My co-worker down at the beauty salon is very bitchy to me; how can I get him to lighten up?
It all started when that sexy octogenarian Mrs. Shnitzky came to me for a complete makeover and left looking like a million bucks! Believe me, the bingo hall set was envious of Shnitzky when they saw that the Lady Gaga treatment I had given her eyes matched perfectly with her cataracts, and that the temporary butterfly tattoo I had placed on her breast just above her peek-a-boo top was a delightful cover-up for that scar from her last knee replacement!
Well, ever since then, I have been the star down at the Kunte and Kurle Salon, and Julio has been stuck giving bikini waxes to the dames from Plaid & Birkenstocks Retirement Villa. Instead of accepting this graciously, however, Julio has been doing horrible things to sabotage me, like spreading the word that I have a wife and kids at home! What self-respecting matron is going to come to a straight man to have her hair done?! I think this is just too low, but Julio just sashays right past me, saying stuff like, "You'll be doing wash-and-sets on the morgue populace before too long, sweetie."
I've tried to counter his slander by being as super fem as I know how, but absolutely no one believed that Phil, the guy who pumps septic tanks in my trailer park, was actually my boyfriend. I had asked him to stop by to help me make an impression, but when he came in, he reeked so badly I just couldn't kiss him. Julio seized the opportunity to say loudly, "You must not love your man too much if you can't even kiss him....IF he's really your man!" I could have cried, but everyone would have thought it was just the bouquet of perm solution and septic tank getting to me.
My job is in jeopardy! How can I get Julio to lighten up and not be so bitchy, and safeguard my job and clientele?