ME asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 9 years ago

My mother passed away about 6 months ago and I don't what to plan for my future. -LONG- [PLEASE HELP]?

I have hesitated to ask this question over and over again. So I am finally letting it all out, I would like for someone to hear me out and just help me during this sad time for me. Please excuse me if my thoughts are scattered, it is my first time writing everything out like this.

Okay, so my mom passed away nearly 6 months ago, it was a total sudden death and it still aches. I am a 18 year old female, she passed when I was 17 at the top of my senior year in high school. I am still attending. There are times where I fall in and out of depression all the time. I can't get the image out of my head of her collapsing on the floor before she was sent off the ambulance. I feel so guilty because I wasn't there to ride with her in the ambulance, it was my first official day of school and I didn't want to miss it, and also because I thought she would be fine, like when I get home I thought she would be there and she would be okay and I would give her a hug and a kiss, but she wasn't. So I after school I had to speed over to the hospital with my younger sister and meet up with my brother. My brother was there through the hours of school, so he told my and my younger sister that my mom probably wasn't going to make it. After waiting patiently for about an hour, the doctors announced that she didn't make it. My heart dropped right then and there, because I needed her so badly. We had our ups and downs in our mother-daughter relationship, but the past two years our bond was so strong and we were like best friends. During summer of 2010, we were excited about me being the first to graduate high school in my family, me getting my first job, excelling so greatly in school and going off to college. Now I feel everything I hoped for and dreamt is all shattered because she is gone. My senior is almost coming to an end in about 3 months and all these questions keep appearing about what am I going to do after high school. I get so frustrated and depressed when the question always seems to come up, because I don't know anymore. It's almost like everything was bad timing, because I am still grieving over my mother but yet I have to plan out a future, which I am not ready to yet and quite frankly I am scared to do it. I don't know what I want to do after I finish high school. I pushed myself so hard my first semester of my senior year and came out with "A" and "B"'s, but I'm struggling for the second semester and my head isn't where it needs to be. I guess it's because I know I have to pick my future soon. It makes me depressed knowing a lot of my peers know what they are going to do and I don't even have an answer. I guess I try to avoid reality because I am still stuck in the phase of my mother's passing. I feel pressured to figure out my future plans now and it causes me to be more depressed because my mother isn't here to help me and I wish people would back up and quit asking me questions relating to the future. Sadly, I feel like I am slowly becoming an apathetic person about most things. I don't know where to begin. Is this normal? Please help! Thanks in advance.

And on top of that, I have insomnia. I feel like everyone in my house thinks that I am lazy, but it never used to be like that. I stay in my room very often now and just lay down for the most of time, just thinking. My step-dad keeps bombarding with questions about what am I going to do after high school, it frustrates me and I just want to him and to just stop asking me and just leave it alone for a while, what should I do?

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  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    I know how you feel because my dad passed when I was 17 (he was in a car accident and died on impact). & i know how it feels because I was due to start college 1 month after the accident. My college interview was the next day and when my mum called to cancel they said they could defer my entry for a year (which may be an option for you). However, I chose to go because my dad was 35 and his life was taken so instantly. I felt like I would be "wasting" my life if I wasn't doing anything productive.

    I understand the pressure but it sounds like you are still devastated and maybe need more time. Remember, you are 18 and have your whole life ahead of you, so there's absolutley no pressure. The last thing your mother would want is for you to be unhappy, so you need time to heal before you do anything. It's hard because it never goes away.

    It has been 19 months since my father passed and it's hard to answer this without getting emotional, but people will understand your need to heal, or to at least be in a place where your life track is clear.

    You should tell your step-dad how you're feeling. He's probably hurting too; he's lost his wife. So he should understand.

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  • Cathy
    Lv 6
    9 years ago

    I have a free US government program to recommend to you - JobCorps (www.jobcorps.org).

    It's for 16 to 24 year olds and they can get you college / job training, housing (they have dorms), transportation, healthcare, cash, food, job placement, etc. Look into them and see if there is something you would want to study and let them put your through that training (or college) and they will help you figure out what you might be interested in. Then, once you finish and get moving into your career, if you want more schooling, you might be in a better position to really know if you want to do something in particular.

    Good luck. Also, ask someone to help you get some grievance counseling.

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  • 9 years ago

    what would your mom want u to do? im sure she would want u to be successful and be happy. Start looking at colleges and doing research. whatever ur plans are, remember, ur mom is proud of u every step of the way.

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  • Faithe
    Lv 6
    9 years ago

    Your depression and grieving are normal, and your not knowing what you want to do with your life is normal. (At least half of all kids entering college don't know what career they want; many kids entering college thinking they know what they want end up changing their minds.)

    I wish you had said if you'd already applied to colleges. If you have, you have the good luck of having the last few months of your senior year to slack off a bit. On the other hand, heavy concentration on schoolwork will help keep your mind off sad things, and if you do well on your report card you'll feel a lot better about yourself than if you don't do as well.

    Your mother would want you to live up to your potential, both in school and in your career choice. In other words, she would want you to try as hard as you can in everything you do, and to gradually discover and develop your talents. One or more of these talents may develop into a career; one or more may help you in life with other things.

    It is not too late to apply to some colleges; for others you can apply for acceptance in the spring. At college, you don't need to declare a major immediately, and you can take courses in a variety of things. Meanwhile you can learn about different careers by scanning the employment opportunities/descriptions in print and online "help wanted" sections, reading, consulting a career counselor, interviewing people in different fields, or, if you have time, volunteering or interning at companies that do different things.

    If you decide not to go to college right away (or can't right away), find out how much your father and/or stepfather are willing to support you financially while you explore careers. Explain that you want time off not to relax but to explore career options. If you find you will still have financial support, you can write letters and/or appear in person to the human resource department of different companies and ask if you can spend a month or more there as an "intern" - someone who learns about a job while also helping out. Some internships are paid and some aren't. You should plan a series of internships in advance so you don't finish one and then have to first start looking for another. (In some career organizations (especially in service areas), you would be applying to the volunteer department.) If you are only getting partial financial support, you'll have to get at least a part-time job and then research careers on the side. One solution might be to have a job during the day (preferably related to something you might want to do, or at least providing practice in a skill you'll need in many jobs) and go to college at night or on weekends.

    When people pester you about what you're going to do after high school, you can answer: "I'm planning to do all I can to see what would be the best career plan for me." Then you can describe as much as you know about your plan to examine different courses of study in college and/or in the real world.

    There is no "cure" for your getting over your mother's death. Some people have bad relationships with their mother and would envy you for missing her. Be happy that you had what you had. Look forward to being as good a mother to your own children one day as she was to you. Meanwhile, it would probably be very helpful to spend more time with another mother figure - an aunt, grandma, older cousin, friend's mom, teacher, etc. This person can give you much of the caring and support that your mother did.

    Things to make you happier would include anything above, anything that helps make others happier, being with friends, strenuous physical activity (preferably that you enjoy), being in nature or any environment that you like, exposing yourself to or creating music, literature, or art.

    To get over your insomnia, be much more physically active during the day and do all your anxiety-related thinking during the day, so you're not brooding over it at night. After you get into bed each night, count your blessings. Then slowly concentrate on each part of your body, from your toes up to your head, taking at least a full minute to truly relax each part. You may also want to picture yourself in a wonderful environment surrounded by scenes, smells, sounds, etc. that you love.

    You actually sound like a VERY "together" person who happened to have something awful happen to her. You will survive, do well in life, and enjoy many, many times of happiness. Look forward to it; work toward it; believe in it.

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  • 5 years ago

    Be open about it

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