What do you think of this piece of writing?

I did this in a few minutes but a lot of it was already in my head it was just getting it on paper. It's not going to be really great because I haven't had days to plan it out. It's basically my thoughts about an experience of mine so it's not really a story but the way I've written it I'd like to know what other people think.

Now, I don’t know much. I’m not an expert on anything. I can’t tell you every single winner of the Olympics for the last 20 years in consecutive order; I can’t speak Dutch or recite the periodic table by heart. What I do know though is that I shouldn’t be alive. It’s not that I don’t deserve to be alive or I don’t want to be alive but if you count the odds of what happened to me I should never have survived much past one year old. I should be in heaven or wherever waiting for the Earth to need my spirit again, waiting to be attached to some mapped out life here on Earth. Certainly, I shouldn’t be here. When I was one year old I had an Epileptic seizure, the exact cause of my Epilepsy is still one of those great mysteries in our family. I stopped breathing and my heart stopped for about three minutes. Now in my infinite curiosity I have looked the odds of surviving something like that up. One in 100 million or so if I so happen to remember correctly. I like to think of my survival in one of two ways depending on my mood at the time. Either I am very lucky, am here for a reason and must be destined to do something worthwhile in my life or I am an entirely unlucky human being and am destined to die young so I’d better do something with my life quick smart. Whichever it is the thing is, I’m here now. For better or for worse.

What do you think?

9 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    it is a masterpiece, it shows effort and compassion and love you have put into this piece of writing. It shows the point of this story really effectively, i loved the atmosphere you have created in your piece of writing and the storyline is a one i had always wanted to write about but felt too scared about. YOU ARE A GREAT WRITER

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  • 9 years ago

    It definitely has strong voice! I like it. There's a certain flair that speaks loud. I might suggest, though, that you take out some words, such as: 'though', and 'is' and 'that'. In the beginning, I can see you used those words a lot, and it brings down the piece a little. The more you read, the better and stronger it gets. GREAT start, though.

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    It seems like the writer was trying too hard to reach out to the readers. It's the typical summary you would find on the back of a teenage girls' book in 2011. It's okay- nothing special here.

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  • 3 years ago

    usually i could skim some thing like this and say "i don't get it" because of the fact it verges previous what my 20% examining comprehension fee can interpret, yet some thing in it captivated me (it wasn't the 1st 2 lines which i got here across slightly susceptible.) I examine and that i strengthen into reminded of myself sitting on the Boston Esplanade on a chilly October night attempting to verify how lots alcohol could freeze me to death in the night. Drunken math isn't considered one of my sturdy factors of course. although I and death are much less *er-* "intimate" we do have a unusual variety of fellow tourist high quality, and that i've got been given a kick out of the line whilst death says "i desire extra." additionally the shift from death because of the fact the reader to death as "he" jogged my memory of Tolstoy. This strengthen into an amazing poem and worth examining two times out loud. Oh and beware for those fortunate charms, why do you think of leprechauns desire shillelaghs (strolling sticks)? those yellow moons and green clover are homicide on the gadget of slightly individual.

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  • This is a fine piece of writing - it had me reading to the end. Whatever you plan to do with it, you do have potential as a writer.

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  • 9 years ago

    It's awesome! Nothing I'd change. My mum had epilepsy & passed from it. It made me sad reading this but it is very good :)

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  • 9 years ago

    sentences a little run on. great for a diary, not good for a book, ok for a short paper.

    needs focus, no paragraph structure

    Source(s): some college lots of reading
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  • No.

    But im sorry that happened to you. You do deserve to be alive, everyone does!

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  • 9 years ago

    It's ok. But the story is interesting.

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