Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Politics & GovernmentLaw & Ethics · 9 years ago

Domestic Violence / My husband just hit me?

My husband was in the Army, now joined to the police force and he's quite a cry baby about everything. If one thing isn't hurting, it's another.

Today he told me after work that he was going to the hospital because his shoulder pain, he somehow managed to dislocate his shouder on the job but was fine to work after the medics had treated him. I knew it was him overreacting so I wasn't worried one bit. But I was annoyed that he was going to the doctor AGAIN. When he finally came home with NOTHING but high dosage pain killers, the argument kept going. I did mention that I think it's pathetic he's always looking for attention. He yelled 'SHUT THE _ UP" smacked me as hard as he could in the face with the ice pack in his hand. I knew our arguments were heated, but NEVER would I EVER expect him to hit me!! He said im the only one who makes him angry, which isnt true.

I was just so so so shocked. I told him I was calling the police, and he begged me not to because if I pressed charges he would get in a lot of trouble at work. After he hit me, as I was calling my mother he kicked our only tv into the wall....... We live in apartment... He's so STUPID... theres so many holes and deep scratches and dents in the wall and we're the first ones rent it out..... They're all from him.

After he did that, he went into the bedroom and took all of his pain killers. He's fine, just sleeping them off. He doesn't need medical attention. But I always thought I would know what to do. I always thought that I knew I would just leave. I'm just too old to be a burden to my mother anymore. I have no idea what to do.

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  • 9 years ago
    Best answer

    Your husband won't change his abusive behavior nor will he change is anger. Your husband is suffering from post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as are many others who served in the military. Your husband needs psychiatric counseling for him to be able to re-enter civilian life. Your husband is in "combat mode" and he will remain so until he deals with the PTSD. You are correct in calling the police and he is correct that he may lose his job were you to press charges against him. Even if you call the police he may get in trouble. The best thing for you to do is to talk with your husband and tell him you think he may need psychiatric help for PTSD as his deep seeded anger explains why he hit you. He is angry at himself and his situation and he is taking it out on the closest person to him which happens to be you. He is also taking out his anger on himself. There are two solutions for you right now, one is to permanently leave him, including divorcing him, and tell him you will not tolerate being hit by him or being witness to his anger that he exhibited by kicking your only TV into the wall, the other solution is to tell him he must receive psychiatric care for PTSD or you will leave him. This what is called tough love and were he to seek psychiatric care for PTSD he will become the person he was before he went into the Army. When people enter the military and serve in combat they are not the same person when they come home. People who serve in combat are changed forever and have to learn how to deal with the demons that plague them when they come home. Many will have nightmares and break out in a cold sweat and they don't become calm very easily, if at all. When soldiers are in combat they are on constant alert and are trained to watch out for each other as that is the only way they have the best chance to come home alive and in one piece. The Army hasn't been persuasive enough to convince soldiers who served in combat to seek free psychiatric care before they leave the service as many will deny they are suffering from PTSD and the Army will muster them out and let the civilian authorities deal with them. You are not alone and there will be many more women just like you who will be abused and killed by their husbands or boyfriends after they return home from serving in combat, and this will become more prevalent as the troop withdrawals pick up from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and the withdrawals have already started. You have to protect yourself and that is the most important consideration for you to consider before anything else. You can't allow yourself to be hit by him again as he has the potential to kill you, even if it is by a mistake on his part, as all he has to do is hit you too hard in the wrong location on your body and you will die immediately. He was taught where the locations are on the body in his Army training and he knows that he isn't supposed to hit someone in those particular locations unless he is in a combat situation or defending himself from harm. Take this information I am giving you and use it. I am a United States Marine and I know all about this. The most important thing for you to do right now is to get your husband in a calm mood and tell him either of the solutions I suggested to you and stick to the one he chooses or the one you chose, and were you to chose to divorce him then do so and never look back and get on with your life without him in it. Were you to leave him and or divorce him you may need a restraining order and it may be the only way you can get a restraining order against him is to have a police record of your reporting spousal abuse even if you don't press charges against him. Your life is in danger all the time as he is a ticking time bomb and you will be the target of that time bomb unless you leave, and leave soon. Of course the best outcome would be for him to seek psychiatric care and you and he can walk hand in hand down the pathway of life and enjoy all life has to offer. This all takes work and understanding on the part of both of you, and if only one of you agrees to anything and the other doesn't you will not walk hand in hand down the pathway of life and enjoy all life has to offer. The choice as to what to do is between you and your husband and I sincerely hope both you you make the choice that is right for both of you.

    A U.S. Marine (1957-1965)

  • 9 years ago

    When a woman starts berating a man, the man is going to retaliate. Calling him pathetic is the worst thing you could have done. He was in the Army, probably fought in Iraq or Afghanistan. This is not about you, so, get over it. It's about him, and the sooner you realize this, the sooner you both can heal. Your husband needs help, but he needs you to support him. It's a tough challenge, but, if you really love him, you can be his greatest strength

  • 9 years ago

    This is where domestic violence starts. Once osmebody does something once... it becomes apparent in their mind that this isn't something wrong, because I'm an adult and I've been left with no serious consequences (If you don't leave him and call the police).

    If there is any bruising photograph it, document your feelings and document as much detail as possible.... Ring the police, your husband is in the wrong, not you for leaving him!

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    First of all, I didn't know 13 year olds could be married to army guys :) No one should be hit in an argument, however I think you were wrong too for berating him.

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  • 9 years ago

    Tbh with you a guy shouldn't hit you a women doesn't deserve to get hit by any man. So leave him. If you don't want to

    Leave him take a week apart from him. Or just talk to him. Mabey see a consulloer.. I hope I've helped or gave you ideas.

  • 9 years ago

    I, personally, would never hit a woman. I think you should warn him that if this happens again, I am leaving & I would keep my word.

  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    You seriously went on Yahoo? Your one of the worst wives of all time.

  • ?
    Lv 4
    9 years ago

    I think he should move out and you can now take care of yourself without his pay check.

    You sure like to berate him.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Sounds like he's a victim of an emotional and mentally abusive wife, to which be finally reacted like a woman does.

    http://divpat.org/The-Other-Face-Of-Domestic-Viole...

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