Obey and submit are used in the same verses in 1 Peter 3:1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives.
We say things like, "I want to be in God's will", or "abide in the vine", or "seek Jesus". Those are all true and I hope to ever more so say and do those things. Perhaps we can consider in the same way, "obey" and "submit" as opportunity. We may wrestle or have difficulty, but hope and pray that we have confidence and peace in THe Holy Spirit confirming these things to us.
If I can use a little liberty here, I'll use the word "you" for example sake....
I need and have a knowing that I better want to obey and submit to God; to know that this is better. In the way of The Spirit; there are provisions that my wife should know my Spirit as being what God wants; that there's a likeness of Jesus in me. One area where it gets tough is when "Jesus" doesn't match or seem to match the husband; to that it tears us up inside for a woman's spirit to be oppressed; much of what's being oppressed is Jesus and The Holy Spirit. That makes us cry out as to why a person would need to go through this. It's such issues that I don't understand yet what God's workings are; but trust as he enables. In this verse, there's something of a telling to look for light at the end of the tunnel; something of the long reach of God's arm.... Without a word, that the husband may be won by your conduct. I envision that this "conduct" has much to do with the Holy Spirit in you.
...And then there's that little blue icon below that says, "Submit".
There's a passage in Galations 5 that talks about being called to freedom, and that's so much what we should be living in; being set free; living Christ is risen lives. A very detrimental usage of of the word "submit" which has do do with going back into submission of the law after you've been set free from the law.
"To be in agreement" sounds like the tone of what "submit" or "obey" is. What God is seeking for in us is to be like his likeness. There's this logistics thing; the way it is, is that whenever there is any conversation, or whenever there is a project to be done that is discussed, someone is taking the lead; this lead, or "control" may change back & forth, but to say that no one is in charge; just doesn't happen. It can get to where in a group that you may observe that there are many leaders. Those situations where control is some people's aspiration for the sake of control, God really has to do a work in you to have peace and steadfastness.