Lv 78 years ago
It's all about finding the right guy. There are guys who feel the same way that you do.
However, at 18 you don't need to make that decision yet. You shouldn't be too worried about finding the right guy yet. Get to know the world a little better before you make a lot of life decisions.
- zoomLv 68 years ago
You can find a guy like yourself, who doesn't want any children either. However, I don't know how you define 'a nice guy' since that (his being nice, according to you) may be a factor in why he does or does not want children.
- geetarman56Lv 78 years ago
There's plenty of guys out there who are career-motivated, seeing having children as a chain around their neck and possibly screwing up chances of promotion/advancement. Lots aren't really interested in actual marriage, but there are plenty who come around to it, if that's what you want. You just need to know where to shop around for them, such as the single's bar scenes, sporting activities, places which cater to corporate up-and-comers.
- Anonymous8 years ago
I never wanted kids either and I had a lot of friends just like me so i do not think you will have a problem finding a man that doesn't want kids!!
do what makes you happy, Not what other people want you to do!!
- Anonymous8 years ago
It is hard to find that 1 good guy who does't want children but not simply because he is an ultra selfish douche. They do exist but a lot of guys who don't want kids often don't want marriage or any form of real committment / responsibility.
- Happy-2Lv 78 years ago
I believe it is probably true that "most" men want children. However, that still leaves a very sizable minority, numbering in the millions, who do not.