Stayed home from school today because teacher is abusive? (this is long but im desperate)?
i have the biggest phobia of water. im terrified to stand in 4 feet of water without being by the edge. i cant switch out of the class anymore but basically...
here's what happened.
she had the whole class jump into seven feet of water. i was, obviously, terrified to do that and said "i beg you please don't make me do this. i beg you." i said "i beg you" at least fifty times. i literally almost cried and she pulls me toward the pool but i fight back. she's like "you're not leaving until you do this. i dont care if youre late to your next class."
suddenly the bell rang and it was time to go to the next class and it was just me and her left on the pool deck. first of all my next class was math, second of all, we're both verbally and physically arguing with each other.
then she told me that she'll bring her entire sixth hour in and they'll all watch me and "cheer me on" just to humiliate me.
she was grabbing me and pulling me and i was fighting her. she was verbally threatening me.
i, crazy as i am, really love this teacher and do not want her to be fired. although lately she's been givin me attitude.
That's where I was two weeks ago. The week after that, things were fine. This week, again, downhill. So basically, she is very rude to me every day and tells me mentally hurtful things. She calls my dad like once a week. My dad sounds like the nicest person on the phone with her but what she doesn't know is that my dad is an abusive liar. She basically doesn't know what's really going on and everytime I try to tell her something about my dad and try to get help she tells me I'm manipulating her.
Anyways, today, she told me "you're so afraid. even my two year old niece can freakin swim and you cant." and then she told me "this is not normal. my next step is to refer you to a specialist because this is not normal. something isn't right. something is wrong."
And then after school I went up to her to talk to her, and there's another teacher in her office too. (two gym teachers share one office) So I start talking to her and then they both look at each other and start laughing and I'M RIGHT THERE. So I just walked away crying.
I can't explain every detail just because I'm too tired. LOTS HAS HAPPENED more than i posted i just have no energy. OH AND ONE MORE THING
there's one more question ive been posting on YA and since i dont feel like re-typing it, I'll copy and paste it:
For the last two and a half years, I've been posting the same questions on Yahoo Answers. I've been experiencing almost every single of depersonalization and derelization disorder. The attacks have been coming multiple times every single time since then and they don't have an end! I'm feeling like now I'm at a point where I'm in a major depression and considering self-harm. I've already talked to my parents a few times over the course of two years. The last time I talked to them about it was back in November. They yell at me and tell me to shut up about it. What they don't know is that it happens to me every single day and I cannot live like this anymore.
This has really been controlling my life too long. I have a trusted adult in my life; my swimming teacher. She's one of the best people to talk to. She's so positive and helpful - the entire school knows her for the person who is best to talk to! Her and I really get along well. My fear is her calling my parents because they will get beyond angry. I mean, I can't even picture what they'd do. I also don't trust my current school counselor, so I don't want her to know either.
Is it weird for me to do this? I mean, I hate bothering people - especially when I haven't been diagnosed and my parents won't take me to a doctor. But this is getting to a point where I might need to bother a few people or it's self-harm.
Anyways, I have a D in swimming because I'm terrified and get these attacks all the time. That's partly why I want to tell her. The only reason my D isn't an E is because we had open gym a few times! But we start swimming again on Monday. This is killing my GPA. You know you're terrible a swimming if you're swimming grade is lower than your math grade! The D looks really ugly on my progress report. :/
Also, I want to add that I've talked to her about my grade before (not about the panic attacks) and she has told me that's it up to me to change my grade; that I have to try. I told her that I am trying but that at the same tie, I am terrified of the water. She told me to tell myself I'm not afraid and just jump in. I said, "you can't just tell yourself that!"