would i be judged for making the right choice in giving my daughter up for adoption?

i have a lot of personal problems in my life that i don't want to bring my daughter into. i think it is best for my daughters sake for her to be raised in a loving and caring home, more than what i can give her. although i would give her the world, im the position i am in with legal matters and ex related problems, i just don't think the life i could give her would be best to give her. i think giving her to a loving and caring couple who has always dreamed to have a family but is unable to have a child would be a great gift. i know that it would tare me up inside knowing i gave her away but i would also be at ease knowing my daughter had a life and a future a head of her. is it wrong to want only the best for my daughter?


thank you to all your responses. i do only want the best for her, and i only dream that she will be well taken care of :) she deserves a great life. i appreciate the help in making my decision. its going to be hard but i know it is whats best for her. thank you so much. :)

13 Answers

  • 7rin
    Lv 5
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer


    Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Considering Adoption

    @ http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/wish.h...

    What you should KNOW if you're considering adoption for your baby

    @ http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index.php?id=1

    Considering adoption? Don't feel you have any other options?

    @ http://www.keepyourbaby.com/

    Myths told the unmarried mother

    @ http://gift-not-choice.tripod.com/myths-about-asfa...

    Adoption Truth

    @ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOZGwqHVnKs

    Youtube thumbnail

    Unplanned Pregnancy without Crisis

    @ http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm

    Open adoption is almost never legally enforceable, and many parents have lost access to their children due to broken "open" adoption promises.

    @ www.mercianeclectics.dsl.pipex.com/adoption/OpenAdoptionWall.htm

    @ www.bringperihome.com/

    @ http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=201007...

    @ http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=201008...

    Quotes taken from Nancy Verrier's book, Coming Home to Self

    @ http://www.nancyverrier.com/self_book.php

    For the adoptee every day is a challenge of trying to figure out how to be, although he probably doesn't understand the difficulty this presents for him. It has been true his whole life and, therefore, feels normal. However, it takes a great deal of energy and concentration. And it never feels quite right. He never quite fits. Therefore he feels as if /he/ is never quite right.

    (pg 50)

    Abandonment and neglect are reported to be the two most devastating experiences that children endure - even more devastating then sexual or physical abuse. That's why some neglected children do naughty things to get attention. Even though the attention is hurtful - being yelled at, hit, or otherwise harmed - it is better than neglect. /Anything/ is better than abandonment. Abandonment is a child's greatest fear. For adoptees, it is also reality, embedded in their implicit and unintegrated memory.

    (pg 102)

    It is sometimes difficult to spot grief in children. After all, it isn't as if the child sits in a puddle of tears his entire childhood. As one adoptee said, "Of course I played, laughed, sang. Do people think that if you're not sitting in a corner with your head on your knees, you are not sad? I had happy times, but the sadness was always there, even when I was having fun."

    (pg 117)

    _____Links supporting families to stay together_____

    Single Mom @ www.singlemom.com/

    Mentor Moms/MOPS/Teen MOPS (support!) @ www.mops.org/

    Angel Food (food assistance) @ www.angelfoodministries.com/

    Feeding America (food assistance) @ www.feedingamerica.org/

    Co-Abode (housing assistance) @ www.coabode.com/

    Safe Families (for emergency/crisis care) @ www.safe-families.org/

    Teens @ www.teenbreaks.com/pregnancy/pregnancyhome.cfm

    Adoption Crossroads® and Adoption Healing @ www.adoptioncrossroads.org

    Adopted Child Syndrome @ www.amfor.net/acs

    Origins-USA @ www.origins-usa.org

    United Family Services @ www.unitedfamilyservices.org/

    Family Assistance Foundation @ www.familyassistancefoundation.com/

    Safelink Wireless @ www.safelinkwireless.com/

    Finally, I suggest you take notice of the fact that adoption does NOT "save" kids: http://lubbockonline.com/crime-and-courts/2010-12-...

    Good luck!

    Source(s): Personally, I'd rather've been aborted - at least then the lifetime of agony would've been over in minutes/hours/days, instead of the decades that I've been suffering for now. Abandoned early 1973. Reunited late 2009.
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  • 9 years ago

    Don't choose your personal problems over your flesh and blood. Work your stuff out and learn how to parent. it won't matter if you can't provide ponies and private tutors, your baby wants you and only you.

    What makes you think that infertile couples are going to be so loving and caring? Adoptive families also have divorce, alcoholism, abuse. Unresolved grief from not having bio children can place a huge burden upon the new baby entering the family. An baby placed for adoption will come to adopters with loss and grief few can understand. If you abandon your baby to grow up with strangers your baby will scream and cry trying to connect with you - because babies expect the mom who grew them in the womb. The crying drives some adoptive parents into an abusive rage and some will simply develop PADS.

    This baby is not a gift for you to give. While the bible may say children are a gift from god - YOU are the intended recipient of this blessing. The gift is yours. Please accept your child and take this as an opportunity to better yourself you are being a gift for this little human loves you and want you to be his/her mother. Stand up and do this. Yes you may face challenges, but together you can make it.

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  • 9 years ago

    The best choice for your daughter is to be raised by you. Adoption is a forever decision for your temporary situation. Adoption has a profound effect on children no matter how good or bad their liffe is.

    My son had the 'perfect' adoption - he is loved, has had a good life, whatever he's wanted he's got to the point of being spoilt rotten. He hates being adopted and even more so since hefound out I wanted to raise him but was coerced into surrendering.

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  • 9 years ago

    This is a question that you need to decide on your own. This is your daughter. No one is going to be able to answer this question for you. You need to get your priorities strait, and decided what is best for your daughter. You just remember if you give your daughter up you will probably never see her again, and you could be giving up the best thing that ever happened to you.

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  • Sally
    Lv 4
    9 years ago

    Please talk it over with someone you trust a child is a lifetime commitment. You don't have to tell people you gave your child up for adopt or, you need to do what is best for the situation you are in. what about the childs father, could a relitive step up and take care of her until you have things worked out. don't let the strangers here on this website tell you how to handle your life. good luck

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  • K
    Lv 5
    9 years ago

    Yes, unfortunately you will be judged. That does NOT make you wrong. If you feel adoption is the best choice for you and your child, do your research and proceed. You can often meet the parent(s) you choose for your child before birth, and have an open/semi-open adoption if you wanted to.

    You are making a selfless and loving choice. Make sure to take care of yourself as well as the baby. Get counseling and support. All the best to you.

    Source(s): Mother of 3 through adoption.
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  • 9 years ago

    You will be judged no matter what you do.

    Your child is not a gift.

    Your child is a part of you, your flesh and blood.

    Your current situation is only temporary.

    Make the initiative to clean up your current life to move on with your daughter.

    The guilt, pain and loss of your daughter will overcome you and not be healthy for her, you and your future family.

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  • 9 years ago

    no one should be judged for making a personal choice that they felt was the right thing to do. it is not wrong to want the best for your child and if you know that you cannot provide what she needs to give her the chance at a good life with adoptive parents.

    sometimes the hardest thing to do is let go of the things we love the most so that they can have a chance at life.

    you can even have an open adoption where if she wants to know you she can. that way she will know why you have her up and that it was because you loved her.

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Its a huge deal to give up your baby, so make sure you're ready for that... but its also the most amazing gift you can give a couple who can't have kids. It will take strength but I commend you for considering it, and I know you'll make some childless couple out there cry with happiness when you pick them.

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Of course it is not wrong to want to give your children the best life possible. If you feel adoption is the best for her then that's what you have to do. You can't feel bad for wanting the best for your baby

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