Married faithful woman only?

Ok I am married...my husband is in the military...and before I met my husband I was in a bad abusive relationship.my ex hit me many times,emotionally and verbially destroyed me...he allso cheated on me numerous times...I always thought he did me so wrong cause I was not good enough. I wound up becoming bulemic. I... show more Ok I am married...my husband is in the military...and before I met my husband I was in a bad abusive relationship.my ex hit me many times,emotionally and verbially destroyed me...he allso cheated on me numerous times...I always thought he did me so wrong cause I was not good enough. I wound up becoming bulemic. I got pregnant I carried to 22 weeks. My baby did not make it...then my ex(the father) went to work one day and I left I took all of my stuff and left...then I met a wonderful man,who is a total turn around. He knows and understands my past and he has been trying to reassure me who wont cheat on me on his first deployment.but just the other day I went to use his internet on his phone and a porn site popped up?! I was and am still crushed by it.I don't understand why,I feel so unwanted,I feel hurt. It just is not fair I have never hurt any man but its like they all continuesly hurt me...I know ur thinking its just porn but given my past I do not accept it and he even admitted to getting off to it...I feel like I want to be alone,I want him to quit apologizing and to just go away.I feel disrespected and unloved...I feel like im reliving my past. Im officially emotionally screwed up once again.i have no idea what to do..any suggestions? Idk even know my question..

Plz no criticism.
Update: I was available. Every time he is in the mood I never say no. I was home when he did it.
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