How do I learn to accept my girlfriend's past and flaws?
First off, very soon, my girlfriend and I will have been together for a year. Let's just say it hasn't been one of the best years of either one of our lives. She has just become a senior in high school and I've just become a sophomore in college.
Before she met me, she only had one other real boyfriend. He had a lot of friends he flirted with who were girls that text his phone all the time and he sometimes ignored her. She lost her virginity to him instead of waiting to see how things would turn out. I don't think know if he used her for sex, but he did leave her after about 4 months of a pseudo-relationship.
Fast-forward to May 2010. After I graduated high school, she proposed that she become my girlfriend. At the time I knew nothing of her past. If I would have, I would have rejected because of everything I've had to deal with. Instead I accepted her. We dated for a couple of weeks, but then she started to tell me about her past and everything that it entailed. When she'd come over my house, she'd pressure me to have sex until I finally gave in, I know, STUPID mistake. I gave her my virginity and I got nothing because she'd already given it to someone who didn't deserve it.
Over the following months, more and more of her real personality started to shine through. She was VERY insecure and wanted me to make all sorts of promises before we were ever really involved. Most of my friends at the time were girls. But they were only friends and the girls knew that themselves. We never flirted or anything of the sort. When she [my girlfriend] found this out, she started to worry all the time that I would leave her for one of them. What she didn't know is that this behavior made me want to. She was always texting me and not giving me an adequate amount of space, wanting to see me every second of every day. As this happened, the things that attracted me to her slowly faded and the only thing left was that I'd finally found someone that loved me for me.
As the months kept on, I harshly rejected her behavior and would sometimes yell at her to stop being the way she is. I was a true jerkass and I didn't want to be, but I didn't find any other way to do it, talking didn't help. I could talk to her all day long, but you can't change someone that doesn't want to change. And I was NOT going to stand for that behavior. She started to look unattractive, I started to notice that she's on the chubby side and that she won't be able to keep up with me due to her chronic migraines. (I'm sometimes hyper...) The migraines make her hair thin and her body weak, so she can't exercise too heavily. To me, that doesn't make a very good fit. She doesn't have many girls who are friends because she doesn't trust girls because of her past so she has no one else to hang out with and she always tells me how she doesn't like her school (I graduated from the same school, I complained less) and she doesn't like SO many people! It starts to seem at times like she's a really hateful person. She probably gets this from her abusive mother who pays more attention to her little sister than she does her. She had hearing problems when she was younger, so she's extremely shy because she thinks people notice the way she talks (they don't, I asked all my friends and not one of them noticed) and she doesn't have many old friends because she's so shy for no reason. I try to be an achiever, but all she wants is me. She can cook, but that's all she wants to be. I wish she'd push to be the best cook in the world or something instead of just trying to be the best girlfriend for me. She isn't a very good learner at all. One may say she's kind of slow when it comes to intellect, while people tell me, I'm naturally bright. We just don't match up. She told me she always wanted to get engaged while in high school. I told her how stupid that was. (Yeah, I was harsh.) She gave up on that dream for me.
My college is about 30 minutes away from her house. She always used to worry that some college girls may be better than her and that they would try to take me away. No girl has ever thought of me like she does and I've told her that numerous times, but it's like she forgets that all the time. Not only that, but boys come up and try to hit on her at school and even out of school. Even a 23 year old tried to flirt with her. I almost wish she would have left me on the spot for someone that accepts how she looks and doesn't try to change her, but she won't leave or let me leave for that matter.
After quite a few of near-breakup situations, she finally explained to me that she wanted to change, I told her that I couldn't accept those asp
She doesn't like having to wait just two years to get an apartment with me. Little things get to her, like if I were to change my Facebook picture from us to something else, she would tell me that she sees that I changed it. That's not fair considering that if she did the same, I wouldn't bother her about it.
She still really wants to get engaged. She doesn't bring it up because she knows it's not gonna happen until I can see if we are good with living wi
Many of you girls are correct, but I can't help what I view as attractive. She IS NOT fat by any means, but she's chubby.
If you guys could at least give me some sort of advice on how to ignore all that. I just want to love her like she loves me. Yes, I've been a jackass to her, but I haven't ever been that way to anyone else.
I don't mind other girls not paying attention to me or that I wouldn't get another girl, but I at least want her to be happy. It's not like I'm forcing her to stay with me.