Anyone willing to give a reason to hope/live? Losing the fight.?

For the past, what is it now, 8-9 months (though you could take it back further to when I missed something I didn't find out about till later) everything seems to continue to snowball. I keep telling myself it can only go up from here and that I've hit bottom, only for something else to go wrong. And... show more For the past, what is it now, 8-9 months (though you could take it back further to when I missed something I didn't find out about till later) everything seems to continue to snowball. I keep telling myself it can only go up from here and that I've hit bottom, only for something else to go wrong. And I've pretty much given up on signs after they have repeatedly given me hope and then have crushed me over and over again (so yes, that means I have tried to look for the positives in things and some of them were so blatant that it was honestly like, "What are the chances?" But I guess. Extremely. High.). The hardest part? That I keep giving, but nothing seems to come back and it's a very very draining feeling and it's not like I'm looking for something in return [when I do things for people]. So I guess, I feel empty now. For the most part, I feel like I go unnoticed a majority of the time (maybe because I'm half expecting it, I don't really want someone to say, (You know what, little box next to the screen, it should be good that I have a lot of PUNCTUATION!) "You don't go unnoticed because I found this.") There is one thing in my life that I want to complete, but everything that I've been having to deal with takes me away from it (I would love to check out of this reality).
Also, (side note) no matter how much I love to run, etc. emotions attached to it have made it painful at times as well.
I can tell you that I am extremely talented and naturally gifted at what ever I do, but that just doesn't seem to do it for me anymore: with all of that comes more pressure and a ton of potential; sometimes, I wish I didn't have "all the potential" and "abilities people would kill for"- I can pretty much remember anything and everything, which causes me to analyze to death -though math and sciences came easy-, musically gifted, extremely athletic, and a talent for writing.
You can say, "You have all to live for."
But I have been feeling very unfulfilled. I force myself to go out when there is nice weather just because I don't want to waste it and feel like if I don't, I am. And it. Bothers. Me.
People find me easy to talk to and I can get along with just about anyone who is willing to talk, though, that doesn't mean they (emphasis on they) will stay my friend for some reason (and I am an extremely generous person, but cursed with friends who are only friends when there's an interesting story or want something from you). And I love to inspire people if I get the chance, though the chances seem to come few and far in between.
My ability to pretty much remember everything, I think, will be the downfall of me, unfortunately. It's hard because you remember that people say they will do something only to have them not and it then raises the question on whether or not they remember or just don't want to and I am that forgettable(even for the most random of things that I have no use remembering).
For a low point, you know those weird questions, "Would you rather die from a volcano or be frozen?" that kids would ask you when you were young- I've given some thought to it, I choose poison by sleeping pills (maybe that was a bad thing to write down).
If you read this, thank you for your time, it is appreciated and maybe you'll be a revenant (interesting, Yahoo doesn't know this word). On the flip side, I hope this wasn't banal and I apologize for wasting your time.
But, I am struggling and can't deal with it anymore and if anyone has any advice, please, I implore you to write it down. And please don't say that I am having a mid-life crisis, with lack of fulfillment. I'm unhappy and every time I try to make things happen instead of waiting for things to happen, everything just ends up worse, even when I hope for the best. I feel like I am in a dream and I just want to wake up.
(This doesn't have to deal with the question per se but, does anyone else not understand why it's such a tiny box to type this in? (I observe the most random things usually.))
Update: I don't know how this thing works, I mean, if any of you will receive an "update" that I have added somethings to this. To other people who have yet to respond, I ask of you to please respond first then read this and update yours if you choose to. Thank you for those who have answered so far, you have given me a... show more I don't know how this thing works, I mean, if any of you will receive an "update" that I have added somethings to this. To other people who have yet to respond, I ask of you to please respond first then read this and update yours if you choose to.

Thank you for those who have answered so far, you have given me a lot to think about. I don't know how I came across, but, what if I told you I was 18? Would that change any of your responses? I purposefully tried to write it more ambiguously to not give that away because I didn't want age to impact your answer.

The rest of this is more along the lines of answers:
To some of Daniel's questions.
First, I didn't mean to "vaunt" about all my abilities. They were inserted into this to help give you an idea of who I am; if you met me in person, I would never actually say those things to people. Those things are what I have been told because of actions those people have witnessed (like you, but I don't have the ability to do so in this situatio
Update 2: n). I opted not to give direct examples [of my abilities/life] because I felt that would be worse: I was asked to my homecoming, girls choice, and other dances by different girls, one girl even went so far as to stop being my friend (and talking to me) because I didn't pick up on the fact that she liked me and... show more n). I opted not to give direct examples [of my abilities/life] because I felt that would be worse: I was asked to my homecoming, girls choice, and other dances by different girls, one girl even went so far as to stop being my friend (and talking to me) because I didn't pick up on the fact that she liked me and wanted me to ask her to one of the dances (something I didn't mention above for the exact reason). But I digress, other examples could be given and one or two you might be impressed by, but that's not why I have written this out and is why I chose to phrase somethings the way I have. I cannot stop myself from being generous, I feel that would make things worse especially seeing as how doing good things have still given me a lot to deal with. Stealing "the old adage", "No good deed goes unpunished," and that is how I have been feeling as well. And I did not say that I have a perfect eidetic memory either- for that exact reason.
But I will tell you this, a little over a year ago I
Update 3: had a huge shift in thinking; my brain decided to look at things differently, it's kind of hard to explain: it has been breaking things down to the most simplistic forms (if that makes sense); that is the best way I can describe it. It's one of those things you have to experience, I think, to understand what I... show more had a huge shift in thinking; my brain decided to look at things differently, it's kind of hard to explain: it has been breaking things down to the most simplistic forms (if that makes sense); that is the best way I can describe it. It's one of those things you have to experience, I think, to understand what I mean.
I would have liked to have been able to respond to your answer directly, but atlas, Yahoo does not allow that.
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