Is it acceptable for my best friend to date my ex-boyfriend?
Okay, so I'm 15 and recently broke up with this boy I'd been dating for the past year. Lets call him....Geoff. We were really close and he was...well is, my first love. But Geoff changed and turned really mean, we started arguing, then one day we had a massive argument, we just stopped talking completely and the relationship fell apart. I regret everything that happened and part of me just wants to just apologise but I know that he'd never take me back. I always cared a lot more about Geoff than he did about me.
But I went to a party a few nights ago and Geoff was there. One of my best friends was there as well, lets call her Trisha. Basically Trisha and Geoff were all over each other but at the time I wasn't too bothered because they were both completely drunk. I've been thinking about it a lot though and I know this might be really irrational but I think it would genuinely hurt me if they started dating. Trisha had already said that she thought he was "alright looking" a few months back (whilst we were still together!). I mean, Trisha is a little bit sl*tty, but I love her all the same. I don't want to kick up a fuss but at the same time she knows that I still have feelings for this boy. And part of me doesn't want her to get hurt the way I did...especially seeing as he told one of my other friends that he's only doing this to make me jealous (but I don't trust gossip).
What should I do? Is it acceptable that we've only just broken up and one of my closest friends is already considering asking him out? I know it isn't acceptable in movies, etc? :L I was considering talking to Trisha about this but maybe that would just make the situation worse? But I just don't know what to do, any advice please? Am I overreacting to this?
Um, I've always been a girl who's stood by my morals and if the situation were reversed I wouldn't dream of dating a best friends ex actually...but the situation isn't reversed so I find that irrelevant.
Exactly! That's what I thought, GIRL CODE! But I wasn't sure if that was actual real life or just in films? Haha :) And I really don't feel comfortable about it at all, that's my problem :/
And @Love2, Thank You :) I mean we were really serious, we were together for over a year. I geniunely loved him (and please don't tell me that I can't be in love at 15 :D )
It's just a horrible situation :(
- 10 years agoFavourite answer
Girl, you are DEFINITELY not overreacting! If it was your ex making the moves on your friend and she had nothing to do with it, then you may be a tad overdramatic. But if one of your very closest friends is the one doing the flirting, then you have every right in the world to be upset! You need to tell her that you just cannot feel comfortable with her dating him, especially since you still have very real feelings for this guy. There is no way you can stay friends with her if they end up in a relationship; it was always feel strained and awkward and you'll have to deal with her sappy stories about sweet things he said, did, whatever! Besides, this guy likely won't be around forever but your friends will almost always remain your sisters :) Just try to talk it all with her!
- 10 years ago
The answer to "is it acceptable" is different for every situation. In your case, it depends on how you feel about it. It seems as though you feel in your heart that it isn't. If they were to get together, would it cause problems between you and Trisha? I believe that you need to talk to Trisha. Tell her that you understand that she likes him, but also tell her that it would hurt you because you do still have feelings for him. Explain to her that you don't want her to get hurt the same way you did because she's one of your best friends and you care about her. If she smarts off the way some girls do (speaking from experience) and doesn't care whether or not she hurts you or your all's friendship, then she wasn't truly your friend from the beginning. Another thing that I would like to add to this is that you deserve better than the relationship that you were in. You stated that you always cared more about him than he did you. Right now you're still young, you still have many years ahead of you and every girl deserves someone to care for them the same way. I wish you all the luck in this situation and I hope that it all works out for you.
- 5 years ago
If you have an ex to get back, you have several things to get him to come back to you. Read here https://tr.im/q3oea
You might have begged, pleaded, promised to change your ways, and even gone so far as to break up a new relationship he might be having. It’s important to remember at all times how you appear to him. It’s going to be hard to get him back if you look childish or scheming.
Try to think of any behaviors like that you’ve displayed since you broke up, and stop them now. Whatever you’ve been doing obviously isn’t working or you’d be back together already. If you’ve been following him around and showing up everywhere he appears out with friends or on a date, your behavior probably seems more like that of a stalker than someone who loves him. When you have an ex to get back, things you’re doing to convince him to be with you might be the things that are keeping him away.
Next time you end up in the same place together, whether it’s a restaurant or a club, when you walk in and see him, do acknowledge him. But instead of going up to him and demanding his attention as you might have done before, simply say hello and go about your business in another part of the room, or explain that since he’s there, you’ll leave to make him more comfortable. Be nice and polite and simply go. If nothing else, the change in your behavior will get him thinking.
When you have an ex to get back, doing what isn’t expected is important if you’ve been trying unsuccessfully for a while. If you’ve been calling him 10 times a day, or even 3, stop. Call when you really need something, not just to rehash why he should take you back. If you don’t have reason to call, then simply don’t call. After a week or so, give him a call just to say hello and that you were thinking about him. Ask if he’s doing all right, and a few simple questions like that.
If he starts to sound suspicious wanting to know why you really called and acting as if all this niceness is just a prelude to your usual behavior, just assure him you called because you missed him and wanted to check in on him. Then say goodbye and end the call on a good note. When you have an ex to get back, you want him to wonder at the end of such a conversation. He’ll wonder why you didn’t beg or plead as usual, and what’s going on.
If you’re less comfortable with calling for such a thing, mail him a card that simply says you’re thinking about him. It’s important to give him the chance to make a move. When you have an ex to get back, you can’t smother him with attention and affection but instead let him come after you.
- ?Lv 610 years ago
Jealously comes from a heart that hasn't let go. If you truly are over a guy, you wouldn't care one bit. But if you still have feelings, that awful aching feeling, you still have feelings for the man.
Otherwise let your friend date who she wants. He's not yours anymore. You deserve a nice guy who won't treat you badly, right? So let your friend find out how nutty this guy is. Otherwise YOU would still be with him.
Oh yeah, it's called Life. Class 101. We all have been there sweetheart. Don't worry, your prince will come along. Still be a sweetheart and he will see what he is missing with you---a lot!!!!Source(s): Been there, done it.
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- Anonymous5 years ago
Want to know how to get your ex back? Change yourself. Don't worry about changing other people, worry about changing yourself. Go to https://tr.im/C4dEa
Once you do that then you can start to worry about getting back together with your ex, other wise you will find that you are fighting about all the same things and getting no where. Do what it takes and I promise things will work out in your favor.
The funny thing is I came to the realization that I had to change a little too late. After I was kicked out and after I was about to lose the only things that truly mattered to me - her love. A funny thing happens when we truly love someone and lose them. We do what ever it takes to get them back. For me I had to drop bad habits that had caused not only our relationship to sour but practically every other relationship I had had in the past. Not only with women, but with friends, co-workers, family, you name it.
Which is why I say to you as my ex at the time said to me, the only thing you can do is change yourself. Work on yourself and improve on the person that you already are. Drop the negative things in your life that don't belong there and you will see all of your relationships start to take off to new heights.
- Anonymous10 years ago
Let me get this straight. She knows you still have feelings for him and shes still going after him? Red Flag. Shes slutty? Another red flag. Shes your closet friend? Honestly if she really cared about how you felt about this whole thing. She wouldn't even think about trying to get with Geoff. Has she done this before to you? If so, she is not your true friend. Or doesn't know about the "girl code".Source(s): Experience
- 10 years ago
shame on this geoff guy makes all "geoffs" look bad. Aha srry it feels like im talking bad about myself my name is geoff xD
Anyways yeh i agree isnt their a girl code? Especially since shes your best friend?
I dont think its really right for her to be dating him if you still have feelings.
Youre not overreacting. I think youd be hurt if she started dating him.
- 10 years ago
In teenage girl land, they think thats the worse thing you can do to a friend.
umm no its not. my old best friends would date my exes, id date theirs (back in high school), no one cared.
It didnt work out for a reason, be happy if your ex is happy with someone else.
- smaleryLv 410 years ago
I personally think it is outta line. You deff need to discuss your feelings with your friend. There's no way possible of preventing it 100% so u may just find out who your true friends are.
- Anonymous10 years ago
you are not over reacting, yes he's fair game, but you never get with your best friends ex. Thats it. Girl code dude. I'd kick her ***. lol. jk. Don't do that, but to answer your ? nope. I think your reacting quite calm to be honest. but if she is slutty, then she won't be hurt, she won't care, and she'll go on to the next. simple as that. :) good luck.Source(s): Relationship expert.