I have never had an orgasm through penetrative sex, am I normal?

I have been sexually active for 6 years and I've had roughly 60 different sexual partners. (no jokes about being hung like a wizards sleeve please, or about how many people I've been with) I can achieve an orgasm through masturbation by myself but never through penetrative sex.

Sex feels good to me but I can never "get there" which really annoys me... it actually depresses me to be honest. I've had problems the past ten years. I've been severely depressed and have attempted suicide on several occasions. There are many reasons I've been depressed, one of them being the lack of orgasm.

My boyfriend does not know about me being unable to reach orgasm. We have tried every position imaginable, we've even used toys. Nothing works! I hate lying to him but I have faked every one since we met. I don't want to lie to him any more. Can anyone help??


If anyone can tell me how I go about telling my boyfriend I will be very grateful! We've been together for a year and I just can't seem to find the words!

Update 2:

Forgot to add... when I do achieve orgasm, I have to have my legs really close together (tight as flip) and it's only through orgasm.

Update 3:

@ KushKandi Would you be able to email me so we can discuss further?

@Lil D ... I've been unsuccessfull in finding my G-Spot, no matter how hard I try!

Update 4:

Yet another addition... I am ALWAYS incredibly horny before sex. I never go into it without being wet down there.

12 Answers

  • 10 years ago
    Favourite answer

    Whats weird for me is I only had two orgasms in my life through penetration and the first time was actually when I was 16 years old and I was losing my virginity. The guy who gave me the orgasm was also a virgin at the time with no experience. I am 26 years old now and I've been with guys who are very experienced. I've even been with "professionals". What is a Professional?? I've been with men who are actors in the adult film industry. Even they never made me internally orgasm. How weird is that??? I have no problem achieving clitoral orgasm. But the only way I can orgasm is if my legs are completely straight and closed. If they're spread open with knees bent, I can't even *** close.

    You say you've been with roughly 60 partners. How quickly did you have sex with these people after meeting them? I used to sleep with guys when I was younger because thats what I thought they wanted. I was naive. Even if I thought they were attractive, I never got "worked up" over a guy I slept with before. I never got wet ever. I would have sex and I wouldn't be horny. But the last person I was with, he used to come over to my house all the time and I started to like him a little. I didn't wanna date him but I really wanted to have sex with him. I got so worked up over him within the span of a few months but I never had sex with him for such a long time. I used to masturbate while thinking about him. It was like thinking about a hot celebrity. I got so worked up that when we actually had sex, it was the best I ever had. I was so horny, so wet and I actually achieved orgasm. I think this is because he's the first person I ever REALLY wanted to have sex with. Even though I've been with attractive men in the past, I wasn't physically ready for sex with any of them. Maybe this is your problem.

    I also have a female friend who is a big name adult film star and she's married to a porn producer and she's very experienced. But she says shes never had an orgasm in her life. Not even an external orgasm.

    Source(s): Agent in the adult film industry.
  • 4 years ago


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  • Lil D
    Lv 7
    10 years ago

    It's really hard for a women to reach orgasm through penetration alone; there just isn't enough contact with the clit to reach an orgasm. There are different positions like girl on top that make it a little easier to reach orgasm. I think I've only had 2 or 3 orgasms through penetrating sex. Try reaching a g-spot orgasm instead of a clit orgasm through penetration.

  • 4 years ago

    Penetrative Sex

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  • 10 years ago

    A lot of women have this problem. Have you tried external stimulation directly on the clitoris? I never achieved a really good orgasm via intercourse. Don't feel bad, I had been having uneventful intercourse for 20 years before my husband discovered how to give me an orgasm, externally. So, after he does that we have intercourse and I usually don't have an orgasm, but I'm happy because I did have one(or more), just previous to the intercourse. And, he is happy to know he gave me one, even if it is not in a conventional way. Good luck.

  • mcgirr
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    Can T Orgasm During Sex

  • CK
    Lv 6
    10 years ago

    MOST women cannot orgasm through penetrative sex, MOST of us need clitoral stimulation.

    You're totally normal.

  • Kasha
    Lv 7
    10 years ago

    Of course you're normal.

    Only around 30% of women orgasm from penetrative penis to vaginal sex, very few women get much out of intercourse alone, we women have our clitoris and g-spots, neither of which are stimulated that well during intercourse, only a small part of your vaginal canal will feel anything. This is female biology 101, it surprises me that you never thought to look into this before now.

    You need to change the way you think about sex, get more into hugging, kissing, touching, masturbation, mutual masturbation, oral sex, outercourse, everything but penetration - yup, everything but, just for a while so you can both explore sex in ways other than just penetration, and it would also be beneficial for him not to have to worry about performing all the time.

    Men will reach orgasm before women, it can take women longer to reach orgasm, but the more times you have sex (to orgasm) in a night the longer it will take him to reach climax and the shorter time it will take you to reach climax. Men and women do sync up, but only if there is enough sex being had to reach that point, if sex is all about having sex in a way that gets him off then you're never going to reach that point and you're both going to have a less than fulfilling sex life (yes he's getting orgasms, but orgasm isn't the be all and end all of sex, and sex is more pleasurable when you're both getting your rocks off) - have sex in different ways, get more foreplay, demand it.

    A man can have multiple orgasms, if he can orgasm without ejaculating (it's possible, and practising this and delayed climax can help him go for longer too), but usually they have to wait a while before getting into sex again, so that is the perfect opportunity for you to get yours - before intercourse, between intercourse - the more you put into sex how your body can orgasm (foreplay) the more likely you will be able to easily reach orgasm during intercourse.

    There are of course sex toys, but honestly as bloody brilliant as sex toys are - vibrators for your clitoris, penis rings, vibrating rings, anal plugs, and all the other wonderful things out there - they really shouldn't be used as a short cut, as far as I'm concerned. They are a quick-fix, they don't build the sort of closeness and communication that a good sex life does. They're get you your orgasm but it isn't nearly as fulfilling as a good sex life without toys, you shouldn't need toys they should just be a nice addition from time to time. I'd also point out that most toys used during sex are vibrating for the purpose of clitoral orgasm, and this type of orgasm is not as deep, powerful or long as vaginal or g-spot orgasm, also clitoral orgasms tend not to go through the whole body as other orgasms do - and yes, there are different types of orgasms, different nerves, different area,s different feelings.

    I suggest reading through these pages, they'll help you a lot;

    The Great No-Orgasm-from-Intercourse Conundrum - http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/the_great...

    Sexual Arousal and Orgasm - http://the-clitoris.com/f_html/arouse_indx.htm - the-clitoris.com is in general a great site discussing female sexual pleasure and health, look through the various articles on this page (see right-hand side) as well as the site in general.

  • 4 years ago

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  • 10 years ago

    a wizards sleeve?lol. first off your depression could be hindering you ability to orgasm. second let your bf know your not achieving orgasm, touchy subject i know, the two of you can work together to solve your problem and third you have to relax and just let it happen sometimes you try hard and it makes it worse.

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