Joe asked in Social SciencePsychology · 9 years ago

How do you deal with things you fear? Things that make you hurt emotionally?

Sure, I am sensitive. I get hurt. I did not ask to be this way... I did not have a choice though. When I see someone crying, it hurts. When someone is sad, I become sad. But, mistakes I make also hurt. Like getting a D in accounting. That hurt. Being dumped, that hurt. Failing hurt. Getting screamed at. Losing money in gambling hurt.

All of these things are emotional. In all of these instances I got hurt. I didn't have a scratch on my body, yet I was hurt.

How would you deal with this? If you were extra sensitive and the pain was intense. I have tendencies to avoid this hurting... Like not going to school. Or watching tv to get away from the pain. Distracting myself. Especially drinking and gambling. Anything to get my mind off of these painful things.

While the paths I take initially ease the pain temporarily, it adds more pain for the future. Like watching tv now feels good, but getting an F in a course later, because I had not studied will make me hurt.

Would you face you fear in the present? Hurt now, so that you won't in the future? I just have not been able to do this. I always want to push pain into the future. I don't want pain now. And I'm sure when the future comes, I will not want pain then.

In other words, I have a huge problem with pain. Any suggestions?

6 Answers

  • 9 years ago
    Best answer

    Well, I, too, am like you. I'm sensitive but not with life, with criticism. A lot of people think that just because I'm constantly joking around, I can be joked with. And normally, I don't care. But of course, like any other human, there are certain things that can't be joked with with me and some people don't know that. I will remember something you jokingly said to me 20 years down the line and it'll still affect my self-esteem.

    I've learned that harboring pain is nothing more than a burden. I'm not one to talk about my feelings or cry, I feel it shows weakness. I also bite my tongue a lot, which is why when I finally let go or break down; it's serious and I REALLY break down.

    I would say yes, face your fears and your hurt now. When you release it in the future, it'll be so much worse. It's hard, but just sit down and let yourself cry. If the tears don't come, make them. Watch something sad, listen to a sad song, confide in a friend you trust, think/talk about emotional things that you normally just push to the side. Face what you can now, so your future is more resolved than you fear.

  • 9 years ago

    Problem solving is something that has to be "learned." There's so much info. out there that I couldn't tell you where to start, only to start. Go to the library and just pick one and repeat. Audio can be quicker, which I prefer. For starters, it seems that you may procrastinate a bit. That may be a good place to start, actually where I'd suggest you start. I have a book on procrastination, but I've yet to read it yet. LOL! Dumbest gift I've ever gotten and seen in print. Seriously, how you problem solve is one and only one problem at a time and start working on that problem as soon as possible and work it through until finished. Make yourself do this! Sometimes to problem solve is to simply let it go if it is beyond your control. i.e. a break-up. Why waste your time in a bad one? All that could do is cause you to miss a good one. Also, don't dwell. Put your energies in an area that is of most concern. i.e. Accounting. Okay, you messed up - learn from it, forget about what is done and focus on only the upcoming. If getting screamed at upsets you, then walk away from it or hang up on it. In other words, YOU have the power to avoid being screamed at. Clearly you realize that the harmful things you do to yourself are a short term solution and never fixes a problem. Again, focus on one problem at a time, one day at a time. Choose how you are going to be treated and accept nothing less. You will always be sensitive and there's no harm in that, the only harm is that you are letting your sensitivity control you. Make a few changes and you are well on your way. Life is full of pain, it is our reaction to it that makes us who we are. Learn from pain and learn to offset what you can't control and sometimes that means avoidance. Avoidance from bad people, circumstances, and bad reactions or self-choices. Learn to let go and learn to get going. As Jackie Kennedy once said (an my motto too), "You can only be intimidated if you allow yourself to be." I promise that you can do this! You can become stronger and the person that you want to be. This doesn't mean colder, just wiser and more self-loving. All the best!

  • JP
    Lv 5
    9 years ago

    Learn from your mistakes and your mistakes were worthwhile. The pain becomes tolerable and life possible. Avoid the pain and you avoid life; more mistakes ensue. Distraction is a good way to deal with pain. The better the distraction, the less pain you feel. Be very careful when evaluating my last statement. I can not emphasize my last statement enough. Life is good. Smile.

  • 9 years ago

    Hurting is normal to be felt.. You'll never know that you're still alive unless you feel the hurt when i pinch your cheeks. It reminds us that we are still alive. Just don't mind failures. You need to learn from them. Like when you get a failing grade in a subject, instead of imagining that you're hurt, you should think of why did you failed and learn how to pass next time. Everyone has always another chance. I suggest you should find better friends, someone who would help you give those smiles up, and help you go to straighten up your life.

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  • 9 years ago

    Lose all emotion like I did. Become "dead" inside. You'll see more than you ever have

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    those who fear they will suffer already suffer what they fear.

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