Abusive relationship or my fault?
Two weeks ago, I brought up to M once more that I thought we should end our relationship. He got angry quickly and grabbed a doll from the top of my china cabinet and threw it down the hall. He did this with four dolls. When I stepped up to him to grab a doll from him, he turned and punched me once on the arm. Afterwards, he said he did it because he thought I was attacking him. We decided to go for a drive to talk and M drove. We drove a short ways from town and I attempted to explain my reasons. After about 20 minutes of driving, talking, and yelling, M swerved off the road and said he would kill us both. He also said that he would kill the other man I had been seeing as well as his two daughters. I was scared so I apologized for what I did and told him I would not leave him.
After that incident, M told me he would never have hurt anybody. He said that I was the love of his life and I was crushing him by doing this.
I am scared to leave him because I don't know what he will do if I bring it up to him again. I also feel torn because it was my own fault that he acted in such a way, and if he had not been provoked, he would not have done it. My mom, dad, and brother all know about the time M left the most noticeable bruises. They encouraged us to seek marital counseling and agreed that, it was my fault for cheating on M. A couple other people know about it as well and I know I have their support in leaving M. But as I said, I am conflicted because I do also feel as though it is all my fault. Also, none of the times he hit me, except for the one big time, seemed like they were that bad compared to other people who have abusive husbands. At this point, I just don't know what to do and would appreciate any advice. Thank you.