Should I call CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES?

My son(12) has a friend from school that came over to our house for the first time ever last week. I didn't know who he was, but my oldest(15) son came to me and told me that if it's the same kid he was thinking of, then he smells horrible. Turns out, it was. I have never in my life smelled a human that smelled so bad in my life than this kid. I was so put off that I (not rudely) had him go ahead and call his mom to come get him as soon as they were done with their project they were working on. His teeth are all broken off in the front and I think part of the smell is coming from his mouth. Like ever tooth in his head are rotten. I had to back away from him while he was talking. My son met him last year and said he stank then too. My son also told me that he wears the same dirty clothes to school everyday. He's not sure that he bathes or gets clothes washed. My children said that when this child gets on the bus, he covers himself up with coats and sleeps..they can smell him several seats back. When his mother came and picked him up, I was tempted to say something to her, but I was angry when I saw her well dressed and clean looking. It would have turned ugly. Plus, that would have really been awkward. I asked another friend who has a child the same age and class if she knew of this child and his parents. She said yes and agreed that maybe I should contact someone. The school they attend wouldn't do anything, they could care less about any student...so, I have been considering calling DFACS on them. I don't want to be "that" person, but I am legitimately concerned. His mother ought to be ashamed. The house they live in looks very un-kept from the outside, but who really knows what's going on...What would you do?

Update:

Add: I really don't want to approach the mother and I want to do so anonymously as to not cause trouble for my children if they knew it was their mother who called. I'm kinda thinking they may know it's me anyway, because I'm not sure how many friends this kid has and actually has went to their house. It's bad. I mean really bad. It's pretty obvious that this child's dental care hasn't been applied whatsoever! I don't know 100% on the rest, but wow.

Update 2:

Another ADD: I forgot to add this...my son who goes to school with him, says he wears the same clothes this year as last year. That's not really the concern, because my son has shirts that still fit and he may wear those also, but what does concern me is that it looks like his dad's hand-me-downs that are 10 sizes too big and cut to hell.

Update 3:

I live in a rural area. But, the school they attend would do nothing. We just had a 12 year old friend of my son commit suicide last month for being bullied at school and they did nothing. And they deny any bullying was ever going on....so..that ought to say something about the school.

Update 4:

AND....he's not a teenager. He was 10-11 when my son met him and is now 12. NEVER would my son have his way and not bathe walking around like that..NO WAY!

Update 5:

From my understanding...dad is in the home too. And they both drive newer vehicles. This child's teeth are literally broken off in the front and in serious need of attention. The child is aware that he smells. He has told my son about other kids picking on him because of how he smells. When he was here, it didn't smell like B.O...it smelled like something dead. All I can assume is that it is his teeth. His mother was very well dressed and drives a new car. I am a single mother of two and clean houses for a living and drive an old car, BUT my children are always clean and have new clothes and dental care! THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR THIS! I go without buying myself clothes and make sure they are taken care of....no matter what.

Update 6:

Thanks Dave J. That makes me feel a whole lot better about going ahead and reporting it. I have driven by his home so many times before knowing he lived there and thought, how pitiful the house looks. There is trash and junk piled up all on the outside in the front and back yard. I am thinking maybe this might be a case of hoarders. I don't know, but that would make sense. My son befriended him regardless of how he is taken care of and thinks he's really cool, but he knows how much he's made fun of and tells me it's hard to stay being his friend because of how he smells. My son doesn't want to hurt his feelings and say anything to him. I really do think I am going to take action. I feel for this kid. And his parents should have to answer for this. I'm sorry, but there is no excuse in this world he should be in the shape he's in.

17 Answers

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  • Dave J
    Lv 6
    9 years ago
    Best answer

    There are three clearly defined degrees of minors in our country, in all states. Firstly is

    any person below the age of twenty-one IS a minor. Secondly is a juvenile minor, which

    is a person who has not yet attained age seventeen. Thirdly is an infantile minor,

    which is a child that is from birth through age eleven.

    Also, in all states a parent is responsible for their minor children unless they have

    been declared to be an emancipated minor. Examples of an emancipated minor

    would be that the minor is on active duty with the military, or a minor that has

    lawfully married, has one, or more children, who resides with the spouse,

    and their minor child in their own abode. In some states this declaration of being

    an emancipated minor must be done through the court system.

    This brings us to the issue of which you are questioning.

    No parent has the right to allow their minor child to violate any of the

    laws or they are violating laws within this country, including those of the

    health of a child, which, in most states is the direct purview of a Children

    and Family Services department to investigate, and enforce. Every

    citizen has the obligation to question such violations by reporting it to

    the proper agency. Your thinking on this is exactly right, and proper.

    For any person to think of talking to the parent after what you have

    seen, and been told is the absolute wrong approach. It can even

    be a dangerous approach. Some people just think they can handle

    it, but in reality very few are really able to handle the mess they can

    cause this way. Most who think they can handle things in a contact

    with the parent are untrained to do so, and totally inept at such.

    Their intentions may be very good, but their thought process is

    flawed.

    You have explained enough of what you have seen, and been told

    to be an excellent foundation for an investigation. Any parent who

    has neglected their child to such a degree while themselves being

    well kept, and appearing is most likely either directly violating the

    law, or is a parent who has a child that is beyond their control. This

    is a cause for court action for a Minor Otherwise in Need of

    Supervision - Beyond Control of the Parent. Since the parent is

    responsible for the child, they are automatically guilty to either

    allow the child to get to this bad of condition, or to not seek the

    proper help from the proper authorities.

    As I see it in my experience, you have no real choice other than

    to contact the DCFS of your state. You ARE a responsible parent

    who recognizes those who are not. You must act on this.

    (You already should remember my qualifications.)

  • 9 years ago

    I agree children first BUT pleeeeezze I'm begging you, DO NOT CALL CPS!!!! Yes this kid needs help. If you truly feel for him, be that help. Putting him in a foster home will not help him. Try getting to know him. Talk to him. Find out why this is happening. Be an advcate, not a bigger problem. If you didn't want to do something would you want a stranger telling you, you had to do it. I knw this is kinda all over the place but CPS is not the solution. I know being a sngle mom is rough, but I like the other ideas of getting him the new stuff.

    If his teeth are as bad as you say it may be a lost cause though.

  • Jodie
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    I would definitely call the police and child protective services. If might be to late for her to have a better childhood but you can help her have a better teenage life. If that was your child you would not want her to do that stuff. I think mothers like that should be made to have their tubes tied so that they can't corrupt other children. I would hurry and call before it gets worse.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    That child needs someone to look out for him. Call child protective services. Personally, I would have the kid over again and just happen to have extra clothes that for him. They could be clothes your son doesn't wear anymore or clothes that you secretly picked up at the store. Tell him that you are going to "donate them", but if he wants any, he can pick some out before you give them away. That way he won't feel like a charity case. If you have a sleepover, offer up your shower, and give the kid a new toothbrush to use along with a travel sized mouthwash that he can keep if he wants. OR you will put his name on it so he can use it at your place. My heart goes out to this child. He needs someone to show him a little compassion.

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  • vs2008
    Lv 5
    9 years ago

    Good job being a responsible citizen and mom.

    There is still a possibility that the kid is refusing to bathe or clean up. You can offer it to him to use or bathroom or ask your son to ask him if he has dental care. If you talk to his mother, she may tell you what is going on. If she does not respond, you can call the CPS.

    And where is dad, moms do not have to get all the blame?

    Source(s): mom
  • 9 years ago

    Personally, I wouldn't call child protective services, I think you are going a bit far! If he was getting physically or emtionally abused it would be a different story. Approach this situation in the right way. His parents may not be able to afford to bring him to the dentist, they may be unaware of medicaid. Talk to his mother or if you truly care, buy him some hygeine products, a few nice outfits and get him an application for medicaid to be able to go to the doctor.

  • 9 years ago

    some teenage boys are very smelly and choose not to bathe. Perhaps he is one of them? I wouldn't automatically jump on the phone and call CPS. If you are really concerned offer the boy some clean clothes and a toothbrush (or have your son do it) maybe it will embarrass him enough to clean up. Or just have your son talk to him and find out the real situation.

  • 9 years ago

    I think you should talk to his mother first. There might be something going on behind the scenes and he might just refuse to shower. You can suggest that he take a shower at your house and borrow your sons clothing. tell your son to talk to the boy as well. Give it about a week and if nothing changes, call

  • 9 years ago

    Yes, I would. ---and if there is no change, I would offer the use of your shower, soap and shampoo. It will really depend on where you live. I live in a rural area and have seen parents told either clean (and I mean the house and the kids) or lose your kids. If you live in a bigger city, they may not have the time or resources.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    First I would talk to the mother and see if things improve.

    You could contact the school nurse .

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