Abusive relationship or my fault?

My husband "M" and I have been married for 1 year and 3 months. We have no children. Before we were married, M hit me on two separate occasions. Both times, we were arguing about something and he turned and punched me once on the arm. Both times, neither of us acted like it was anything out of the... show more My husband "M" and I have been married for 1 year and 3 months. We have no children. Before we were married, M hit me on two separate occasions. Both times, we were arguing about something and he turned and punched me once on the arm. Both times, neither of us acted like it was anything out of the ordinary. 3 months ago, I told M that our relationship wasn't where I wanted it anymore (for several reasons) and that I had feelings for another person. He was upset but convinced me to stay with him. A week or so later, M found emails I had sent to the other man, essentially letting M know I was cheating on him. When I got home from work that night, M confronted me and started yelling. He took my phone and threw it across the room. He also threw a plate. Then he turned around and kicked me several times in the side and punched me several times on my shoulder and side. After this incident, I decided to stay with M. He told me he felt very bad about what he did. He said it was my fault because I cheated on him and he loved me so much. M also said that he would be monitoring me closely until he could trust me again. The incident left several noticeable bruises on my arm and shoulder that I had to explain away to many people.
Two weeks ago, I brought up to M once more that I thought we should end our relationship. He got angry quickly and grabbed a doll from the top of my china cabinet and threw it down the hall. He did this with four dolls. When I stepped up to him to grab a doll from him, he turned and punched me once on the arm. Afterwards, he said he did it because he thought I was attacking him. We decided to go for a drive to talk and M drove. We drove a short ways from town and I attempted to explain my reasons. After about 20 minutes of driving, talking, and yelling, M swerved off the road and said he would kill us both. He also said that he would kill the other man I had been seeing as well as his two daughters. I was scared so I apologized for what I did and told him I would not leave him.
After that incident, M told me he would never have hurt anybody. He said that I was the love of his life and I was crushing him by doing this.
I am scared to leave him because I don't know what he will do if I bring it up to him again. I also feel torn because it was my own fault that he acted in such a way, and if he had not been provoked, he would not have done it. My mom, dad, and brother all know about the time M left the most noticeable bruises. They encouraged us to seek marital counseling and agreed that, it was my fault for cheating on M. A couple other people know about it as well and I know I have their support in leaving M. But as I said, I am conflicted because I do also feel as though it is all my fault. Also, none of the times he hit me, except for the one big time, seemed like they were that bad compared to other people who have abusive husbands. At this point, I just don't know what to do and would appreciate any advice. Thank you.
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